I hope you guys can help..

[ladymoreta]

Welcome! Yes, the end of residency sucks, but for us the first few months post-training weren't that amazing either. It's a huge stress to move, figure out the new budget, adjust to a new schedule, meet new friends, etc. I just don't want you to have expectations of immediate improvement. It is starting to get better for us about 6 months out.

I am so sorry training has brought you guys to this dark place. I hate how medicine can take loving, happy couples and bring them to the brink of (or push them into) divorce. I really hope you guys make it, and I agree with SoonerTexan that it is a good sign that he's admitting fault and is willing to see a counselor. Power through - we're here for you!

[peggyfromwastate]

Man the last year of residency sucked. It was so bad. Dh was responsible for everything--- and got blamed for problems with patients that were seen 4 months before he was there! He also had a massive commute for 4 months of chief year-- driving from 1-2.5 hours each way in metro DC traffic. He was exhausted. I was exhausted. We didn't talk really. No energy for dates even though we have a teen who can be our sitter. Tbh we are still trying to get a groove back. He's in fellowship now and we've moved cross country, and it's just tough.

I think it takes years to repair the damage from the years of residency. It helps me a lot when I come here and hear that "it does get better".

Hang out here and vent away.

(And can I say **tiptoeing** that if you both have some energy for sex at all things aren't quite as bleak as they could be!!).

[Michele]

My marriage didn't survive residency and fellowship...but the amazing people on this site helped me through every step of the way. And I can say that the vast majority of marriages survive on this site having been a member for over 10 years now.

[HouseofWool]

Power through as best you can and when you can't, put the kids to bed, pour a glass (or pitcher) of wine and stop by here. You'll never drink alone!

Preach!

I will say that some of by best friends have come from this website!

[v-girl]

Welcome! We're also md/phd. Started in 1998 (just weeks before our first baby was born), graduated in 2007 (with our third kid 3 months old), finished training in June. And we're still in our starter home but I drive a car made after 2000 (it's actually a 2011!), and I don't have to work at the ballet studio quite so much to pay for lessons for our girls because we can actually afford to pay more of our tuition than we did in the past.

I still use a water goblet for my wine half the time out of habit.

[MDPhDWife]

Welcome! We're Mudphud's too. Started training in 2000 and still have 2 1/2 more years to go.

I'm glad you found us, this place has always been a huge source of support for me.

(((Hugs)))

[birdhouse]

Thanks Peggy. Now that fellowship will not be an option, it looks like we may end up moving to the West coast when all family is south. I was so looking forward to the help, but we will manage. He is also Chief, so that adds to the drama. The commute certainly is the worst part. He can be done early, but will stay at the hospital until the traffic dies down. I want to connect with him so badly that I have begun playing his dumb video games with him that I am so deeply against. He uses them to escape from reality. He play shoes shooting games and imagines they are other people. I think it is all a little crazy, but everybody has their vice, right...

[diggitydot]

The west coast doesn't exactly suck.

[birdhouse]

Sorry to hear that, Michele. Hopefully finding the group will improve my outlook enough to give us a chance.

[birdhouse]

Veronica,
I am fine living frugally. We started in 1998 as well, but we were not we then. We didn't become more than friends until 2003, so when I moved to the freezing cold Chicago from sunny Florida, I was not quite so friendly and supportive. I am sure this contributed to him taking so long. I hope he actually uses the PhD at some point or those extra years were just a waste, but at least they prevented us from having terrible loans.
Congrats on the newer car We did get rid of our starter home to live on campus and have actually managed to save a substantial amount of my income, so hopefully the first job will be a breathe of fresh air, if we can just learn to communicate again...

[weeniegeniewife]

The west coast doesn't exactly suck.

Word!

[birdhouse]

I am sure the West Coast is fine. It is just more years without the Grandparents around to relieve me. If nothing else, the experience is helping me to learn to be spontaneous and not so controlling...

[diggitydot]

The Midwest was high on our list BECAUSE grandparents are all on the west coast.

Yes, the entire medical shitfest serves to show you how flexibility and independence go a LONG way.