Available at 
Tweet
(I can't post in the marriage/relationship section yet, so can I put this thread here??)
Does this sound familiar to you??
Just had a big fight with DH about how (he thinks) I'm always complaining how hard something is, how badly the kids were behaving, or which thousand things I have to get done before next week and that I'm planning it and stressing... and his resulting conclusion is always that it IS a complaint and negative, even if I just thought I was telling him about my day and what was going on, sometimes in a very neutral way. He isn't AWARE at all of the effort that goes into something (even talking to the insurance for 10 minutes on the phone when all 3 girls are home) and ends up wondering why I'm making a big deal or being so negative or stressed about something "small" or "easy". I feel like I'm trying to tell him about what I'm working on, planning, deciding, and his standard response is not helpful, but a judgement of how slowly, poorly, or too-much-effort I'm putting into it, and that I am causing my own problem.
Example: I'm telling him about how kid A was really rude to grandma today and I'm trying to figure out how to handle such a situation as the disciplinary parent, and he just says to "not worry about it" and then gets mad if I don't find that that comforting/helpful/supportive?!?
Does your doc belittle your handling of family/home tasks too? Any suggestions on how I can handle a discussion that turns from my "I'm working on this task and telling you about it, maybe you have an idea" to his "Jenn is being an overanxious perfectionist again and if she would just quit it, life would be nicer."
When HE's stressing about a grant or talking about a hard-to-intubate patient, I just accept that it IS what he says it is, hard or stressful... I wouldn't DREAM of saying, "oh, it's not a big deal, just go write that grant, and quit worrying" or "that patient was probably easier to intubate than you're describing"...
Does this sound familiar to you??
Just had a big fight with DH about how (he thinks) I'm always complaining how hard something is, how badly the kids were behaving, or which thousand things I have to get done before next week and that I'm planning it and stressing... and his resulting conclusion is always that it IS a complaint and negative, even if I just thought I was telling him about my day and what was going on, sometimes in a very neutral way. He isn't AWARE at all of the effort that goes into something (even talking to the insurance for 10 minutes on the phone when all 3 girls are home) and ends up wondering why I'm making a big deal or being so negative or stressed about something "small" or "easy". I feel like I'm trying to tell him about what I'm working on, planning, deciding, and his standard response is not helpful, but a judgement of how slowly, poorly, or too-much-effort I'm putting into it, and that I am causing my own problem.
Example: I'm telling him about how kid A was really rude to grandma today and I'm trying to figure out how to handle such a situation as the disciplinary parent, and he just says to "not worry about it" and then gets mad if I don't find that that comforting/helpful/supportive?!?
Does your doc belittle your handling of family/home tasks too? Any suggestions on how I can handle a discussion that turns from my "I'm working on this task and telling you about it, maybe you have an idea" to his "Jenn is being an overanxious perfectionist again and if she would just quit it, life would be nicer."
When HE's stressing about a grant or talking about a hard-to-intubate patient, I just accept that it IS what he says it is, hard or stressful... I wouldn't DREAM of saying, "oh, it's not a big deal, just go write that grant, and quit worrying" or "that patient was probably easier to intubate than you're describing"...
I think sometimes they loose touch with the reality of homelife because there is alway someone (us) to handle all of the things that they don't have to deal with (insurance, bills, housework, kids, activities, laundry, shopping, etc). I often wonder if this is an universal marriage issue, or if it is more specific to medical marriages...
.
And I keep thinking why does he get the prestige and the big bucks and society's respect, and I'm the one who's actually on call all the time, not him. The other night was the first time in almost 4 years that our middle DD didn't wake me at 2 am- I felt so well-rested when I woke up, unbelievable! HE gets to sleep after night shifts.
Comment