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Holy moly, this is so sad.

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  • Holy moly, this is so sad.

    Do you guys see this type of bullying at your schools?


    1 Ohio school, 4 bullied teens dead at own hand



    MENTOR, Ohio — Sladjana Vidovic's body lay in an open casket, dressed in the sparkly pink dress she had planned to wear to the prom. Days earlier, she had tied one end of a rope around her neck and the other around a bed post before jumping out her bedroom window.
    The 16-year-old's last words, scribbled in English and her native Croatian, told of her daily torment at Mentor High School, where students mocked her accent, taunted her with insults like "Slutty Jana" and threw food at her.
    It was the fourth time in little more than two years that a bullied high school student in this small Cleveland suburb on Lake Erie died by his or her own hand — three suicides, one overdose of antidepressants. One was bullied for being gay, another for having a learning disability, another for being a boy who happened to like wearing pink.
    Now two families — including the Vidovics — are suing the school district, claiming their children were bullied to death and the school did nothing to stop it. The lawsuits come after a national spate of high-profile suicides by gay teens and others, and during a time of national soul-searching about what can be done to stop it.
    If there has been soul-searching among the bullies in Mentor — a pleasant beachfront community that was voted one of the "100 Best Places to Live" by CNN and Money magazine this year — Sladjana's family saw too little of it at her wake in October 2008.
    Suzana Vidovic found her sister's body hanging over the front lawn. The family watched, she said, as the girls who had tormented Sladjana for months walked up to the casket — and laughed.
    "They were laughing at the way she looked," Suzana says, crying. "Even though she died."
    ___
    Sladjana Vidovic, whose family had moved to northeast Ohio from Bosnia when she was a little girl, was pretty, vivacious and charming. She loved to dance. She would turn on the stereo and drag her father out of his chair, dance him in circles around the living room.
    "Nonstop smile. Nonstop music," says her father, Dragan, who speaks only a little English.
    At school, life was very different. She was ridiculed for her thick accent. Classmates tossed insults like "Slutty Jana" or "Slut-Jana-Vagina." A boy pushed her down the stairs. A girl smacked her in the face with a water bottle.
    Phone callers in the dead of night would tell her to go back to Croatia, that she'd be dead in the morning, that they'd find her after school, says Suzana Vidovic.
    "Sladjana did stand up for herself, but toward the end she just kind of stopped," says her best friend, Jelena Jandric. "Because she couldn't handle it. She didn't have enough strength."
    Vidovic's parents say they begged the school to intervene many times. They say the school promised to take care of her.
    She had already withdrawn from Mentor and enrolled in an online school about a week before she killed herself.
    When the family tried to retrieve records about their reports of bullying, school officials told them the records were destroyed during a switch to computers. The family sued in August.
    Two years after her death, Dragan Vidovic waves his hand over the family living room, where a vase of pink flowers stands next to a photograph of Sladjana.
    "Today, no music," he says sadly. "No smile."
    ___
    Eric Mohat was flamboyant and loud and preferred to wear pink most of the time. When he didn't get the lead soprano part in the choir his freshman year, he was indignant, his mother says.
    He wore a stuffed animal strapped to his arm, a lemur named Georges that was given its own seat in class.
    "It was a gag," says Mohat's father, Bill. "And all the girls would come up to pet his monkey. And in his Spanish class they would write stories about Georges."
    Mohat's family and friends say he wasn't gay, but people thought he was.
    "They called him fag, homo, queer," says his mother, Jan. "He told us that."
    Bullies once knocked a pile of books out of his hands on the stairs, saying, "'Pick up your books, faggot,'" says Dan Hughes, a friend of Eric's.
    Kids would flick him in the head or call him names, says 20-year-old Drew Juratovac, a former student. One time, a boy called Mohat a "homo," and Juratovac told him to leave Mohat alone.
    "I got up and said, 'Listen, you better leave this kid alone. Just walk away,'" he says. "And I just hit him in the face. And I got suspended for it."
    Eric Mohat shot himself on March 29, 2007, two weeks before a choir trip to Hawaii.
    His parents asked the coroner to call it "bullicide." At Eric's funeral and after his death, other kids told the Mohats that they had seen the teen relentlessly bullied in math class. The Mohats demanded that police investigate, but no criminal activity was found.
    Two years later, in April 2009, the Mohats sued the school district, the principal, the superintendent and Eric's math teacher. The federal lawsuit is on hold while the Ohio Supreme Court considers a question of state law regarding the case.
    "Did we raise him to be too polite?" Bill Mohat wonders. "Did we leave him defenseless in this school?"
    ___
    Meredith Rezak, 16, shot herself in the head three weeks after the death of Mohat, a good friend of hers. Her cell phone, found next to her body, contained a photograph of Mohat with the caption "R.I.P. Eric a.k.a. Twiggy."
    Rezak was bright, outgoing and a well-liked player on the volleyball team. Shortly before her suicide, she had joined the school's Gay-Straight Alliance and told friends and family she thought she might be gay.
    Juratovac says Rezak endured her own share of bullying — "name-calling, just stupid trivial stuff" — but nobody ever knew it was getting to her.
    "Meredith ended up coming out that she was a lesbian," he says. "I think much of that sparked a lot of the bullying from a lot of the other girls in school, 'cause she didn't fit in."
    Her best friend, Kevin Simon, doesn't believe that bullying played a role in Rezak's death. She had serious issues at home that were unrelated to school, he says.
    After Mohat's death, people saw Rezak crying at school, and friends heard her talk of suicide herself.
    A year after Rezak's death, the older of her two brothers, 22-year-old Justin, also shot and killed himself. His death certificate mentioned "chronic depressive reaction."
    This March, her only other sibling, Matthew, died of a drug overdose at age 21.
    Their mother, Nancy Merritt, lives in Colorado now. She doesn't think Meredith was bullied to death but doesn't really know what happened. On the phone, her voice drifts off, sounding disconnected, confused.
    "So all three of mine are gone," she says. "I have to keep breathing."
    ___
    Most mornings before school, Jennifer Eyring would take Pepto-Bismol to calm her stomach and plead with her mother to let her stay home.
    "She used to sob to me in the morning that she did not want to go," says her mother, Janet. "And this is going to bring tears to my eyes. Because I made her go to school."
    Eyring, 16, was an accomplished equestrian who had a learning disability. She was developmentally delayed and had a hearing problem, so she received tutoring during the school day. For that, her mother says, she was bullied constantly.
    By the end of her sophomore year in 2006, Eyring's mother had decided to pull her out of Mentor High School and enroll her in an online school the following autumn. But one night that summer, Jennifer walked into her parents' bedroom and told them she had taken some of her mother's antidepressant pills to make herself feel better. Hours later, she died of an overdose.
    The Eyrings do not hold Mentor High accountable, but they believe she would be alive today had she not been bullied. Her parents are speaking out in hopes of preventing more tragedies.
    "It's too late for my daughter," Janet Eyring says, "but it may not be too late for someone else."
    ___
    No official from Mentor public schools would comment for this story. The school also refused to provide details on its anti-bullying program.
    Some students say the problem is the culture of conformity in this city of about 50,000 people: If you're not an athlete or cheerleader, you're not cool. And if you're not cool, you're a prime target for the bullies.
    But that's not so different from most high schools. Senior Matt Super, who's 17, says the suicides unfairly paint his school in a bad light.
    "Not everybody's a good person," he says. "And in a group of 3,000 people, there are going to be bad people."
    StopCyberbulling.org founder Parry Aftab says this is the first time she's heard of two sets of parents suing a school at the same time for two independent cases of bullying or cyberbullying. No one has been accused of bullying more than one of the teens who died.
    Barbara Coloroso, a national anti-bullying expert, says the school is allowing a "culture of mean" to thrive, and school officials should be held responsible for the suicides — along with the bullies.
    "Bullying doesn't start as criminal. They need to be held accountable the very first time they call somebody a gross term," Coloroso says. "That is the beginning of dehumanization."
    Tara
    Married 20 years to MD/PhD in year 3 of MFM fellowship. SAHM to five wonderful children (#6 due in August), a sweet GSD named Bella, a black lab named Toby, and 1 guinea pig.

  • #2
    Holy cow. That's not far from here at all. The very idea of attending a funeral and LAUGHING at the deceased... what the hell kind of monsters are they?

    So glad I was so incredibly lucky that I avoided bullying, from either side. I don't know if it was just my class, or something the school/district itself did, or the community in general, but intelligence was actually valued, and one of the most flamboyantly gay guys in my class was class president one year, and this was in the 80's. How the hell is it "unfairly painting the school in a bad light" if the school is stuck in a 50's mentality and people get away with bullying anyone who isn't "cool"? It has to be more than "a few" kids, and they have to have some backup.
    Sandy
    Wife of EM Attending, Web Programmer, mom to one older lady scaredy-cat and one sweet-but-dumb younger boy kitty

    Comment


    • #3
      DH has several adopted siblings who attend nice suburban schools. One of them experienced such horrible things that DH's mom started homeschooling that one. A younger brother (very socially adept) got sick of seeing people he cared about being bullied, so... he solved it by starting a gang! After a life-threatening event, his mom pulled him, too. He spent a couple months at our house and is now living with my parents. He's attending my old public school, which is small enough that everyone can help him along.

      It's enough to make me swear off public schools. But the oldest girl just graduated from the same high school and apparently didn't experience the same kinds of problems. Some kids just seem to get targeted and can't pull out of it. We feel lucky that there *are* other options for these kids. For some families, there is no other solution.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Deb7456 View Post

        It's enough to make me swear off public schools..
        It's enough to make me swear of private schools. It happens everywhere. Public, private, rich districts, poor districts. I was tormented at a Christian private school for several years. I was black and a little chubby in elem. and middle school. It was not until I went to a public high school that I excelled, but then I had to deal with the girls that were jealous of me.

        And I cannot imagine being in HS or MS with effing Facebook around. That is a whole new issue.
        Last edited by Chrisada; 10-08-2010, 11:52 AM.

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        • #5
          This is a few towns over from here. Actually, we play them in all the sports conferences. I can tell you the kid environment here is rough. My kids are terrified of the idea of moving because moving in here was just so hard. Fitting in is everything. I think that is true most everywhere - but sometimes I wonder if it isn't more difficult here than it would be back in Boston - or Baltimore - or - anywhere. It's just scary.

          Still waiting for Kelly to move on buying that communal farm for all us iMSN families.....
          Angie
          Gyn-Onc fellowship survivor - 10 years out of the training years; reluctant suburbanite
          Mom to DS (18) and DD (15) (and many many pets)

          "Where are we going - and what am I doing in this handbasket?"

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by LilySayWhat
            It's horribly sad. What I don't get is why people are shocked that bullying is so prevalent in our culture. We have adults being paid to yell and bully each other under the guise of being political pundits or media personalities (Glenn Beck, O'Reilly, Dr Laura, and Rush come to mind). We laugh and watch when NJ youths fistpump, hump and fight each other on MTV.
            Very true. How about the guy running for NY governor who said "I'll take you OUT." to a reporter (not as in, "to dinner"). People interviewed right after the town hall meeting where it occurred LIKED it. Civilized discourse is not valued in our culture these days.

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            • #7
              I just processed a death report for a local teen who hung himself - partially related to bullying.

              J.

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              • #8
                I've been horrified by the recent rash of teen suicides committed because of homophobia. It is awful. So much a part of our machismo culture is to denigrate women, homosexuality, and to glorify brute strength. It is almost seen as some sort of right of passage and the boys want to say these things to fit in and yet they are killing a part of their soul when they do. So sad.
                In my dreams I run with the Kenyans.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I think all these deaths are very tragic.

                  I wonder if bullying is truly worse now? I think cyber bullying adds a whole new dimension because it reaches more people and is out there on the internets forever. But regular in school bullying....is it really worse than before?
                  Mom of 3, Veterinarian

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                  • #10
                    I don't know if it's worse, or if kids have different coping mechanisms, or what. I would agree that facebook, texting, and the internet really add a whole new ugly dimension to bullying.

                    Interestingly, a 15 year old just got arrested today from the high school in our district for sending a threatening text. And when ds got home he said two boys in his middle school were arrested for fighting. The locker next to his was dented in and both boys were in separate police cars.
                    Tara
                    Married 20 years to MD/PhD in year 3 of MFM fellowship. SAHM to five wonderful children (#6 due in August), a sweet GSD named Bella, a black lab named Toby, and 1 guinea pig.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Michele, I know there are people who think it is worse, but I don't. Maybe my life was just way more screwed up though. I moved every 1-3 years and it was torture. There might not have been FB but somehow all of the kids were able to communicate "meet in the Annex near the gym with a 2 liter bottle filled with perfume so we can corner the new kid who is so weird, back her into a corner and pour it over her head while we all laugh at her." At least it didn't go viral I guess.

                      I think we are more aware now. Kids are still the same creeps that they used to be, as are their parents.

                      Damn, I feel really bitter after writing that.

                      Gaaah
                      ~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
                      ~A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

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                      • #12
                        The very idea of attending a funeral and LAUGHING at the deceased... what the hell kind of monsters are they?
                        To be honest, I kind of doubt this particular incident actually happened, at least in the context the article gives. Only one article mentioned that particular story.

                        At any rate, it's sickening.
                        Married to a newly minted Pediatric Rad, momma to a sweet girl and a bunch of (mostly) cute boy monsters.



                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by SoonerTexan View Post
                          To be honest, I kind of doubt this particular incident actually happened, at least in the context the article gives. Only one article mentioned that particular story.

                          At any rate, it's sickening.
                          Yeah, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that if there was laughing, the wording does not preclude it being later on, not necessarily *at* the funeral.
                          Sandy
                          Wife of EM Attending, Web Programmer, mom to one older lady scaredy-cat and one sweet-but-dumb younger boy kitty

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I agree with Kris. I don't think the bullying is worse, but that we "hear" about it more through social media, the internet and instant news. My brother, who is 2 years younger, was horribly bullied from middle school on through high school. Bullying was one of the contributing factors to him dropping out of high school, a decision that he regrets today. My brother had food (milk shakes, sodas, lunches, etc.) constantly dumped on him, lunch money stolen, homework taken, stuffed into lockers, hit, smacked around due to his small size- they played on my brother's learning disabilities and developmental delay. He didn't hit puberty until he was 14 when he was put on growth hormone shots. My parents talked to other parents, teachers, school officials and they didn't or wouldn't do anything. There was a lot of "haha, well kids will be kids." To add to all of this- he had to follow me in school and have all of the same teachers. I was the "standard." Teachers constantly told him "Why aren't you as smart as your sister?, "Wow your sister did so much better at this." I understand now why brother hated me, and I mean he hated me. Not only did he get it from the students he got it from teachers as well. My brother contemplated suicide on a regular basis. He hated school, he hated life. I didn't know the extent of how bad until years after. I heard "rumors" about people being mean to my brother, but I thought they were just that rumors. I wish I had done more to stand up to him, but I was so wrapped up and self-centered that I couldn't see outside of school studies, and sports. I knew my parents checked my brother into a psych hospital his sophmore year, and found out years later that my mom had walked in on him with a gun in hand. I shutter to think about what had driven him to that point.
                            Last edited by Amiens; 10-08-2010, 09:00 PM.
                            Gas, and 4 kids

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                            • #15
                              That is awful, Crystal!

                              I assume the face to face bullying is similar to what it was, but I think the social media / testing aspect just allows everything to be escalated. Kids can be cruel. Kids who might wish they " had it in them" to say x, y or z can be a lot more bold when they're not face to face. It's pretty terrifying.

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