Nervous New Member

[Thirteen]

Living in CA and being in medical school/indentured servitude as a resident are two very different things. The lights get dim fast when you realize 1) you can't afford to do all the glamorous things that usually are attributed to living there, 2) you can't afford housing in a good area, and 3) you can't afford pretty much anything else. Also, the stress of medicine is amplified x1,000 by the sheer number of neurotic, angry, and stressed out people that are also realizing 1, 2, and 3 around you. It's quite an eye opener.
What schools are he interested in? I know that a few are private ($$$$$) and the public ones are just as expensive, as he would be an out-of-state applicant. Additionally, places such as U.C.L.A. have lost their shine, for other reasons I will not discuss on a public forum. If you're interested, I'd be willing to speak privately about it.

Wow, this response sounds jaded and bitter as all hell... I promise I'm not. That much.

[peggyfromwastate]

Lol wildfin- it doesn't take long to get jaded does it!!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Welcome!

The only thing I have to add is to encourage him to take a very hard look at the cost of in-state and out-of-state programs if he ends up having both options. It might make the decision for him. As one half of a couple who worried VERY much about the "perfect fit" for schools, I've come to the conclusion that med school is pretty much med school (with some exceptions of course) and the best thing you can do is go to the best one you get into that costs the least amount of money!

This!!!! As someone whose DH goes to a private med school in his HOME STATE, I wished I had pushed harder for an in-state school (OSU is an excellent med school). At the time, I wasn't involved enough to let it matter...I let him choose and I sorely wish now that I would have expressed my opinion more. Of course that probably would have been overstepping since we weren't engaged yet but still...Only upside is that at OSU, I would have been living with my in-laws. In Cleveland, we at least live 2 hours away.

[SoonerTexan]

Living in CA and being in medical school/indentured servitude as a resident are two very different things. The lights get dim fast when you realize 1) you can't afford to do all the glamorous things that usually are attributed to living there, 2) you can't afford housing in a good area, and 3) you can't afford pretty much anything else. Also, the stress of medicine is amplified x1,000 by the sheer number of neurotic, angry, and stressed out people that are also realizing 1, 2, and 3 around you. It's quite an eye opener.

This! Going to med school or even doing residency in a certain state isn't necessarily going to help or limit his job options there. He can always live there later

I'd also encourage him to look at Texas med schools. We have it DAMN good. The school DH attends is ranked relatively high (I honestly think a lot of the rankings are crap, but unfortunately it still matters) and the tuition is the cheapest I've heard of anywhere. They give it to out-of-state applicants too and reserve 10% of their spots for out-of-staters.

Texas isn't California, but it is warm (actually...hot as hell 3 months out of the year but quite nice the other 9) and the cost-of-living is hard to beat. It's an easier job market than CA too...which would make it easier on you.

DH got into Ohio State, which really was a dream school for him, and I think I would have loved the area as well. However, we chose 15k/year tuition and a good job offer (mine) at a school we were a little unsure about over 40k/year and a sucky job market. (there was also family involved) and I can say we made the right decision.

Bottom line, it depends on where he gets in. However, once he has his options laid out (unless he only gets in one place and the decision is made for him), I think you have every right to bring these things up if you want to continue pursuing a relationship.

[L.Jane]

I'd also encourage him to look at Texas med schools. We have it DAMN good. The school DH attends is ranked relatively high (I honestly think a lot of the rankings are crap, but unfortunately it still matters) and the tuition is the cheapest I've heard of anywhere. They give it to out-of-state applicants too and reserve 10% of their spots for out-of-staters.

Texas isn't California, but it is warm (actually...hot as hell 3 months out of the year but quite nice the other 9) and the cost-of-living is hard to beat.

This. My DH went to the same school Sooners is going to. He was from out of state, but changed all his info over to Texas (drivers license and what not) and was able to pay in state tuition. He has MUCH less debt that the would have if he had gone anywhere else, ESPECIALLY private. It is really awesome.

[SoonerTexan]

He was from out of state, but changed all his info over to Texas (drivers license and what not) and was able to pay in state tuition.

Now you don't even have to do that. You get in-state tuition if you get a scholarship. And they give every out-of-stater a $1k scholarship so they get the tuition. It's a really good deal.

Thank you again for the advice, everyone!

As for the in-state vs. out-of-state, i prefer him to stay here, but thats not really my decision as I have no idea where he'll even get accepted. I had forgotten to mention that he was thinking about paying for med school by enlisting (therefore receiving all of his schooling for free in return for military service). This alone is another worry of mine. I just dont know about all of this. I mean, 4 years of med school, 4 years of residency, 4 years of military service...he's gonna be ancient by the time he actually gets into practice. and by that time, I'll be fossilized. If he plans on doing all of this, he wont "be in the right place" to get married for a LONG time. So when is the "right time" to settle down when you're a med student with about 800 years of servitude left? yikes!!

[peggyfromwastate]

He needs to look at the uniformed services university if he's thinking of joining the military. My dh did this route. That's a whole other situation right there. There are pros and cons definitely. There is also the hpsp scholarship which would make the cost of tuition a moot point, but not the cost of living in the city you live in. That will definitely affect you. And later on, you generally have to do a military residency, which can limit (in some cases) your chance of going into a certain field.

[L.Jane]

Thank you again for the advice, everyone! So when is the "right time" to settle down when you're a med student with about 800 years of servitude left? yikes!!

There is no "right time". Its just when its right for you. We have had people on here get married at every state. My DH and I just got married a week ago after being together through the final year of med school and three years of residency (with three more to go). Research year just was perfect for us, but whenever you are ready is when it is right. While research year really was the "perfect" time for us, that doesn't usually happen.

[peggyfromwastate]

And just a FYI- the military med students generally get married sooner than the non military. It has to do with the income stabilization probably. My dh was 26 I thinkwhen he started med school at usu, definitely not ancient so no worries there.

We have a military forum here (is that private? I don't think so) so when you have specific questions about that I would encourage you to look there...

awesome! thank you AGAIN, everyone!! this has been so helpful! I do have a couple "newbie" questions: what does DH stand for? obviously i know it means your significant other, but what do the letters represent? and also, how does one get to participate in a private forum? i'd like to post in the military one now that its been brought to my attention.

[Vanquisher]

We got married at 19 and did the whole shabang together. Why not? 15 years later, I still love him.


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[peggyfromwastate]

Private forums you need 50 posts to get in. I don't remember if military spouses is a private forum though. Look in the grand rounds area- it's a sub forum there I think.

Dh is dear husband.

[Vanquisher]

Peggy, you might need 100 now. I think they upped it a while back.


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[peggyfromwastate]

Oh wow. I'm so out of it!

Nancy just post often and you'll get there!! We have lots of lively conversations going on in grand rounds too!!