Working Spouses w/ no kids

[WolfpackWife]

I'm curious to know if I'm falling behind in my "wifely" duties (just kidding)...

DH is MS1, so I am the only one who works (yay filling out tax forms and having to check the area for "non working spouse!"). So, we're both busy during the day...I get up early to work out, he has class at 8 and I get home from work around 5:30-6:00ish. Naturally, he continues to study late into the night. But since I've stopped working from home I find it sooo hard to get motivated to get home from a busy day at work and then make a nice from-scratch meal.

Did you find it easy to be the working on and still cooking weeknight meals for your med school husband? Or am I just really lazy?

[SoonerTexan]

Honestly, the first two years of med school were probably less intense than my job. I didn't feel too bad for him then! I did and still do most of the cooking (We had no kids until 2nd year), but quality has gone down for sure! Now 3rd year he had me beat for sure...but then again that meant I was solo mom/finance person/housekeeper/shopper/cook...in my mind it evened out or tipped in his favor!

[WolfpackWife]

Honestly, the first two years of med school were probably less intense than my job. I didn't feel too bad for him then! I did and still do most of the cooking (We had no kids until 2nd year), but quality has gone down for sure! Now 3rd year he had me beat for sure...but then again that meant I was solo mom/finance person/housekeeper/shopper/cook...in my mind it evened out or tipped in his favor!

When I was working from home he would come home to elaborate meals...roasted chickens or coq au vin or hand-rolled bracole or flank steak skewers or made-from-scratch soups. And the thing is--I LOVE cooking. But he'll text me during the day: "what should we have for dinner" and I'm all...."um, anything you're cooking". I figure, even if he doesn't go to lecture, he's still HOME...even if he is glued to both of his computer monitors. He has been helpful though by doing most of the grocery shopping since I started working out of the house. I miss having the time to do elaborate cooking during the week (plus, the traditional girl in me likes to have a delicious, homemade meal ready for my husband). But I waver between feeling bad that I"m not also providing dinner always, and feeling like, um, I'm the one working all day in an office, you don't even have to change out of your PJs and you get to hang out with our dog in your office. What are you cooking me?

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

I go with quick and easy when I'm working...some of the cookinglight recipes are really quick but taste like you spent much longer!

ETA if he's home, dinner is totally his game!

[OrionGrad]

DH did 99% of the cooking in med school, then everything flipped when we got to residency and I was the one with more at-home time. Now that we have a 7 month old, I do the grocery shopping and meal planning, and he usually does the actual cooking while I'm nursing the babe and putting him to bed each night. (If he's home by bedtime, which is only about 60% of the time.)

[moonlight]

This really odd thing happened when DH was a MS1 and 2. He started cooking for the first time in our relationship. I think we had been together for 6 years at that point. He said it was a big stress reliever for him. A simple task that had a creative component with a start and end really appealed to him. That has sort of continued up until now.

[SuzySunshine]

My DH cooked until he entered clinicals then it was whichever one of us got home first because my hours were sometimes just as bad, or worse, then his. In residency I cooked 99% of the time because I worked a very standard 8-5 and he, of course, didn't. He likes to cook though so when he's off for a weekend - then or now - he likes to cook at least one big meal.

[Bittersweet]

I cooked (still do) almost everynight. It has nothing to do with DH, to be honest. He'd happily survive on PB&Js. I just really like doing it and it's better for our budget and health. To save time, I got into the habit of meal planning and grocery shoping for the week ahead on Sunday. That way I can come home from work and just mindlessly whip up whatever I've planned. The first two years of medical school were pretty slack, so cleaning up/doing dishes was always his end of the bargain. That felt "fair" to me.

[SuzySunshine]

The other thing I did was we had one of those prep meal places. I've seen ones called Dish It Up, Social Suppers, etc. and I'd order meals split (usually they were made for 6 but they'd split them to 3) and throw them in the freezer. That way on the nights neither one of us really wanted to cook we could still get healthy, homemade meals, they just weren't made by us! And Rachel Ray's cookbooks were my bibles in med schoo/residency/pre-children because they were mostly healthy and FAST!

[alotofyarn]

I'm the only one working, and I still do most of the cooking. We generally do pretty quick meals, in 30 minutes or less. We also eat out way more than we should. Now that my husband is in 4th year and really working less (i.e., not studying when he's home), I've been having him do some of the cooking, but certainly not all. When he was in his 2nd year (we were long distance in his 1st year), he did all of the laundry, since it was something easy to fit in between study breaks, and he still does most of that, but I do a lot of the remaining chores. Some of it he'll do if I ask, and I usually do ask every once in a while, but sometimes I just find it easier to do it myself.

[GrayMatterWife]

My DH does not cook. I cook, but I usually eat a larger lunch and no dinner. We meet at least once a week for have lunch together. Because DH is not usually home when the kids eat, I fix cheap, straightforward food for dinner. he is welcome to have my lunch leftovers or the kids' leftovers.

Why is it my wifely duty to feed him? He's a big boy and has tons of food available to him at work. I am not fixing a new dinner at 9:00 PM at night.

[WolfpackWife]

I do enjoy the cooking, but I tend to usually be tempted by longer, more involved recipes. Since I don't have a huge arsenal of quick meals, I get demotivated because I feel like I can "never think of anything".

I should ask him to cook more often, he doesn't mind actually doing it. I usually try to dissuade him simply because I like the way I do things better, and he leaves a huge mess and knowing he's cooking or even in our kitchen at all really stresses me out

In the same vein: med school has cultivated in him the habit I hate most: the man will leave rinsed (at least they are rinsed!) dishes, coffee mugs, bowls, cups, silverware, etc. IN AND NEXT to the nearly-empty dishwasher. He never did that before. I makes me want to physically harm him.

[alotofyarn]

The dishes is probably our biggest cleaning issue. I hated coming home to clean dinner and having to wash dishes first. I gave him a choice of emptying or loading the dishwasher, saying that I wouldn't do both, and he chose emptying. You can guess how often that gets done. He's doing better, but it's always a battle. I also get angry when he leaves unrinsed dishes in the sink, which happens frequently. Positive reinforcement generally helps though, I've found.

[WolfpackWife]

Positive reinforcement generally helps though, I've found.

I guess I probably set myself back a little by coming home the other day to evidence of him having "taken the afternoon off". Evidence included: entire set of golf clubs sitting (and blocking!) the sliding glass door, the coffee table moved to the corner of the room, Wii remote on the floor, crying pan dirty and sitting on the stove, open frozen pizza box sitting on the counter, cutting board and pizza cutter--complete with sauce and crumbs all over it--on the other counter, dishes in the sink, empty water glasses on the coffee table, and two beer cans sitting around. I could have kicked him. I went into the office and said "babe? do you mind coming with me? let me show you just a few ways you can just effortlessly make it look like a college frat boy hasn't taken over our house...see this pizza box? Just throw it out! SIMPLE!"

[MsSassyBaskets]

I work FT at home and I do most of the cooking... but he's been doing more, or at least helping more, since I've been working longer hours lately. However, working at home for me does not mean that I have time to do cooking or housework - I am in my office from 8:15 am until at least 5 pm, with a break for lunch and other short breaks throughout the day to get out from in front of my computer, etc. I do the same amount of cleaning up that I would if I was working in an office - put my lunch dishes away, keep my office clean. I don't subscribe to the idea that just because I'm home I do all the home stuff too. Mostly during the week we do "quick" dinners - but that can still mean over an hour because I can't eat most pre-packaged foods and have to do most things from scratch. I've been frazzled lately so we've been eating more thai takeout and supermarket sushi than usual. One of these weekends I'll get my shit back together and do a big grocery trip and prep some freezer meals and easy staples... But long story short, no, DH does not come home to a delicious home-cooked meal every night.