Communication

Hi everyone, this past week I've been feeling really frustrated with the SO. I was wondering if anyone else has or is going through this? He's been spotty with calling or returning texts. A part of me feels angry because can he not take 10 seconds to send a text? I realize he's working long hours and it's not an easy job by any means, but am I alone here? There are times when he's fantastic and then there are times when that ease goes away and I feel a little duped.

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

During work hours, I never expect a response text...if DH has time he will, but it's rare...calls during work hours are nonexistent for the most part. That's something you have to accept. After work though, it's definitely reasonable to expect communication...it's not acceptable if you're not hearing from him when he is off...

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I know that in the hospital my DH often doesn't even receive texts/cell service. I would expect responses if it's not during work hours. That being said, we have the following conversation weekly:

Me: Did you get my email about x, y, or z?
DH: Yes
Me: Any thoughts?
DH: Whatever you suggested is fine
Me: *sigh*

To be honest, I chalk it up to him being a guy and having less than stellar communication skills (broad generalization, certainly not an indictment of all men). I think he'd be the same way in any busy career, it has nothing to do with medicine. He often puts off responding so he can thoughtfully respond only to completely forget later.

[lovelight]

Rarely do I get response texts while DH is working. In fact, the only reason I even text him at work is so I don't forget to tell him whatever later. I usually pull my texts up when he gets home to get in person responses. Calls during work hours? Ha! Maybe once a month when he is driving from clinic to the hospital or vice versa. However, if he isn't at work and I text/call I always get immediate response. And he calls me as soon as he leaves the hospital each evening so I know he's on the way home.

[MissCrabette]

No, I don't think you're alone. I sometimes text if I don't want to interrupt, and I will get a call back if it's important. Otherwise it goes unanswered most of the time. You have to remember that this is not a desk job where people can easily take 10 seconds to send a text. Sometimes they can, but other times they're running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

[ladymoreta]

We use texts for that reason - he often can't reply right away (or at all) while he's working. At least with a text, it's there when he gets a chance to look. I'd give him a pass if it's during work hours or after his earliest possible bedtime.

[corn poffi]

We never talk on the phone. Ever. If he's on night shift, we only talk through text. We go weeks without actually hearing each other's voice. Doesn't bug me a bit. I think it's kind of funny, actually.

Anyway, there are 80 gazillion dead zones in the hospital, and he's always got his hands in something disgusting, so I don't mind not getting responded to when he's at work. Also, he's on the phone all damn day, so I don't get offended if he doesn't bother to respond to a text.

As mentioned before, it's not a desk job. 10 free seconds can be more valuable for him than for me. I sit at a desk all day. He's running around nonstop.

[JDAZ11]

Honestly when he was a jr resident - I wouldn't have been phased by the lack of a response to any form of communication. He always responded when something was critical or if I made it clear that I was very upset about something... but otherwise it was pretty unpredictable.

We never ever (well maybe like 15 times total in the past 6.5 years and only when something sort of huge was happening) talk on the phone during the day. In fact, we really don't talk on the phone all that much at all (I'm not a huge phone person, so this could be partially my fault...). I know that my DF usually turns his phone off during procedures/surgeries, so if I need to contact him during the day it is generally via text (so he gets it when he is done). He usually texts me once he gets to work in the morning and always before he leaves (or if he thinks something is going to come in later day and seriously delay his departure). The last few years he has actually texted me occasionally during the day... but during junior residency that was VERY rare. His procedures are much shorter now... no more 14 hour spine cases! So that has really made a big difference.

[KCwife]

I never get replies to texts. He knows that I never call, and if I do, he has to answer because it is an emergency... like going to the ER kind of emergency. I gave up on a normal line of communication years ago

Thanks ladies...I don't expect communication while he's at work. I don't want anything bad happening while he's distracted by me! But sometimes he'll let days go by without a word and I know he's tired and sleepy but come on, just something? Also we don't see each other for long stretches of time so texts or short calls are all we have in between sometimes. Maybe I'm overreacting.

[diggitydot]

Completely common. DH and I sometimes go days without taking or texting and we live in the same damn house.

[HeyMeganZ]

I agree - I text mostly so I don't forget. He does NOT want me calling unless it's a, I'm seriously ill or someone died emergency. If he can, he may send a text (or call, wow) back saying how is my day....but I expect little to no communication and anything I get is a pleasant bonus.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Days would bother me (do you live together?). I mean you do pass in the hallway at least. Although I might have unrealistic expectations because my DH isn't a resident yet. But right now, it would bother me.

[Pollyanna]

We text and that works best for us. If I really need to talk to him but it's not necessarily an emergency I will page with a 555. He then knows to try to call. If it's an emergency obviously we use 911 (thankfully have not had to use that one).

[diggitydot]

DH has become much better over the years. His first couple of weeks on overnights were rough, but he's much better about calling to check in when he can. Usually, it's in the car while he's driving to the gym, moonlighting, the high school training room, etc. He loves his voice-activated Bluetooth calling.

Also, now that our iPhones have the iMessaging, he's pretty good about texting me from work. He has zero cell service inside, but can use their wifi for the iMessaging. It's handy when he's overseas, too. Free texts and video chatting over wifi entirely rocks.

I rarely page him unless it's either an emergency or I'm dropping something off to him at the hospital and don't know which call room to search first.