Need to vent - resident keeps calling in sick

[DCJenn]

We 40-somethings were sold a slightly different bill of goods though so we're the ones tell you 20-somethings- "wait, no you really CANT have it all."

Of all of the people that I knew in high school and college, there are very few who married and had children in their 20s and those that did? We thought they were NUTS. So, we (for the most part) jumped onto the career bandwagon, figuring that when the time came and we'd found Mr. Right we'd have that fab wedding and then the 2.4 children, all while working full-time at our everso satisfying careers.

Except it didn't work like that for most of us. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my life and I'm incredibly thankful that I have had the amazing life experiences that I've had.

It's tough going to squeeze all of your child-bearing into those last five years of your 30s (assuming everything is still working right) or come up with the thousands of dollars for IVF and/or adoption.

Most of my friends are still working and still love it but we have learned the hard way that we can't have it all.

and yes, the men don't get to have it all either but you have to remember that sociologically it wasn't until the now 40 year olds hit adulthood did we change the expectation for male behaviors. My dad did change diapers and he did participate within his work limitations but even so, not at all like my husband or my brother do. and I think it's much more of a North American/European phenomenom than elsewhere. maybe I'm wrong.

This is also carrying over into custody battles these days with men much more willing to go to court to fight for full or partial custody, especially if the mother of the children is working in a high-stress area and the father isn't. Personally, I think it's great- what's good for the gander is what's good for the goose these days.

but to the topic at hand, it's not fair for the female resident to expect others to pick up her slack. Doesn't matter why she's calling in sick, either. For all anyone knows she's really been on a bender and is hungover and can't go in. When you eliminate the 'children' aspect of the reason why she's called in and just look at it as a chronic problem with calling in, it's much easier to see that it needs to stop. It wouldn't be tolerated at any other job, why should it be tolerated there?

Jenn

[Rapunzel]

This is actually a religious issue for me. LDS have something called "The Proclamation on the Family" which we regard as inspired. Here it is:

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God's eternal plan.

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Because we hold motherhood as such an important position in life it's not really something that we end up being torn over. The conflict in our society really comes from the devaluation of motherhood. Motherhood is not considered a worthy goal in and of itself any longer. This is the way I was raised (and, I'm now officially in my mid-30's ), and it is the way my daughters are raised.

Women are equal to men - no question about it. But, denying the inherent differences between men and women causes a lot of bitterness and resentment in our society.

[peggyfromwastate]

But don't you have to tell your sons the same thing. I COMPLETELY agree you can't have it all. I think many many people agree with that. The part that irks me is why WOMEN can't have it all and MEN can. I'm going to step up and do it because my DH won't but WHY? I went to the same level of schools that he did, did better on all the tests, and yet I'm the one who has to sacrifice. I'm in my mid-20s and came from a generation of women who was told "you can be anything you want to be" until I turned 22 and started working and now I hear "you can't have it all". Just frustrating. Most days I don't rage against this reality but this post has brought it out in me.

Full disclosure: I haven't read the entire thread. I'm trying but I'm getting behind.

I was planning to write in my original post that I was planning to tell my boys the same thing too-- I just had a bad head cold and needed to post the thing without completing my thought... I tried to write it out, but I truly was even less coherent than I normally am!!

I will certainly tell the boys that they can't have it all-- that if they have a very demanding career they should not EXPECT their wives to be cool with picking up the substantial slack their absense leaves behind. FWIW my DH is really good about being *Present* when he's home. He's clueless about bills, household issues, etc., but he's there for the kids, he's helping set the table, getting them to do their chores, etc. He's setting a good example...

BUT in the OPs example, I would tell my sons if they marry a busy worker bee and they are busy worker bees that they need to make arrangements for any kids they may have. It's all about personal responsibility...

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Because we hold motherhood as such an important position in life it's not really something that we end up being torn over. The conflict in our society really comes from the devaluation of motherhood. Motherhood is not considered a worthy goal in and of itself any longer. This is the way I was raised (and, I'm now officially in my mid-30's ), and it is the way my daughters are raised.

Women are equal to men - no question about it. But, denying the inherent differences between men and women causes a lot of bitterness and resentment in our society.

Although we are of different religions, I think this is spot-on. The other day my DH said to me when I was thinking out loud about this "Shouldn't raising your children be the most important thing any of us do. Biologically speaking, that's the way it is." To which my response was "YES, of COURSE, but people don't value you it that way because parenthood can be done by anyone." (putting aside infertility which is obviously the exception) To which he replied, "it can be done by anyone. it cannot be done WELL by just anyone". I agree with him but it still makes me mad that the definition of doing it "well" requires sacrifice from only one of us!

Don't get me wrong, my DH is planning on choosing his choice of specialty with our family in mind but it's not the same as giving up your career to raise your family.

Sometimes I really admire the LDS for the way they put emphasis on the family and really do value the contribution of the woman.