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Do all wives of med students have babies?

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  • #16
    And nothing wrong with having "just dogs" instead.
    Married to a hematopathologist seven years out of training.
    Raising three girls, 11, 9, and 2.

    “That was the thing about the world: it wasn't that things were harder than you thought they were going to be, it was that they were hard in ways that you didn't expect.”
    Lev Grossman, The Magician King

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    • #17
      Laura,

      Great question...Does having children make med school easier or harder?

      First, if you're not sure about kids, WAIT. Children are the best thing to ever happen to us, but we REALLY wanted them and had a lot of "living" under our belt. We had our first child during DH's final months of medical school at the age of 26 and 28 and still felt kind of young. We are currently expecting our second during his fourth year of residency.

      Medical training, particularly residency, is darn demanding on a family. This is especially true if things are already rocky without the additional demands of training. I personally do not subscribe to the let's-have-a-child-to-make-things-work-out theory.

      With that being said, kids do make you reevaluate your whole view on your marriage commitment. During the toughest hours, you realize that your life is not about you anymore and that you love someone else more than yourself. Although this is far from the most P.C. answer that you will receive, our child made us think more clearly about our future during the toughest hours of our marriage. In retrospect, I'm so grateful that we toughed it out because today we have a fantastic marriage. Seriously, it is unbelievable how much we have evolved and how much peace and love we have found together. Nonetheless, I know that at one point in our marriage it was our mutual love for our child made clearer heads prevail.

      In other words, there is no true answer to your question. Kids are by far the best thing on the planet and will make your marriage relationship stronger because you both love something that came from both of you and you experience together. At the same time, they demand an overwhelming amount of time, energy, money, and selflessness. Perhaps the answer is that they make training both easier and tougher.

      Kelly
      In my dreams I run with the Kenyans.

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      • #18
        Well said Kelly!!!!! I agree (and more importantly respect) everything you said in your comments.

        My husband and I raised two dogs ("we" raised them???) before we had our daughter (in residency, not med. school) and it was a really nice reality check as to how uninvolved my husband was going to be with our daughter, due to the time constraints of his job. He wished he could have been more so, but most residencies have issues with eating, and sleeping. Caring for pets is very low on the priority list. Seeing him struggle with household responsibilities before we had our daughter was helpful in order to have an idea of what to expect. I guess I knew (as much as you can when you don't have kids) how much work children was going to be for ME.

        I did all the puppy school, training, exercising, finding boarding when we were out of town, vet. visits, etc. My job, at the time, allowed me to make all these tasks a part of my life. Most of the time I was happy to do it but I did get a little (a little??) wistful for a weekend morning where my husband exercised the dogs while I slept in. It NEVER happened but that's life.

        Our oldest dog will be 5 this April and I think in the last three years, my husband has walked or exercised him about 4 times. Two of those times I was with him!!!

        I will have to echo Kelly's sentiments to stick with your dogs unless you have this deep burning need to have children now. Residency is lousy. There are no two ways about that so if you aren't ready AND you have to deal with residency on top of this, it's a bad plan.

        Good luck and what kind of dogs do you have?
        Flynn

        Wife to post training CT surgeon; mother of three kids ages 17, 15, and 11.

        “It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” —Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets " Albus Dumbledore

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        • #19
          Originally posted by kmbsjbcgb
          With that being said, kids do make you reevaluate your whole view on your marriage commitment. During the toughest hours, you realize that your life is not about you anymore and that you love someone else more than yourself. Although this is far from the most P.C. answer that you will receive, our child made us think more clearly about our future during the toughest hours of our marriage. In retrospect, I'm so grateful that we toughed it out because today we have a fantastic marriage. Seriously, it is unbelievable how much we have evolved and how much peace and love we have found together. Nonetheless, I know that at one point in our marriage it was our mutual love for our child made clearer heads prevail.
          We had a very similar experience earlier in our marriage (when our oldest was a toddler and the twins were infants). I agree with Kelly's observations here.

          Jennifer
          Who uses a machete to cut through red tape
          With fingernails that shine like justice
          And a voice that is dark like tinted glass

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