Siblings

[weeniegeniewife]

This is so interesting. I, too, am the oldest of 2

Same here! I am 18 months older than my brother. DH is the 4th of 5 boys.

[SuzySunshine]

My DH is JUST like his father and my BIL is JUST like my MIL. Which could be part of the conflict that I see because its very obvious to me that MIL prefers BIL and therefore prefers his fiance over me. BIL skipped a grade when they moved when he was a 5th grader I think and he had a really hard time making friends after that - he had lots of female friends but very few male friends where as DH has had the same friends since he was 8ish. Because of that I think MIL always has babied BIL. Its just an interesting dynamic I guess.

In my house my oldest sibling was the rebel, she sometimes ran with the wrong crowd, wasn't big into sports or extra curriculars and married young, to the wrong guy - on some level we think it was because she could. My younger sister and I were VERY involved in our school, more activities and sports then you could count but my little sister is by far the closest to my parents. However when we were discussing estates and who was going to be in charge they all chose me so I guess they see me as the responsible one - hah!

[Phoebe]

I'm the oldest of two. My brother is 4 years younger and definitely different than me. Birth order was definitely a factor, but personalities also take account in our differences. My mother was our primary parent and is close to both of us in different ways. My brother and I get along, I wouldn't call us close. We fought a lot growing up.

DH is the middle of three boys. He is seen as the golden child by my SILs. But he makes more effort to keep in touch and see his parents than his two brothers. Also, my MIL said DH was sick a lot as a kid so she worried about him more. All three boys have successful careers and are married with kids. DH gave his parents the most trouble growing up. The boys are all two years apart. DH was best friends with his younger brother growing up. But he married a psycho bitch so they aren't that close anymore.

My girls are all close in their own way. When it was three, the younger two were best friends. If one of the girls is gone, the other two get along well. Everyone adores DD4. I am closest to DD1 and DD3. DD2 is closest to my husband. I think it comes down to personalities.

[SoonerTexan]

I'm the oldest of 5. My husband is the oldest of 6. We honestly wonder sometimes how our poor future 2nd child is going to survive in this family of firsts!

It definitely affected and molded me. I was second mom for sure, even the first four of us were all 18 months apart. My siblings definitely defer to me, and for the most part we are all really close (even military brother in his angry stage). I was unfailingly responsible, #2 (sister) was the wild child emotional one, #3 (brother) was the quiet peacemaker who hates conflict, #4 (brother) is harder to characterize. He was a clown when he was younger, but he's always been into being a "tough guy." My youngest sister is 4 years younger than the 2nd youngest...totally the baby. She was SOOO spoiled. I used to let her sleep with me in my bed when she was little and I'm more like a parent than a sister to her. She grew up really fast! I think she has matured a lot with the birth of N.

My sister and I (#1 & #2) fought like cats and dogs when we were younger. I was a hitter In high school, she stole the cami I was going to wear one day and there was almost a smackdown in the school cafeteria when I saw her wearing it. I really just needed space from her, even in college, when she followed me to OU. (Sometimes I wonder if we would be a family of Aggies or Longhorns if I had gone elsewhere) Now we are really close. We do much better with lots of space and our own lives, but we genuinely enjoy being around each other now. N adores her.

I liked growing up in a large family and so did DH. I think that is why we both want a large family. It was always lively and happy in our homes as children and it's so much fun to all get together as teens and adults. Even though it required a lot of responsibility, extra work, and fewer resources to share, we would have all been thrilled had my parents decided to have the mythical 6th baby.

Random crazy fact about my family and OU. When my sister started college, she was assigned to the room next door to my old dorm room. When my brother started 2 years later, that hall had been converted to a boys hall and he was assigned to the exact same dorm room I had my freshman year. 2 years later, my other brother was assigned to the dorm room next to the one that had been DH's. (We were in the same building). They were all random assignments!

[Auspicious]

Middle of three, with a brother 5 years older and a brother 4.5 years younger. I feel like that setup gets me both a lot of middle child benefits and a lot of only child benefits.

I think the second child is supposed to "go the opposite way" of whatever the firstborn does, and my older brother did the whole firstborn "fall in line" thing in that he carries on certain family traditions, lives close to our parents, provided grandchildren early etc. But he was also the underachiever among us. Probably helped set me up to be both the overachiever (back in the day) and the rolling stone of the family.

My younger brother gets to be the balanced one. (And also, as the youngest child, the charming one.)

In the end, I agree birth order is far outweighed by individual personality traits.

[rainbabies]

I have two brothers. One is 5 years older, one is 10 years younger. My two brothers have never met. I wasn't raised with either of them for an extended amount of time. My older brother and I have the same mom. Younger brother and I share same dad. Both boys have been in a lot of trouble. Older brother, especially. He's all good now...but it took him a looooong time to figure it out. Younger brother is a hippy...lol. Been in some trouble. He just skates by. Both boys...really really smart. They could rule the world if they wanted to.
I'm the peacekeeper. Both parents come to me (and dh) for things. I'm the mature one. Wasn't in trouble. Skated through school by the skin of my teeth....I have common sense. Lol. Not the book smarts the boys have!
I'm still not close with either boy, but if I have to pick one I'm closer with its my older brother.

[Thirteen]

Oldest of 3, here. We are at 4 year increments: brother was diagnosed at 3 with autism, sister has some bi-polar disorder tendencies.
I remember being held accountable to higher standards, modeling good behavior, and having to share everything. I did well in school, but I love learning. Typical overcommitted child with too many extracurriculars - multiple sports, art camps, choir, instruments, etc.
I like to solve problems, fix things, and get it done. #oldestchild

DH is the oldest of 3, too. BIL is 2 yrs younger (doctor), SIL is 4 yrs younger (lawyer). There are really only a handful of acceptable careers in his family, so black sheep SIL chose law instead of med school. What a rebel.
In DH's family, he is definitely favored. He was told he was always right to his siblings, and I'm sure there were some abuses of power due to that.
(Thanks, MIL).


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[MrsK]

BTW, DrK is an only child. Intelligent and very devoted to his parents. When I first met his family, I was surprised at how adult their interactions were. He once told me that when you are an only child, your playmates. I think it is a lot easier for him to view his parents as his contemporaries than it is for me when I had a built-in peer group as a child.

[oceanchild]

I'm oldest of 3, and DH is oldest of 2. We are both overachievers and the stereotypical bossy eldest. We also both to some degree followed in our parents' footsteps, which our siblings have not really done.

My brother is 2 years younger than me, and my sister is 5.5 years younger. Growing up, we all fought constantly. We are now the best of friends. They are seriously two of my favorite people on earth. My sister lives near me now, so we're probably closer, but my brother and I can talk on the phone for hours.

DH's brother is 2 years younger, and they also grew up fighting a lot. I wouldn't say they're really close now, but they do get along and seem to enjoy each others' company.

so black sheep SIL chose law instead of med school. What a rebel.

This is my BIL, too.

[alison]

The reason I posed this question is because I somehow had it in my head that I wanted a closer gap between dd and a sibling. The closest we'd be able to manage is around 4 years. I guess this is coming from having an 8-year gap with my brother, and us having very little common ground. We fought a lot as kids (it's not easy to fork over all that attention to a new baby!), but get along pretty well now, aside from the fact that I do have a tendency to nag.

At this point I feel like any sibling for dd would be nice, and my dh has talked me down from the inexplicable disappointment I feel for not being able to give dd a buddy. She's sweet, helpful, and mellow mellow mellow.

[MrsK]

FWIW, my youngest brother is exactly 4 years younger than I am. (His birthday is the day before mine.). Growing up, I was closer to him than to the brother who was only 20 months younger than I. As adults, the age difference is neglible. Heck, DrK is 3 yrs younger than I am.

[SoonerTexan]

Alison, I'm still close to the siblings that have a 4, 6, and 10 year gap between us. For the 10 year gap, it is a different relationship, but she will love her future younger brother or sister regardless. Actually, it might be an awesome experience for her because she will definitely understand the whole situation and give her the chance to be "responsible older sibling"

[alison]

You're right!
I actually don't like the baby phase much. My least favorite phase is when they're around 15-18 mos and they destroy everything. And take hard falls, because they do stupid shit. There, I said it. We're done with diapers, bottles, strollers, baby stuff. And it's so liberating. Not to mention sleeping.... I just want it to be over. I love cuddling babies, but I love cuddling a toddler more. So hurryupalready!

[scrub-jay]

The reason I posed this question is because I somehow had it in my head that I wanted a closer gap between dd and a sibling. The closest we'd be able to manage is around 4 years. I guess this is coming from having an 8-year gap with my brother, and us having very little common ground. We fought a lot as kids (it's not easy to fork over all that attention to a new baby!), but get along pretty well now, aside from the fact that I do have a tendency to nag.

At this point I feel like any sibling for dd would be nice, and my dh has talked me down from the inexplicable disappointment I feel for not being able to give dd a buddy. She's sweet, helpful, and mellow mellow mellow.

My brother and I are roughly 5 years apart, have the same sense of humor and are pretty close. We tend to "get" each other, most of the time. Our spread works very well. Pros and cons to every age gap.

[alison]

I didn't mean to turn this into a baby-wanting thread. . It is interesting to me that favoritism runs rampant. I guess if my parents had to decide which of us to push off a bridge, it'd be me and not my brother.