Public Rant/vent thread

[Sheherezade]

Insomnia in a hotel room with three sleeping people. *sigh*. Truly painful.

[SoonerTexan]

Get your razor nails off my boob child. (Adventures in breastfeeding)

[MAPPLEBUM]

Didn't go away for us after training. I think it's the "weak muscle" theory...


Angie

Haha care to elaborate? I'm afraid it's what I've always feared, that by taking up the slack now when he's so busy he'll get used to it and never pull his weight domestically again.

I'm starting to formulate a new argument with him on this subject. It goes something like this. We both chose our lot in life before meeting each other. I've made adjustments and sacrifices to be with him (trailing wife) but am still in my field. We would be in our professions whether or not we were together (this is not an essential part of the argument but helps). We both have our professions and it's expected that we keep our shit together with them. I never ask him to take care of anything that pertains to my professional life nor of course does he. Those are separate worlds where the spouse doesn't reside. Our domicile, however, is shared. That is our life together, so the fact that he is keeping his shit together professionally is completely irrelevant to whether he's pulling his weight domestically. Just because he has a lot of responsibilities at work doesn't exempt him from responsibilities at home. Two unrelated issues. Therefore, if he's not pulling his weight at home saying he has a lot of work is a completely invalid argument. I'll let you know if it ever works.


My rant: weekend call used to be from Friday morning to Sunday morning. They've recently changed it from Friday morning to Sunday at 4:00. I think that was a really stupid decision. He HAS gotten some sleep this weekend but has pretty much been working since Friday morning. By now he's absolutely exhausted by the week and call, and instead of getting to come home around 9:00am I'm sure he's going to be at the hospital until early evening. No time to recover. He used to be able to come home in the morning, sleep, relax, unwind, go to bed early, and start over on Monday. The way it is now he'll come home, eat dinner, try to watch TV, and then go to bed. really shitty.

[Pollyanna]

Haha care to elaborate? I'm afraid it's what I've always feared, that by taking up the slack now when he's so busy he'll get used to it and never pull his weight domestically again.

I'm starting to formulate a new argument with him on this subject. It goes something like this. We both chose our lot in life before meeting each other. I've made adjustments and sacrifices to be with him (trailing wife) but am still in my field. We would be in our professions whether or not we were together (this is not an essential part of the argument but helps). We both have our professions and it's expected that we keep our shit together with them. I never ask him to take care of anything that pertains to my professional life nor of course does he. Those are separate worlds where the spouse doesn't reside. Our domicile, however, is shared. That is our life together, so the fact that he is keeping his shit together professionally is completely irrelevant to whether he's pulling his weight domestically. Just because he has a lot of responsibilities at work doesn't exempt him from responsibilities at home. Two unrelated issues. Therefore, if he's not pulling his weight at home saying he has a lot of work is a completely invalid argument. I'll let you know if it ever works.


My rant: weekend call used to be from Friday morning to Sunday morning. They've recently changed it from Friday morning to Sunday at 4:00. I think that was a really stupid decision. He HAS gotten some sleep this weekend but has pretty much been working since Friday morning. By now he's absolutely exhausted by the week and call, and instead of getting to come home around 9:00am I'm sure he's going to be at the hospital until early evening. No time to recover. He used to be able to come home in the morning, sleep, relax, unwind, go to bed early, and start over on Monday. The way it is now he'll come home, eat dinner, try to watch TV, and then go to bed. really shitty.

I always have said if dh was single he would have to take care of his house so to expect no help domestically would be silly. We always have worked as a team in the house, certainly do do more but he pitches in as well. Importantly though, I let him do things his way, too many woman freak out if things aren't done a certain way which just guarantees they will be doing it themselves. So yes, you're on track on the home front IMO.

Sorry about the call change but it is good prep for attendinghood. I think dh maxes out at maybe 4 hrs/night (if that), during call week. Prepping for that during training is essential.

[MAPPLEBUM]

Yea, part of it is that it drives me nuts when the house isn't at least in some semblance of order. Dishes cleaned, counters wiped, floor swept, tidy living areas. I do those things, more or less, every morning. I understand if I wasn't around they just wouldn't get done until he had free time, but I still maintain he can take 5 minutes to do some dishes or clean up his shit laying around the house before leaving work in the morning. We just had this discussion and he has gotten better the last few days (before call). But really? Feeling good about yourself because you take the garbage out once a week (which is really about twice a month)? Who does he think takes care of it the rest of the time!

[DrBandMe]

I had this convo with DrB when we started dating so his bad habits never really started. Sometimes I let him slide and I'll do something for him but, in turn, most times he pays it back by doing something for me. I have managed it by emailing him a list of the things I need done and a deadline. So on the first of the month, I sent him an email saying what I needed him to handle and the deadline of August 30. He can manage his time however he wants and 90% of the time he gets his work done. Obviously, this probably only works for us but you ladies taught me early! Being a doctor doesn't give him a free pass. Thanks, gals!

[DrBandMe]

That might have come off preachy to you, MB...I didn't intend that!

[WolfpackWife]

DrB, I feel like we have a similar dynamic. Our pre-med school life far outweighs our time in this medical journey so far, and we had 4+ years to establish patterns, etc. I have to say that my husband does annoying scatterbrained things like rinse a bowl but not move it 6 inches into the dishwasher, but for the most part he really does stuff around the house and doesn't expect me to do everything. If I don't have time to do laundry or iron, he asks "do you think you'll have time? If not, I'll go ahead and get my stuff done, it's no big deal. Let me know if there's anything of yours you want me to put in right now." He'll also run to the grocery store if he needs/wants something and will check with me about whether or not we need anything. He doesn't do as much as quickly/as often as he used to, but I really shouldn't complain. This weekend alone he ran out to get breakfast items and fill my car with gas...then made me breakfast in bed for literally no reason! Then today he bathed the dog, made a grocery list then went shopping, even went to the nursery to get some plant food for our veggies/herbs, vacuumed and emptied/refilled the dishwasher. I didn't ask him to do that stuff, but I was busy working on helping him get his stuff ready for his first week of an away rotation so he jumped in where he could. He knew it would help. We do sort of the same thing - if he has a weekend/few days off, or during a break, he'll ask me to make a list of the things I want him to get done during that time and usually he comes through on every one. Do I wish he'd get better acquainted with the dishwasher or take out the trash a little bit sooner than before it's completely overflowing and obnoxious? Yes. But he does stuff and I definitely attribute it to the patterns and expectations we established when we first moved in together after college. But who knows!

[MAPPLEBUM]

That might have come off preachy to you, MB...I didn't intend that!

wasn't, I just thought. "uhhh that would never work." DH was Mr. Egalitarian before we moved in together. I thought he was a respectable feminist. It all started changing when we moved in together and then went downhill fast when we moved across the country. He doesn't even consider my housekeeping to be very good and says he can't wait until we can afford a house cleaner.

[WolfpackWife]

wHe doesn't even consider my housekeeping to be very good and says he can't wait until we can afford a house cleaner.

If he actually *says* that to you (the part where he thinks your housekeeping isn't good) I hope you smack him!

[alotofyarn]

20 minutes of screaming and fighting her nap so far. I'm sort of regretting not paying to put her in holiday care at school today. (Daycare is closed this week for teacher training and building maintenance, but you can pay extra and still drop them off today and tomorrow - it's usually not an issue for me because I have a flexible schedule and can work from home, plus I like the extra time with her...usually.)

[alotofyarn]

SIL is staying with us Sunday night but can't tell us what time she's getting here. I really want to go to a baby shower at 2, an hour away. Is it wrong of me to go ahead and make plans, knowing E and I may not be back in time to be home when gets here, if she can't even give me some sort of general time that she'll be here? This is so frustrating.

[rain_dancer]

SIL is staying with us Sunday night but can't tell us what time she's getting here. I really want to go to a baby shower at 2, an hour away. Is it wrong of me to go ahead and make plans, knowing E and I may not be back in time to be home when gets here, if she can't even give me some sort of general time that she'll be here? This is so frustrating.

If it was me, I'd go to the shower, but only stay for a pre-determined amount of time. That way I could let the ILs know what time I'd be home. It might work out in their favor too. They can sleep in and get a later start that morning, or make more sight-seeing stops along the way. And if they end up with a long drive that day and get to your house later, you won't be kicking yourself for missing the shower.

[ladymoreta]

I agree with rain_dancer. That sounds like a great solution for all of you!

[HouseofWool]

In the last month, my kitchen has officially died.

A few weeks ago a cupboard door fell off.

The dishwasher, which had made a miraculous recovery, died again. Before, it wasn't pumping water out. Now it isn't pumping water in.

Today the garbage disposal isn't working at all. It's like there is no power. I tried the reset button on the bottom. No dice.

I can imagine that replacing the 2 appliances will run about a grand. Awesome.

Any recommendations?