Best year in medical school to have a baby...

We'd like to have at least 2 more kiddos before my husband gets the snip. We'd always planned on 5 kids. However, since medical school has started, I have no idea how that would be possible. I've heard M4 is the best year to do it, if you're going to do it. My problem with this, though, is that I know my husband is going to do away rotations and I can't imagine having a newborn with him being gone for weeks at a time. What about M3? Anyone have any experience with this? The other alternative would be to wait until 2nd year of residency, but that's a really long time away (would put 6 years in between kid 3 and kid 4). I'd be in my mid-thirties at that point and I just really didn't want to drag out childbearing for that long.

Suggestions? Advice? Commentary?

[poky]

There's no "right" answer to this, and it's one of the most-asked questions. From what I've seen as an outside observer (no kids and no plans for any), whatever ends up happening seems to end up working out OK in the end. It'll be rough, potentially rougher than if your spouse wasn't in medical training, but it can work out. We've had members have kids at ALL different stages, and you can get various people to tell you why their particular timing worked out FOR THEM, but nobody's going to be able to tell you when the best time will be FOR YOU. How difficult the various years of MS are depends very much on your husband's school and his general outlook and attitude toward the work and his family and how the two work together for him.

[madeintaiwan]

If you do a search, there are lots of threads on this topic. The consensus is that there is no "good" time, if you're ready go for it. Depends on your tolerance level and how you and your spouse handle medical school and beyond.

Aside from being 1800 miles away from family, medical school was easy for us. DH was efficient at studying and managing his time. During MS1 and MS2, he ate dinner with us almost every night. And found time to play basketball twice a week or more and taught human anatomy on the side to OT's and massage therapists. The most stress for us was match because all he ever wanted to do was ortho surgery. And all I wanted to do was go back home to CA.

That said. When we started medical school DS1 was 2.5. We had DD during winter break of MS2. And DS2 was born at the end of intern year while DH was on ortho trauma. I am a pretty independent person and have subscribed to living my life and when DH can fit in, he does. We don't plan our lives around him. My kids seems to do very well with this. I am sure they miss their father, but there are no complaints and teary eyes when he misses things like holidays, school events, sporting/dance events, and birthdays. They know that he is working. Everyone has their tolerance levels and expectations. Only you will know what is best for you and your family.

So it sounds like there's probably not a "super wrong" time to have a baby during medical school either. Well that's reassuring! He keeps saying, "Everyone says fourth year!" but the thought of being alone with a newborn while he's several states away is just not appealing in the slightest.

ETA: Thanks, I'll do a search.

[scrub-jay]

We had our dd at the very end of MS1, we thought it was perfect because DH had the summer to spend with her. In truth, the best time is when you and DH are ready for it. There are pros and cons to every stage, just as there would be without medical training (or practice) in the mix.

[diggitydot]

There truly is not universal "perfect time" to have kids in the med life crapfest. As with most things in this lifestyle, do whatever works best for you and your family and ignore the "Oh, noes!" from well-meaning but wholly uninformed peeps.

Also, remember that after MSIV comes intern year of residency. That first year is a HUGE wake-up call for a lot of docs and between the sleep-deprivation (even with the new work hour rules) and the "ZOMG-I-don't-know-WTF-I-was-thinking-going-into-medicine!!", it's a lot of life-changing stuff going on. Adding an infant in the mix could be really tough for some peeps.

[GrayMatterWife]

We'd always planned on 5 kids. However, since medical school has started, I have no idea how that would be possible.

Several families here have 5 or more kids. It's completely possible.

I've heard M4 is the best year to do it, if you're going to do it. My problem with this, though, is that I know my husband is going to do away rotations and I can't imagine having a newborn with him being gone for weeks at a time.

There is no "best" year. It's what you make of it.

I had a baby the first day of DH's fourth year, and he was then away with rotations and interviewing--as I returned from maternity leave. Kind of a pain, but it won't kill you. It's a short-term headache.

Why can't you have a kiddo PGY1?

Why can't you have a kiddo PGY1?

I just figured that intern year is such a crapfest that it's best to avoid.

[Chrisada]

We had our first during Christmas break over MS1 year. It worked out nicely that he arrived on Christmas over DH's break. The second one came during MS3. I really don't remember DH's schedule during that time. I'm in the camp of life does not stop because of med. school or anything else. I love my husband dearly, but we'll see ya when we see ya, in the mean time we'll be busy with basketball practice, the YMCA, etc.

[MrsK]

We had babies during PGY1 and PGY2. There's no good time but it's all good.

[Chrisada]

I just figured that intern year is such a crapfest that it's best to avoid.

You never know how Intern year will be. Personally for us, med. school was the crapfest, while residency has been pretty manageable.

[GrayMatterWife]

I just figured that intern year is such a crapfest that it's best to avoid.

Depends on your speciality, and--honestly--your particular program. For example, in my DH's speciality, without a doubt, PGY2 and PGY-Chief would be the WORST years. PGY1 would have been do-able!

[diggitydot]

Residency has been way easier for us, too. Med school was super crazy.

[SoonerTexan]

"Everyone says fourth year!" but the thought of being alone with a newborn while he's several states away is just not appealing in the slightest.

Our original plan was 4th year...because here you can work things out so you really have nothing going on after the match. So while the first semester of 4th year would suck, the 2nd semester would be a dream.

Then we decided we didn't want to wait, so the baby will be here...any day now? (hurry up kiddo!) It works out nicely because he'll have 2 weeks off for Christmas. Maybe we'll have a 2nd during 4th year

Insurance was another HUGE thing for us...my health insurance through my job right now is AMAZING. I have no idea what it will be like during residency, so taking advantage of it while we can has been a blessing.

[ladymoreta]

We're also in the residency-is-better camp. DH is in a very family-friendly program, and the cost of living here is low enough that I don't need to work. MS4 was really nice for us, but he didn't do any aways. At his medical school, I'd have avoided the second half of MS2 (Step 1 studying) an MS3 (starting rotations), but I know that's perfect timing for other people, including one of our members here. (And now, looking back, that puts them at a toddler during MS4, when they're much more likely to want to play with daddy anyway.)

So, yeah, I agree there's no best time, and there's advantages at every stage. Don't put your lives on hold for training, but look at what you value. For us, it was me being able to SAH, so we waited for residency. But if you're ready now, go for it!