You might be a medspouse if...

[MrsK]

When your newborn wakes at 2 AM, your DH frantically runs through the house looking for his pager.

[MrsK]

Or when trying to install a carseat, he tells you to put your hand between the seat cushions "just like you would put your hand between a pair of butt cheeks for a DRE"

[GreyhoundsRUs]

When the fry timer goes off at a fast-food place, DH thinks it's his pager.

[diggitydot]

- When you find yourself thinking "BULLSHIT!" during medical drama TV shows.

- When out with friends at least one person has a list on a piece of scratch paper, a pen in hand, and will be ducking out to do patient turn overs.

- You find hemostats SUPER handy for everyday use.

- Your kids know what hemostats are.

- You have more scrubs than dishes in the house.

[houseelf]

While your junk drawer lacks basics like Sharpie Markers or Scotch tape, you do have access to several scalpels, hemostats, and surgical gloves on hand.

Your medicine cabinet lacks things like Tylenol and Pepto Bismal. Instead, your cabinet is teeming with sutures, an IV drip, medical glue, and lidocaine.

Your husband has tried to fix the toilet with said hemostats and scalpels.

While the trunk of your car lacks basics like jumper cables and a tire wrench, you do find a box with a pair of loops.

You have many books that are purportedly written in English in your house but you have no idea what they say.

You have graphic pictures of bloody, intimate body parts right next to pics of your kids at Disney.

Dinner conversation normally includes topics that make most people nauseous.

Your student loan payment rivals your mortgage payment.

Your kids know are fluent in terms like q3 and PGY4.

[Vanquisher]

When pillows and stuffed animals losing their stuffing, they get sutured back together.

If you have a fishing tackle box full of gauze, sutures, lidocaine, forceps, and hemostats.

If you've ever used surgical supplies to get the hair out from a vacuum brush roller or declog a drain.

If you've ever had minor surgical procedures in your home.

If you can't enjoy watching Grey's Anatomy or House with your spouse because they tell you what's bullshit in every scene. You know it too, but it's called suspension of disbelief!

If, during training, you ever looked up nonextradition countries to jump your loans or had to explain to someone that Walmart cashiers make more per hour.

If you know what call, fybigmir, pgy, gomer, and all sorts of other terms mean.

If people assume you're a single mom and you've made up a husband.

If you've postponed birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays routinely.

If you can do fancy calculations in your head to figure out dawkter time. You know that "I'll be home early today," in fact, means "don't hold dinner."

[L.Jane]

...When you pick up your DF's camera to look through the pictures from the event the other day you see pictures of internal organs. (Taken for presentations)

...you never know what his schedule is going to be. It changes daily, hourly....

... If he calls to tell you he will be leaving in 5 minutes, you know its at least another half hour.

... When out to dinner with colleagues, the dinner conversation can turn the stomach of anyone sitting near by.

[corn poffi]

...you get asked what you're doing this weekend on a Tuesday because your SO has no idea what day it is.
...you never make reservations or RSVP for anything...unless he's not coming.

[Cinderella]

When family and friends have no shame calling you to ask your husband for free medical advice and then they spend more time with your spouse discussing medical issues then you get time alone with him.
...you get a physical exam and treated like a patient when you don't feel well.
...you get professional courtesy such as in Egypt my husband could walk into a pharamcy and say I'm a Doctor, show his medical card, and tell them my Wife needs a shot right now. Then they rush to give him the medicine and their backroom to give me the shot immediatly in privacy.
...when slicing the cheese or a cutting the fruit is like surgery and not our typical food prep.

[scarlett09]

...you read about their patients in the newspaper and you know that what is written is not the absolute truth. (BTW, not a HIPPA violation, but you can put two-and-two together based upon age of patient and symptoms/injuries that were related to you.)
...you have been woken up in the middle of the night by a page from a parent who wants to know when they can pierce their kids' ears or to reschedule their appointment for tomorrow.
...your physical injuries are given the quick once-over and you are declared fine, where as if you were a patient, you know you would get WAY more assessment and evaluation than that.
...you know enough about the people your spouse works with (even if you have never met them) to understand the funny skits and parodies at the end-of-year parties and banquets.
...you host a study group at your house for an exam that doesn't take place for another 15 months.
...when someone asks your spouse if they are available to do something, your spouse looks at you and repeats the question because you have their schedule memorized, synced to your Google calendar and can remotely access the online resident schedule. They can barely remember what they did today, let alone where they will be in 2 weeks time.

[SuzySunshine]

- people assume that you have learned by osmosis and ask you for medical opinions when your DH is not around.

[DCJenn]

You could leave the country and/or set up Swiss or Bahamian bank accounts and the dawktor would be none the wiser.

All of the neighborhood kids know which medical books have the naked ladies in them.

Your husbands friends love it when he's on-call because 1) he's the designated driver and 2) they find it funny to listen to him talk to the interns.

You want to call the interns to tell them how to do the H&P that he's going to ask them to do- just to skip that step of the phone call tirade. " No, seriously- GO LOOK IN THEIR EYES. ARE THEY DILATED EQUALLY? OK, WHICH ONE IS BIGGER. THEIR RIGHT OR YOUR RIGHT." and the ever present, "Have you called the Peds resident? No? You paged the subspecialist before you called the peds department? You know this is a teaching institution, right? Call peds and have the resident call me back." (I'm pretty sure they all hate him)

Jenn

[peggyfromwastate]

Scary that my dh has done almost every thing listed here... We are all married to the same man apparently.

[peggyfromwastate]

I would add:

... If you take vacations without your doctor spouse more often than with him.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Or if your "vacations" mostly revolve around conferences and presentation