Father's Day

[alison]

I always think some wise person planned it so that Mother's Day comes first.

My dh knew better than to let my first Mother's Day go unrecognized.

Now, what to get him.... He really needs some new socks. Or, maybe some alone time with the baby? Hehe.

[Michele]

Re: Father's Day

He's getting time to work on the CrapRX. My ipad should get here mid June. I don't buy my parents gifts because we've lived far enough away to require shipping. I'm lame. But since I'm here with my dad this year, I'll probably just bake him cookies. He's so easy! And of course they're getting the grandkids for almost 2 months.


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[MDPhDWife]

I got DH a really nice leather laptop backpack he's been wanting since his is falling apart and a new electric shaver. For mother's day he got me a nightgown I wanted and some of my favorite perfume. I also got a bouquet of lillies and one card from the kids and one from him.

I haven't figured out what to get his dad yet or our oldest DD's dad other than cards. Maybe I'll make cookies.....

[HouseofWool]

Not to hijak, but for those who have children with an ex, how do you handle gift giving holidays? Should I be getting E something from the kids, or is a card sufficient? For the record, I got squat from him, but that doesn't surprise me at all. My folks stepped up and took C shopping for a card for me.

[Meenah]

The bitter side of me says "screw it".

The mature side of me says help them get a card and mail it, because for the next 20 years you will have to deal with Father's Day every freaking year. Like it or not, he is their father and that bond is there forever. Your kids will be faced with Father's Day every year too, at school for crafts, etc. With the media it is everywhere for at a minimum of one month before the actual holiday. If you make it "not a big deal", they will be comfortable doing things for their Dad without upsetting you. If they are with him the week before a holiday like mother's day, you would probably want him to help them get a card. Bottom line, do what will set a precedent for the next 20 years that makes these "Hallmark" days the easiest for your kids. Maybe , just maybe, their Dad will learn from you.

I know this sounds like preaching, and I don't mean for it to. My DH's ex all but threatened her kids if they ever did anything nice for their Dad. They grew up basically ignoring him. Now, they are in their mid 20s and they really resent her for it. They still feel guilty paying attention to him, it is soooooo sad. OK, I'll slink away now. Off to open a bottle of wine!!!!!!!

[MDPhDWife]

Not to hijak, but for those who have children with an ex, how do you handle gift giving holidays? Should I be getting E something from the kids, or is a card sufficient? For the record, I got squat from him, but that doesn't surprise me at all. My folks stepped up and took C shopping for a card for me.

I'm going to preface this by saying my ex and I were most definitely NOT on good terms for several years, but for the last 2 1/2 have been on EXCELLENT terms. The gifts the first several years weren't much more than a card because we were fighting like cats and dogs but also because our DD wasn't old enough want to do anything (we divorced when she was only 5 months old). Now that things are a million times better AND more importantly she's at an age where she wants to do something nice for her dads (she's just as close to her stepdad as she is her bio dad) I always make a point of getting him things for Father's Day, Christmas, and his Birthday. I even buy her dad and stepmom an anniversary card every year. I also buy her stepmom a gift for Mother's Day, Christmas, and her Birthday. We also buy her half brother's from her dad's current marriage birthday gifts. They didn't reciprocate in the earlier years when times were rocky but now they do. Just last night our youngest DD Gracie (who is from my current marriage) was invited over to their home to spend the night because Darla (my ex's wife) baked a beautiful cake for Gracie's birthday and wanted to make her a special birthday meal. Those of you who have been around IMSN for a while can remember my drama filled posts of the nightmares I was having with these people who are now nothing but blessings in our lives. Amazing how time can change things.

[Meenah]

Charlene, we could write a book together!!!!!

[MDPhDWife]

Charlene, we could write a book together!!!!!

LOL, based on the other thread, I'm thinking you've got a bestseller just waiting to be written by you!

[GrayMatterWife]

I am getting DH nothing. But then, I also got him nothing for Valentine's Day and our anniversary, either. I am sick of buying DH gifts when he never gets me anything, ever (my Christmas gift last year? Leftover gift certificates that I already knew about, that he got for filling out a survey from a spine rep--you SUCK--he didn't even wrap them. I was so pissed at the thoughtlessness--I got him a really nice watch that he'd hinted at.)

DS is giving him a card he selected.

I did not get DH a gift before he was a father.

[MrsK]

The bitter side of me says "screw it".

The mature side of me says help them get a card and mail it, because for the next 20 years you will have to deal with Father's Day every freaking year. Like it or not, he is their father and that bond is there forever. Your kids will be faced with Father's Day every year too, at school for crafts, etc. With the media it is everywhere for at a minimum of one month before the actual holiday. If you make it "not a big deal", they will be comfortable doing things for their Dad without upsetting you. If they are with him the week before a holiday like mother's day, you would probably want him to help them get a card. Bottom line, do what will set a precedent for the next 20 years that makes these "Hallmark" days the easiest for your kids. Maybe , just maybe, their Dad will learn from you.

I know this sounds like preaching, and I don't mean for it to. My DH's ex all but threatened her kids if they ever did anything nice for their Dad. They grew up basically ignoring him. Now, they are in their mid 20s and they really resent her for it. They still feel guilty paying attention to him, it is soooooo sad. OK, I'll slink away now. Off to open a bottle of wine!!!!!!!

Luanne, this is wonderful advise. I would not have considered it from the perspective of a kid that wants to do something nice for dad but is afraid to upset mom. My parents divorced when my brothers and I were adults and we still struggle with balancing this.

[Tenacious_D]

I am deciding between a tackle box (and he'll get a rod for his B-day) or a really nice decanter since he seems to enjoy his Johnny Walker after some longer nights at work

[DCJenn]

I'm sure the dude will be making him something at his summer day camp. He gets to live in my house in DC. That's his gift from me. His dad (step-dad, really) is dead and his adoptive father is a deadbeat who hasn't spoken to us in 10 years.

I have no idea what to get my dad. He's got everything a man could want.

Jenn

[HouseofWool]

At this point, I am planning on taking DS to get E a card (now that he can pick them out himself) and that is the extent of it unless DS specifically asks to get him something. We'll see. DS got me a card and a pack of cataloupe seeds for Mother's Day, so I don't anticipate getting E a whole lot.

[Gwendolyn]

Father's Day

I know I am terrible at lurking, but I have to say I love this thread. It is nice to know that there tends to be a crappy Mother's Day observance epidemic, rather than just my DH sucking horribly. I have an inexplicable compulsion to get DH the type of gift I wish he had gotten me for mother's day...like lead by example. Ten years and three kids, mother's day still ends in an angry exchange

I have started taking the approach that I will get a household item that we could really use, but have been putting-off getting. Our "free-with-tv" blueray has crapped out, so he will get a new blueray player. As for mother's day, I bought myself an ipad. Thanks darling

[DCJenn]

Exactly. As much as I know that it's a manufactured holiday, it's supposed to honor MOTHERS. How hard is it? At least Mother's day is first so we can assess the situation.

J