zen master?

[houseelf]

I am trying to be zen master/mommy/wife but argh I want a plan!!!!! WAH! In this coming month we find out whether DH won an NIH grant which would extend our fun-filled general surgery years in Minnesota from 7 to 8. Of course, this additional year would be a research year as oppossed to a clinical year (Read: super cushy lifestyle), but it is another year in living in that suspended life called residency in which one doesn't own one's life.

On one hand, this has been a fantastic year, why not do another year in the lab? It would be great to have DH around more, especially with our newly expanded family. On the other hand, this will mean that at the end of the day, we will have ten (10-- you read that correctly) years in residency and fellowship training in total. As you all know, residency ain't for the faint of heart. Our life is dictated by trying to make things work in our tiny living space, tight financial means, and living under a a harried schedule until the end. (Whatever "the end" means?) All of you attending spouses, please don't burst my fantasies about a more stress-free life style being done offers. I prefer my delusions. Also, all of you military spouses out there: feel free to jump me for my wimpiness on the topic of not being able to control my destiny. I realize that this takes guts to even complain about this in light of what you all face.

At some level, I do realize that control over one's destiny is but an illusion. BUT WAH! It just feels like nothing is up to us.

Honestly, I don't know what I'm hoping for either way in regards to this grant. Sure, it would be great if he got the grant because it would pay back student loans and allow him more time to be with us.....On the other hand, it is another year that I feel like we are still living somewhat of a bohemian collegiate wanderlust lifestyle here.

Chant with me........oooooommmmmmmm.....oooooommmmmmmm......

Clearly, I'm too Type A for this lifestyle.

Kelly

[Sheherezade]

Oh Kelly. I see both sides too. We are finally done--YEAH-- after 4 years of residency and 3 of fellowship. We are both SOOO relieved, even though I'm sure we would have signed on for more evil training time if the right opportunity was presented. Here is my thought: We are applying (the royal we--I really mean he is...) for an NIH grant for loan repayment that is given to new academic faculty doing 20 hours of research a week. I would imagine if your DH is willing to do extra time in the lab, he will probably be interested in keeping a hand in academic research in his attending slot. Has he looked in to these programs? They repay up to 35,000 a year and taxes incurred. That way you could be "done" (whatever that brings) and still get the benefits of loan repayment. I realize you are already in the loop for this NIH grant, so I'm not sure if you really have a decision to make or are just being philosophical. I certainly understand your feelings. I am hoping the academic attending slot is a better lifestyle than training. Still, I think I've come to believe this medical training system is all a big scam--always promising life gets better just around the corner. I have had to become much more Zen master myself after a h**llish fellowship experience. If life gets better great, but I do enjoy what we have even if it stays the same. It's just...different?? ... from the life of "normal" people. . I'm sure no matter what you decide there will be an upside!

Angie

[houseelf]

Thanks guys,

The NIH grant is for academic research in pediatric cancer. I don't know what DH does in the lab but it has something to do with injecting salmonella into these cancer cells in rats to see if there is a decrease in the tumor. (My apologies for the lay person explanation....I'm sure that there are big latin terms that more accurately describe what he does. )

He applied for the loan repayment program which would pay about $35,000 for two years of work which he is already doing. BUT...it would necessitate extra time. Either way, there are advantages and disadvantages.

RE: Academic medicine. DH plans on always being in academic medicine. That is why "we" choose to come here instead of "just" doing a more local gen. surgery residency.

O.K. I am detached. I have no vested interest in either outcome. I will go back and read "Sidhartha" again. I am in the flow. Ooooooommmmmmm....

Kelly

[Flynn]

Good luck with whatever happens. I too hate the feeling that you are just "going along for the ride" and that this resident/training type of life will never end.

Academic medicine....ooh, I feel for you girl!!!
I think we are getting the *&^% outta that life forever in two years but never say never I guess!