Livid

I haven't been on this site for years. Tonight, I am livid and I knew where to come. DH is doing a fellowship this year. UGH. The contract stated that you get 15 days of vacation time. We are still trying to figure out if this includes interview dates. Either way, DH hasn't reached 15 with the couple of interviews that he has had and 2 days off during the holidays.


We had planned a big vacation with the kids to that super place in Orlando. DH told them about the dates in December. Now that we are weeks from our trip, they are being complete and utter assholes. He can't go unless he has coverage. Well, I know I am not a brain surgeon but how in the hell is he supposed to get coverage from other fellows/chief residents who are doing rotations themselves?! And why can't you, as a full-fledged academic surgeon, do a fricking case by yourself?!

DH has been trying to find coverage for the last 2 weeks and finally found a potpourri of people who were able to cover different days/cases for him. The higher gods? Unacceptable. He was told that the coverage was disjointed, the worst they had seen in 18 years and unacceptable for an apprentice. Seriously. I am ready to go through the f'ing roof.

I've only been talking this trip up to the kids for weeks. We only look at the calendar every morning to count how many days are left until they get to spend a full UNINTERRUPTED week with Daddy. I am just numb. We cancel the trip and they win. . .and the remaining 5 months of this fellowship will be torture as I stew over how much hatred I have for them. DH will be reminded every day of what incredible assholes he has the displeasure of being with on a daily basis. We don't cancel the trip and they will make his life an icy, living hell for the remaining 5 months.

[HouseofWool]

Welcome back. What a completely crappy situation. Vent away.

[PrincessFiona]

Re: Livid

You aren't going to like my answer. Go without dh for the sake of the kids. The program heads are being jerks and your dh also probably should have gotten the straight info on their policy from the get-go.

It will suck to go w/o dh but it will be fun for you and the kids. I travel extensively each summer with my 5 kids without dh and he saves some vacation days where we can all go.

Plan another trip for after fellowship is over to celebrate. That way you can have 2 trips this year!!!

Kris


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ladymoreta]

That sucks. A lot.

I would be so angry, too! I do, however, agree with Kris - it would be heartbreaking for your kids to miss the trip after having it planned for so long. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this!

[Meenah]

I'm so sorry. Go without him, and maybe he can meet you for the last few days. Either way, DO NOT hang on to the anger (for your sake, not their's).

[DCJenn]

Ugh- that just blows.

It sounds like the higher ups have some 'issues'.

I have to agree with the others- go with out your husband and when you get back, he can post pictures of the family vacation without him all over his desk.

No reason to ruin the fun for your kids and at least your husband can then take all of his leave the last days of the fellowship year and the higher ups can suck it.

Jenn

Ugh- that just blows.

It sounds like the higher ups have some 'issues'.

I have to agree with the others- go with out your husband and when you get back, he can post pictures of the family vacation without him all over his desk.

No reason to ruin the fun for your kids and at least your husband can then take all of his leave the last days of the fellowship year and the higher ups can suck it.

Jenn

Yep. And sadly, if he does take the vacay and risk pissing them off, it will not end when he leaves that program. Medicine is all about who you know, who you trained with, etc. .... even YEARS out. He will need letters from these folks, he will need to be able to say with confidence that these people will vouch for him, and even though that should be based on skill, it won't be.

Go on your own. It sucks, but there is no reason for the kids to end up disappointed in all of this.

[MarissaNicole]

I'm so sorry, I would be livid as well. You have every right!

And unfortunately I agree with others, try and go on the vacation with the kids and leave Dad behind. Not only will they make his last 5 months hell, it may effect his career in the future, its just not worth the risk.

Fortunately its only 5 more months and not 5 more years. Again, I'm sorry, that simply sucks!

Thanks for the words. Seriously, it helps a lot.

I can't take the kids alone. We actually need DH to be present to get into the hotel at which we have reservations (military hotel at WDW). My ID is no longer valid. This also screws up the vacation for our friends who were going with us as they will not be allowed to stay at the hotel without DH, either. Also, I really can't take them alone. Our kids are 6, 4, and almost 2 (the wild man is almost 2). It would be a nightmare.

And what really blows is that we can't take this vacation at another time. One of the attendings is so f'ing kind to suggest that we take it at another time but the catch is that you can't take vacation unless you have coverage. It is IMPOSSIBLE to get adequate coverage. So you basically work here for an entire year without a vacation. We did our residency at an incredibly malignant program and even there, you submitted your request for vacation time and it was done. You didn't have to worry about who was going to cover for you, etc.

Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.

[medpedspouse]

I agree with what everyone has said. Medicine is a small world and you two do not want to do anything that will not make your job search optimal. However, your DH is entiteled to those off days. I think that rather than stewing for the next 5 months, your DH tries to get time off again in 2,3, 4 months. Granted it is not during the time you wanted but it will be time that he can spend with the kids. Such could make him look not like he "let them win" but as someone willing to compromise?? Let me be clear in that I think the attendings are jerks and there is no reason for this behavior - but maybe your DH can make it look like he is the better person?? I know this is not ideal in the least (and I hate that you are going through it) but it will at least give you two some control back. Like I said - those days are his. Maybe once you sign the papers for "the job" you use the time to have a mini family vacation where you will be living/house hunting/etc??

So, is this issue the PD? If it is, he could try the GME office to ascertain the "proper" (rolling my eyes - but don't let them see him do that ) way one should go about taking time off and then go for it 2,3,4 months from now.

Again, so sorry. I am pissed off for you. I get so frustrated when I find out that there are programs and schools out there where there is no infrastructure in place for student/resident/fellow advocacy. Ok off my soap box.

[DCJenn]

Oh that sucks.

Jenn

[niener]

Oh good lord, that's far beyond just normal sucky. That f-ing super sucks. I'm so sorry for you and your family

I hope y'all are able to take at least a mini-vacay in the next 5 months! Perhaps there's another equally as annoyed fellow/chief who would be willing to do a coverage-share type thing with your DH.

[GrayMatterWife]

Wow.

"Livid" is a really nice term

I would have used " psycho-bitchy, raving, seething, pissed-off irate."

SUCKS!!

[houseelf]

Two thoughts come to mind. First and formost, I am incredibly sorry that this is happening to you. Every emotion you are feeling is right on.

Second, I'm not entirely surprised by this. Sadly, egos and work-at-the sacrifice-of-everything-else-in-your-life are both deeply embedded ideals in some programs.

5 more months. I can tell you that in my experience life on the other side is almost giddy in comparison. Sure, it is still life with all its messiness but it is much, much better.

Kelly

Sorry to continue to chew on this. I am more than livid. I just have to (unfortunately) control my emotions for the sake of my kids. I don't want them to think that mommy has lost it.

I just searched their website and it clearly states that residents get 14 days of paid vacation PLUS holidays. What a crock of shit. At least have the decency to change your material. I am very much a fighter so this is very hard for me to just sit back and watch this happen. I want DH to tell them where to go and how to get there and what to shove up on the way there. It is just not right for them to get away with this crap. I know, I know, he needs their reference, etc. but that just makes it worse.

We are very close to getting a job. We are going for the second interview in a few weeks and they have already told him that he basically has the job if he wants it. We were both talking last night about how nice it would be to just screw these idiots and start the job. DH has been out of residency for 5 years so this is a very difficult thing for him. He finished residency and did 5 years of military payback time which was certainly not without issues but at least he was respected as a human and a physician there. He is having a hard time being treated like scum . . . and I honestly wouldn't be shocked if he went postal on them. I don't think he would do anything rash like quit but he is just not in the "I am a measly resident. It's OK if you treat me like shit" frame of mind.