Best year in medical school to have a baby...

[SoonerTexan]

but I know that's perfect timing for other people, including one of our members here.

Haha, cross posted! Yeah, Step 1 studying is going to suck, but we figured it would be better with a 4-6 month old vs. a 1-3 month old. Plus he might get some stay-at-home dad time in the first couple months. 2nd year has been surprisingly manageable for him.

[Vanquisher]

We had our son when we were in college and our daughter 4th year of medical school. I can't imagine having had one in residency because it would have been an immaculate conception! I don't know that any time is a good time to have a baby in medicine. Don't let that stop you if you want to, but be realistic about your expectations. Read a lot here and get to know what it is truly all about. Know that specialties and residencies are widely variable. I say, FWIW, when you feel ready to have a child, evaluate then, and don't worry about planning too far ahead. Also, know what you can handle ON YOUR OWN because you will have to handle everything with a lot greater frequency than you want.

I am a pretty independent person and have subscribed to living my life and when DH can fit in, he does. We don't plan our lives around him. My kids seems to do very well with this. I am sure they miss their father, but there are no complaints and teary eyes when he misses things like holidays, school events, sporting/dance events, and birthdays. They know that he is working. Everyone has their tolerance levels and expectations. Only you will know what is best for you and your family.

I'm in the camp of life does not stop because of med. school or anything else. I love my husband dearly, but we'll see ya when we see ya, in the mean time we'll be busy with basketball practice, the YMCA, etc.

I really can't tell you how refreshing this is to hear from people who are in it. My DH and I were married 7 years prior to medical school and we did everything together. We're kind of introverted people so we just spent a ton of time with each other. In retrospect, I guess I wasn't very independent at all. So it's been really hard for me to go from that to this, which is he's never home- like ever. I feel like I spend a lot of time sitting around waiting for him. Like right now, for instance, I"m thinking, "Ok, so we won't have time to buy a Christmas tree or decorate for Christmas until after exams, and those aren't over until the third week in December, so I guess we'll just wait...." Or I"d really like to go visit my mom, but we can't ever go because DH cant' ever go. Or there's a movie out now that I"d really like to see, but again, DH hasn't taken a night off in at least three weeks due to upcoming exams, so I just sit at home at night knitting. I haven't really made any friends here because I can't ever get out of the house with the three kids and DH doesn't talk much to any of his classmates, so we never have people over either. I feel like maybe I just need to get on with it, but I feel so guilty thinking that maybe that's the best way to do it. I can't just put my life on hold for the next 10 years though, right? I mean, that's crazy. Right??

[peggyfromwastate]

We had 3 prior to med school, 1 at the end of m-1, and 1 at the very start of pgy2.


Med school was much easier for us bc he was able to come home when class was over. This was less true during ms3&4 bc of rotations. My dh had many many away rotations too- over 9 months in med school and 4+ months in residency. You just power through. I definitely thought ms1 and ms2 are the easiest times for having kids... But it's harder for the husband to have time "off" for the birth and post partum time. He can't really make up a lot of exams.

Search out the old threads on this topic. Really great stories and info in those old threads!!

[poky]

I"m thinking, "Ok, so we won't have time to buy a Christmas tree or decorate for Christmas until after exams, and those aren't over until the third week in December, so I guess we'll just wait...." Or I"d really like to go visit my mom, but we can't ever go because DH cant' ever go. Or there's a movie out now that I"d really like to see, but again, DH hasn't taken a night off in at least three weeks due to upcoming exams, so I just sit at home at night knitting. I haven't really made any friends here because I can't ever get out of the house with the three kids and DH doesn't talk much to any of his classmates, so we never have people over either. I feel like maybe I just need to get on with it, but I feel so guilty thinking that maybe that's the best way to do it. I can't just put my life on hold for the next 10 years though, right? I mean, that's crazy. Right??

Yup, that's definitely the way to crazytown. Life DOES NOT STOP for medical training. Learn to do and enjoy things without your husband, and if he can make it, great. There will be times when he can be more involved and less, but you can't put stuff on hold just because he's not around. It's hard, when you're so used to doing everything together and being a team, but it's doable, and it'll make the time much more enjoyable for you and your kids (and your husband, too, since things will be easier on him if you're happier).

[MrsK]

ITA, don't wait for him. You have to be self reliant. That said, I feel a lot more isolated with 2 under 2 than I did with only one. It's just harder to get out and do stuff and I find myself waiting for my husband just so I can use another set of hands. Try joining some moms group, if you belong to a church, get involved. Those have been life savers for me.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

We're in the MS4 camp, our baby is due January of 4th year. I think when people say "fourth year is best" they usually mean because you can arrange the second half to be SUPER easy. DH will virtually be completely off with the exception of a month between January and when residency starts. I'll admit it has been stressful and nerve wracking to be pregnant while he's on away rotations or interviewing but we've made it through and if I can make it another 10 days (all signs point to that being the case), he'll be home from interviews. It helps that DH is applying in an early match specialty (January match date instead of March).

We didn't plan it this way, it just worked out. In fact, if they baby had come when we started trying, it would have been in the middle of his away rotations, etc. We're in the "life doesn't stop for medicine" camp and we would have made it work.

I have no idea what residency will hold because we're not there yet but med school was very manageable for us. He had a few bad rotations but for the most part was completely in control of his schedule and could see/plan for when the bad times were coming. I have no such delusions about residency being that way. He will have NO control over his schedule (or it will be a very pleasant surprise if he does) and we'll have to manage that. While it's "perfect" that he has the 1st 6 months of time with the baby almost completely off, then he has intern year which will probably be total hell. So you can't really plan this stuff....like I said, life doesn't stop for medicine.

One other thing that I think is interesting about these posts about "when is the right time" (it's a question people, including myself, often ask when they join)...these questions assume that you CAN plan it. And I know some people can and are super fertile and it all works out for them but we learned pretty quickly that this was not something that we could plan. You can pick the perfect month and not get pregnant, or get pregnant and have a loss, etc. I just wanted to point that out. I know you have 2 other kids so I assume you know this but I know other people search through these threads so I wanted to make that point...

[Meenah]

Do it when you are ready, because it is very likely that you will pretty much be functioning as a single parent - no matter what year of training / post-training.

[Pollyanna]

We have 5 kiddos (baby #4 in MS1 and #5 during chief year of residency). If you want two more babies then don't try and plan out when will be the best time because life will pass you by before you get to a time that will never come. Going through training with a large family is doable (and can be funeven) but it takes A LOT of talking, planning, and reevaluating. What worked for your family during one rotation won't work during another. Like everyone has said, everyone has different experiences. For us medical school was great because dh was around a ton. He also waited until the kiddos went to bed, then we had couple time and then he studied. Residency was much more of an adjustment but some people have the complete opposite experience. Whatever you decide, do not put your life on hold during training because even when you're "done" you're not really. Live your life, make family plans, rethink what a family meal is (cuz lots of times it's a quick bite at the hospital), not everything will be perfect but it can still be pretty damn great.

[v-girl]

We had the first right as summer research started for MS1. The second right before Christmas during MS2. The third was March of MS4.

The third was easiest. But then residency started and I couldn't keep working while keeping up with two in elementary school and an infant. We wouldn't change a thing though and everything worked out well.

[MarissaNicole]

Just adding my personal two cents, although I agree with everything already said.

While fourth year of medical school is ideal for most people, I know it would have been HORRIBLE for us. DH was applying into a competitive specialty and was gone August-October, and then November through February he was trying to juggle catching up with med school requirements and interviews (his school wouldn't give him credit for all of his away rotations even though they were far more vigorous than any of the rotations he did at school). And the entire year (until March) I was a gigantic ball of nerves wondering IF he would match and where he would match. DH had the LEAST amount of vacation 4th year, and I was just a total mess. (I don't do well with change).

Meanwhile much like GMWife said PGY2 and chief year are the worst for my husbands specialty. BUT, we were blessed enough to be closer to home for residency, so PGY2 is a better year to be pregnant because it keeps me busy while he is busy, and I know I will have plenty of help when the baby is born. I figure the first few months the baby will only eat and sleep so he won't miss out on much!

So again you really need to factor in your current boys, your personalities, which specialty your DH will match into, and what age you will want/need the most help or he will want for bonding.

Everyone finds a time that works out for THEM and you will too!

[GrayMatterWife]

. . . do not put your life on hold during training because even when you're "done" you're not really. Live your life, make family plans, rethink what a family meal is (cuz lots of times it's a quick bite at the hospital), not everything will be perfect but it can still be pretty damn great.

This.

[oceanchild]

Just adding my personal two cents, although I agree with everything already said.

While fourth year of medical school is ideal for most people, I know it would have been HORRIBLE for us. DH was applying into a competitive specialty and was gone August-October, and then November through February he was trying to juggle catching up with med school requirements and interviews (his school wouldn't give him credit for all of his away rotations even though they were far more vigorous than any of the rotations he did at school). And the entire year (until March) I was a gigantic ball of nerves wondering IF he would match and where he would match. DH had the LEAST amount of vacation 4th year, and I was just a total mess. (I don't do well with change).

Yeah, see, and I was going to say that for my DH, away rotations weren't even necessary (though he did one), and interviews only took a few weeks. 4th year would have been great. Though at this point we're looking at second year of fellowship (hopefully), so I really don't have any room to talk.

[TigerLily]

We had our first baby in May of MS3. I don't know if it was ideal, but it was nice that between Graduation and Intern year he was able to be home. He had May-July off and it was AWESOME! I guess for us, it might have been ideal to have the baby during the time he was off, but if you're planning on a potential move it might be good to have an older baby instead of a new born.

[Thirteen]

DS was born in our final year of residency. However, we married in intern year, and our residency wasn't all that long.
We timed his arrival right around the end, to maximize benefits and minimize adjustments to a new person in our family during residency. Essentially, he was totally free (not even a co-pay): pre-natal, L&D, and post-natal.
Our medicine "freebee."