Need advice/awkward friend situation

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Ok, so I just got back from my college reunion (a blast) but I didn't see one of my senior year roommates, Kate. I thought this odd because she and her husband are both alums and they live less than 2 hours away (everyone goes to reunions, it's a big deal). She and I aren't very close anymore (she's horrible at staying in touch, she admits that) but I was really looking forward to seeing her. I was literally planning on coming home and emailing her like "hey, so sorry I missed you, let's catch up soon" EXCEPT our other roommate, Liz, just told me via text on her way home that she heard a rumor at reunion that Kate and the husband are divorcing because he got another girl pregnant. For the record, I am shocked. He was seriously one of the last people I would expect to cheat (if it's true).


Now I don't know what to do. I was genuinely wanting to call or email her before I knew but now I feel like it's just prying and totally fake to email her and pretend I don't know. And I can't honestly say I'm in a great position to offer support - we only talk once/year (I'm sure she has many closer friends and she's a very private person). And, I'm sure she's be horrified to know this was a topic of conversation at our reunion (school only had 1,100 in each class so people know a sizable portion of the class). So do I just not contact her? Contact her and say nothing?

I feel like if I do contact her, I'm not exactly sure what to say because I would obviously normally ask about her husband, etc.

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

I would contact her and act like you don't know anything. For now, it's rumor and you don't know if it's true. If it's true and she wants to tell you, she will...if not, it's always nice to hear that you're missed...

[ladymoreta]

I would send the quick email saying you missed seeing her and hope to catch up soon, but pretend you didn't hear the rumor. Unless you hear it from her, I'd assume it's false, and it would be awkward for you to act as if it's true.

[Ladybug]

Exactly. Just reach out with your original intention…to reconnect and say you were missed.

[lovelight]

Agree with the rest!


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[Curegirl]

Yup, agree with all the above.

[Vanquisher]

I would contact her and act like you don't know anything. For now, it's rumor and you don't know if it's true. If it's true and she wants to tell you, she will...if not, it's always nice to hear that you're missed...

Nailed it!

[Pollyanna]

Exactly. Just reach out with your original intention…to reconnect and say you were missed.

Yes!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Ok, sounds good. I'm just sick over this. She is the sweetest girl, I'm so hopeful it's not true.

[Ladybug]

Stuff like that is usually true she may be too overwhelmed/paranoid to respond, but all you can do is reach out. We're all on our own journeys. We can only help and support each other. Reach out.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Stuff like that is usually true she may be too overwhelmed/paranoid to respond, but all you can do is reach out. We're all on our own journeys. We can only help and support each other. Reach out.

I know. I don't know why someone would make up a story like that so I'm assuming it's true.

[moonlight]

Maybe I'm a bad person, but if I were in that situation I wouldn't email at all. I know you care for her dearly, so totally go for it! The reason I personally wouldn't is because of the drama that goes along with divorcing people. I would be there in a heartbeat if it were family or a very close friend. If it were someone I would only talk to once a year, I would avoid avoid avoid. If its true (and do they have their own kids?) its going to be a nightmare!!! I wish her all the best!!

[diggitydot]

Maybe I'm a bad person, but if I were in that situation I wouldn't email at all. I know you care for her dearly, so totally go for it! The reason I personally wouldn't is because of the drama that goes along with divorcing people. I would be there in a heartbeat if it were family or a very close friend. If it were someone I would only talk to once a year, I would avoid avoid avoid. If its true (and do they have their own kids?) its going to be a nightmare!!! I wish her all the best!!

Same here. I wouldn't reach out someone going through this unless they were an extremely good friend who I was in contact with frequently because if I were the person this was happening to, I would want to be left the fuck alone.

[medpedspouse]

Is she someone that you would like to have a better relationship with? If so, I would email her and express how much you missed her. I would also add that since life gets in the way and you have not been able to keep up with friends, that you made a resolution to change that. Then I would send her little notes very now and then. The reason why I add the latter is because if she is going through a divorce, she will need all the support she can get. You do not have to mention the divorce just send little notes let her know you are thinking of her. I think she may appreciate it....only IF you do want to have a relationship with her of course.

One of the things that saddens me about couples going through divorce is how people act like it is contagious. Even if it was a horrible marriage, it is still a painful time for both parties.

[SoonerTexan]

Given you have a reason to contact her (you missed her at the reunion), I think it is fair to email and just say she was missed and leave it at that.