Anyone else hate weddings?

[WolfpackWife]

That being said, I never want to plan another one

Totally agree with this, too. I'm wishy-washy on weddings - it completely depends on who's getting married (and whether or not I have to be in it!)

[spaz]

But I guess would you rather give your child a fun day that will be gone except for the memories or 15,000 that they could use as a down payment on a house that would last much longer and give them a stable future. One day just isn't worth it to me. And I had a blast at my low stress , low budget wedding. It wasn't like I didn't have fun. We had flowers and such... I don't know financial stability is much, much more important.


Or what about pay off school loans instead??? So many of you talk about huge debt.

[JDAZ11]

I had a SUPER expensive wedding. My parents paid for all of it, but I did complain about the amount they were spending. My mom had always told me that I could choose a wedding or I could have the cash. So when I got engaged I told my mom that I wanted the cash. She was having none of it. there was a budget and I tried to be cheap about things (so that I could keep a bunch of the cash), but it didn't happen with the freaking 250 person guest list (I invited like 12 of those people). Totally absurd. It's fine, my parents had the money and they never complained about how much we spent, but at that point in my life, it just made me sick to think about. It was beautiful, and very fun.. So whatever.

I do actually love other people's weddings. It does cost a fortune to be a wedding guest these days, but I always have a great time catching up with people. I'm not sure I'd shell out all that cash if I wasn't going to know other guests.... And there was a two year period where we went to about 40 weddings - it did kind of start to get old. We only have like 4 or 5 a year now, so it's not as big of a financial burden.

[ladymoreta]

But I guess would you rather give your child a fun day that will be gone except for the memories or 15,000 that they could use as a down payment on a house that would last much longer and give them a stable future. One day just isn't worth it to me. And I had a blast at my low stress , low budget wedding. It wasn't like I didn't have fun. We had flowers and such... I don't know financial stability is much, much more important.


Or what about pay off school loans instead??? So many of you talk about huge debt.

Now here's where I go a little crazy... I can't imagine accepting that much money from my parents or in-laws. If you gave your son $15,000 to use as he wanted - for his wedding, down payment in a house, or school debt - I don't see it playing out well. Money always, always has strings attached, and a fun celebration is just fun.

What if he and his wife decided to have a simple wedding but splurge on a luxury hotel for their wedding night? How would you feel about him spending $800 of your money on one room for one night? I know you think that wouldn't be a choice he'd make, but you don't know, and you may not be able to hold your tongue about their decision.

What if they use that $15k for a down payment? If they get a house for $75,000, would you be concerned that they'd have too many repairs? If they got a house for $120,000, would you be upset that they're paying PMI?

School loans? Can't really lose here unless you'd rather they use the money for putting a down payment on a house rather than "wasting money on rent". Or what if they're considering grad school? Maybe you'd rather they put away the money for now just in case? Then, how should they invest it for that period?

Anyway, I just don't like to give our parents any inroads into our financial life. Maybe you could give your kids the money and not feel any ownership, but that's not been the case for us.

[MrsC]

You can do lavish on a decent budget if you cut down the guest list. Ours was sort of destination. Catholic ceremony, in a castle with 60 guests and went on until 5am. We had a blast! I tried to save on a lot of things because of the venue and we did it for a pretty good price.

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[diggitydot]

I just don't like to give our parents any inroads into our financial life. Maybe you could give your kids the money and not feel any ownership, but that's not been the case for us.

I agree entirely.

[WolfpackWife]

I agree entirely.

I can see how that makes sense. I think things get sticky if parents go into wedding planning with expectations or "strings attached" to how money is spent or where. Like I said, the amount for our food and bar was painful to look at - but other areas were negligible and it all fell under the umbrella of the larger budget. To write wedding costs/future sons/daughters in law off because of where they might want to get married or how they'd want to get married can make things messy, IMO.

[SuzySunshine]

I come from a large family, I am one of 36 cousins and the 4th (I think) to get married, we had a big 200+ person wedding which was all about family. Which was fine but if I had it to do over again I would have kept more control and kept the costs down, we could have done it cheaper but every reception venue DH and I wanted was not up to MIL's standards. We planned long distance and had to let her do a lot of things because we were married in KS but lived in CA. I want my kids to have the wedding they want, if that's a big party great, if its a small destination wedding great. I have a cousin that recently got married in Mexico, they invited family by email basically saying we're going, here is where and when, here's the travel agent if you want to go. My parents went and I'm so glad they did, they had a great time and it was a great vacation for them too.

I do agree the gift giving has gotten out of hand.

I think people should do what they want, and people should let people do what they want - when I was growing up money was taboo, people didn't talk about it publicly but now, like most things IMO, it's about one upping everyone else. It's really sad.


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[SoonerTexan]

But I guess would you rather give your child a fun day that will be gone except for the memories or 15,000 that they could use as a down payment on a house that would last much longer and give them a stable future. One day just isn't worth it to me. And I had a blast at my low stress , low budget wedding. It wasn't like I didn't have fun. We had flowers and such... I don't know financial stability is much, much more important.

What Lady M said

And honestly, if they want a much simpler wedding and money towards a house, etc. I'm okay with that.

I disagree that one day isn't worth it. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with simple weddings and elopements, but your wedding day is likely the biggest (and hopefully happiest) day of your life filled with a ton of memories. We had family and friends from all over come in. Weddings were always big, happy, mini family reunions growing up--lots of good memories.

That being said, I'm big into celebrating. I believe in putting forth extra effort and $$ to mark special days, like birthdays and baptisms. Heck, DH and I even went out to a REALLY nice dinner to celebrate him matching. I know we will remember that.

[spaz]

Well his grandmother gave us 10,000 for a downpayment on a house. She had it in a CD and didn't give it to us until we are in the house we are in now. ( We chose not to ask her for the starter house.) So I guess that is how I would approach it. I guess I don't see what the difference is between giving them 10,000 to blow on a wedding and keeping it in a cd or paying off their loan for them. ( Or part of it.) But as I said I had a really cheap wedding. My parents had just divorced and my dad didn't have a job. I paid for parts of it and my mom paid for my dress and my dad the flowers. I guess I don't see the difference in the two. You earmark the money and pay it to what you decide: wedding , loan, house. As I mentioned, we waited 8 years before we took the 10,000. She had no strings. She had a cd like that for each grandchild. My grandfather did as well, ( they were both schoolteachers as well...very frugal) However, my money ended up being spent on my college education. When my dad lost his job, he thought it was better for me to get my degree than wait for a house someday. Once again, no strings.

Now here's where I go a little crazy... I can't imagine accepting that much money from my parents or in-laws. If you gave your son $15,000 to use as he wanted - for his wedding, down payment in a house, or school debt - I don't see it playing out well. Money always, always has strings attached, and a fun celebration is just fun.

What if he and his wife decided to have a simple wedding but splurge on a luxury hotel for their wedding night? How would you feel about him spending $800 of your money on one room for one night? I know you think that wouldn't be a choice he'd make, but you don't know, and you may not be able to hold your tongue about their decision.

What if they use that $15k for a down payment? If they get a house for $75,000, would you be concerned that they'd have too many repairs? If they got a house for $120,000, would you be upset that they're paying PMI?

School loans? Can't really lose here unless you'd rather they use the money for putting a down payment on a house rather than "wasting money on rent". Or what if they're considering grad school? Maybe you'd rather they put away the money for now just in case? Then, how should they invest it for that period?

Anyway, I just don't like to give our parents any inroads into our financial life. Maybe you could give your kids the money and not feel any ownership, but that's not been the case for us.

[spaz]

You know that is a good point. How intrusive they are in your life is much more than just money. Paying for the wedding has meant control for some parents that I know. I don't know. I just never felt controlled. They had money earmarked for a purpose. I'm sure we will as well for our children. A wedding will not be one of them. College education, house yes.

[MrsC]

I can see how that makes sense. I think things get sticky if parents go into wedding planning with expectations or "strings attached" to how money is spent or where. Like I said, the amount for our food and bar was painful to look at - but other areas were negligible and it all fell under the umbrella of the larger budget. To write wedding costs/future sons/daughters in law off because of where they might want to get married or how they'd want to get married can make things messy, IMO.

I think so too. My Dad paid for half of ours, despite our objections. His only request was that we invite all of his siblings, most of whom we didn't know well but would have invited anyway.

DH had little to do with what money went where outside of the venue, food and suits, he had no interest.



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[alison]

We paid $20 cash to get married at the courthouse in Chicago, had a nice dinner at Coco Pazzo alone, and stayed the night at the Park Hyatt. Then it was back to life as usual. I don't regret this choice for a second. I am from the camp who thinks weddings are a huge waste of money. I guess there's no surprise there.

[spaz]

We paid $20 cash to get married at the courthouse in Chicago, had a nice dinner at Coco Pazzo alone, and stayed the night at the Park Hyatt. Then it was back to life as usual. I don't regret this choice for a second. I am from the camp who thinks weddings are a huge waste of money. I guess there's no surprise there.

I knew we thought alike!!

I edited you because I still like the rest of you even if you are crazy and I hope you like me even if you think I'm a tightwad!

[WolfpackWife]

Ahh, nevermind.