I don't know what to do!

[corn poffi]

Hear hear! Very well said!

[GrayMatterWife]

Hey, I forgot as I was typing: your hubbie was already a trained MD in Syria, right?

OK, so he's been in the "real world" working... disregard that comment as inapplicable to you...

What I would recommend is finding some other docs in his position, with whom to socialize. Being the foreign-trained doctor can be emotionally isolating. I have seen several wash-out, just exhausted from the culture and language shock. On the other hand, I've seen several just bust-it-out, really succeeding where the US-trained docs got crushed.

Your situation is more complicated than the "Wow! My DH is a pissy bitch because he doesn't like his PGY1 year" scenario.

[ladymoreta]

So glad he's feeling better!

[diggitydot]

While I typically go out of my way to make the dude's life easier (ie, make him coffee/food when he's running late, drop off Starbucks or lunch if I'm near the clinic, keep him in clean undies, keep a roof over his head, etc.) he frequently gets a healthy dose of suck it the fuck up if he starts feeling too sorry for himself. He was the idiot with the dream of being a dawktor, not me. He can grow a set and deal.

That said, real depression is a big deal and not to be taken lightly. "Oh, poor me, residency sucks" versus "Oh, poor me, life sucks and I wanna end it all" makes a HUGE difference. One gets a metric assload of suck it up; the other an appointment to their own doc.

[Momo]

It can be tough...just never give up!

[diggitydot]

You know, that's a REALLY good point about home. Especially if a good amount of his friends and family are still there. Yeah, that would seriously suck balls on top of the normal shitfest of residency added to the mix.

[MarissaNicole]

Only skimmed the other answers but add me to the list of "totally normal."

All medical residents were once at the top of their high school and college class, and they have issues with being average, not to mention there is a LOT to learn when transitioning from med student to resident. In additional its not a grade at stake, its someone's life and their reputation on the line.

Luckily I was warned about it so I didn't even give a thought to him quitting. I tend to give him a combo of babying and tough love. I baby him in that I make him lunch every day (this is more of a budget thing), I make sure we have cliff bars and protein bars in the house, and I usually make dinner or make sure there is something in the freezer he can microwave. I am harder on him that I do not tolerate any quitting or complaining talk. I allow him to express bad/sad days and occasional vents about being dumped on by other services, but I am quick to remind him that 1) HE CHOSE medicine, 2) HE CHOSE this specialty.

My husband often loses 5 pounds during a bad week because he doesn't have time to eat. I would suggest encouraging him to put cliff bars/protein bars in his pocket and if he has 30 seconds when in the stairwell, to eat a bite he should.

My husbands program rounds at 6:30, and he is generally THERE at 4:30. As low man on the totem pole, he needs to know what happened over night with each and every patient (and they often have 35-40 on their service). It is an adjustment, but they eventually get better at it. They will always have days when they feel they should have known or responded quicker or done something different.

There is also a lot of pressure to absorb and learn when they aren't working. For my DH he has set a small goal of trying to read one page a night in one of his books a night. He has days that he has more time to study, but for the weeks when he feels like he has NO time, it gives him a peace of mind to know that even if he only has time for one page, he will be done with the book within a year.

[AmeliePoulain]

Graymatterswife,
Nobody ever said emotion always leads to good judgment. He did say the bedroom was sooo relaxing though not a shoe out of place. And he actually was the smartest guy in the room, HS, Med School... chief resident...

The other huge huge elephant in the room( for those that may have forgotten or do not know) is what is going on in his homeland. The psychological impact of knowing your government is slaughtering innocent lives day in and day out...hoping & praying your loved ones & friends are safe...we live w/ this stress day in & out. When you add on the stressor of what is happening in Syria to residency well its pretty understandable that he's down.

You hit the nail right on the head although I just have to add the US media only shows one side of the story.

[AmeliePoulain]

"It is an adjustment, but they eventually get better at it. They will always have days when they feel they should have known or responded quicker or done something different."

MarissaNicole,
That is exactly him! He beat himself up the whole day once because he studied about a case in the morning and later when asked he just went blank. He also reads every night in bed. They start at 8 but gets there at 6. He is doing so much better. It was just the worst week he had so far. Today he said "you know I think it's just a cycle I go through, I have trouble adjusting" ugh why didn't you tell me that a few days ago! He said once that he almost quit and was picturing turning in the lab coat and thinking of the politest way to say see ya! I got him to start taking cereal and protein bars and he said it actually helps even though he was resisting at first. Someone suggested esspresso shots since he was avoiding drinks altogether. He had always been a coffee drinker and it helps his mood and alertness is what he said today. He's in a good mood today. I hope it lasts but if it doesn't then around we go again and at least I know now.

[GrayMatterWife]

Graymatterswife,
Nobody ever said emotion always leads to good judgment.

Neither did I. Emotion usually results in clouded judgment. Exactly why he should not quit, and you should not encourage him to quit, in the PGY1 year. Everything is too raw. Plow through, and reassess about this time next year.

[diggitydot]

The protein bars, nut snacks, and highly caffeinated drinks are all apart of our daily existence. Don't underestimate the mood-lifting ability of Starbucks...

[MarissaNicole]

"It is an adjustment, but they eventually get better at it. They will always have days when they feel they should have known or responded quicker or done something different."

MarissaNicole,
That is exactly him! He beat himself up the whole day because he studied about a case in the morning and later when asked he just went blank. He also reads every night in bed. They start at 8 but gets there at 6. He is doing so much better. It was just the worst week he had so far. Today he said "you know I think it's just a cycle I go through, I have trouble adjusting" ugh why didn't you tell me that a few days ago! He said once that he almost quit and was picturing turning in the lab coat and thinking of the politest way to say see ya! I got him to start taking cereal and protein bars and he said it actually helps even though he was resisting at first. Someone suggested esspresso shots since he was avoiding drinks altogether. He had always been a coffee drinker and it helps his mood and alertness is what he said today. He's in a good mood today. I hope it lasts but if it doesn't then around we go again and at least I know now.

I'm glad he is starting to adjust, it is a huge change. But don't panic if he has a rough week again, it will be several years of ups and downs. It's hard learning when to give them tough love and when they just need and listening ear, but you'll both figure it out! At least now you know not to freak out when he has a bad week - it's totally normal! And don't forget to let him know that quitting is NOT an option!