Residents wives club?

A question for everyone who is going through residency or has been through it. How friendly are/were you with the spouses of other residents? With every interview we have gotten the program director is really "concerned" with spouse, kids, and belonging to a residents spouse group. How much time did any of you spend in this kind of group? I think it sounds like a really good thing, I'm just wondering how it worked for all of you.

[Vishenka69]

You mean the program has other residents...and they're married? During DH's prelim year I didn't meet anyone from his program until the Christmas party. We also lived next to several of my friends from college, so I didn't make any effort to meet new ppl. Right now I'd love to make new friends as I don't know anyone in our neighborhood but DH is not too crazy about the other residents and doesn't want to hang out with them outside of the hospital. I've met some of them and their spouses at a picnic but didn't click with anyone. I've also never heard of "residents spouse group". Several of his med school friends are married to non-medical ppl, so we do have our own sort of support group.

Ok well I was just wondering if it as good as it looks on a website/or what the program director tells DH or if it is just a bunch of BS. Information that we have seen says stuff like, "WE (the residents) hang out all the time doing stuff like picnics and bbq's" I would love for it to be true that a bunch of residents hang out all the time but I don't think that is going to happen. But even more I would like it to be true that the spouses hung out and did stuff (especially with kids).

[migirl]

Information that we have seen says stuff like, "WE (the residents) hang out all the time doing stuff like picnics and bbq's"

This actually does happen at our program, everyone is friends with everyone else, spouses and children included. The residents (and families, depending on the activity) are always getting together for parties, BBQs, wine-tastings, tailgating, etc. It is a small program, though (only 18 residents), so that might influence the 'tightness' of the group. It is nice from the perspective that it is fun to socialize with other people in the same circumstances with similar interests, but it can get old for DH who says, "I spend enough time with those guys during the day, I don't feel like seeing them tonight."

[SueC]

If there is a spouse's club at dh's hospital, I don't know anything about it. I've met other spouses at the two parties they have each year, and they are all really nice but it's never gone beyond polite conversation. I guess I'd take it as a good sign that that the director is mentioning a spouses program, though I guess you won't really know if it is really happening until you get there.

Most of the other residents in my husband's program were unmarried and none of the residents had any children, including us. There were social get-togethers every month or so, but we rarely went. Just about every single social gathering ended up with almost all of the residents completely wasted and butt naked in a hot tub. DH and I are a little more low key, so we usually passed on these events!

A lot of residencies do have wives' groups and get-togethers that are fun for the whole family. The residents in my husband's program were mostly young and single, so there wasn't really a support group for residents' wives and families. If you are looking for a residency program that is family friendly, you may want to ask around to see how many residents in the program are married & have children.

[Cumberland]

There is a fairly active spouse's club here. I, being starved for any social interaction, have been to almost everything they have had. The group is for any resident or attending's spouse. In Sept they had a low country boil, a speaker ( the rep from the insurance to answer any questions) and a book club. Plus we go to a playgroup put together by the group. Alot of the people are serious southern belles ( like twin sets, chunky pearls with a bow in the back and their kids wear all $100 smocked dresses) who i probably just dont have alot in common with. I have met some nice people but it does take time to make real friends.

Just about every single social gathering ended up with almost all of the residents completely wasted and butt naked in a hot tub

Wow, I'm a little more low-key than that also...

like twin sets, chunky pearls with a bow in the back and their kids wear all $100 smocked dresses)

That is interesting, explain, a twin set? pearls with bows?

[PrincessFiona]

Where in the heck do you get your smiley's Kristen? Did i ask you this before? I want some!!!

kris

[Flynn]

Well from our experience, very few residents were married and hardly any had children until the very end of residency.

I did hang out with 3 other women who had DHs and that was kind of an informal support group but then residency was over for two of them, one is now divorced, one moved away and now myself and the other woman are moms so it's more about parenting than socialization.

There is a support group (formal) with the program here but I never really got into it because it was only in the evening and it's hard to go to if you have kids.

I would be wary of ANY doc who talks about support groups. See if you can talk to some spouses of the program if you want a straight answer. So much BS is spewed by attendings during the interview process it's UNREAL.

[Cumberland]

Ok a twin set is a short sleeved sweater with a matching cardigan over it. Nothing wrong with AT ALL. I think it was Sandy's outfit du jour in the beginning of Grease. The chunky pearls are those big faux pearls ( like size of an eyeball) that tie with a big bow in the back. Again, nothing wrong with them but I tend not to dress like that. Likewise, I think birks or a fleece vest is not something that they would wear either.

DW's program was the same- the resident's get together and BBQ, go to games, the occasional bar....but they are more for the singles, or the couples with no kids...very few gatherings that were compeltely family oreiented, but that was Ok, we all got together when we could otherwise,

As far as a resident spouse group, there was not one to my knowledge. But there were several residents spouses who came to THIS VERY SITE and read a many posts to learn about what they had gotten themselves into.

[DCJenn]

We kind of formed our own little group (we hung out more with the nekked wasted group than the people who had small kids and didn't need to be using up their precious few hours of sleep hanging out in downtown San Antonio)

There was a hospital auxilary but as I found out, they were all 100 year old retired General's wives or SAHMs. All of the meetings were during the day, at a kid friendly restaurant clear across town, and NO ONE except me worked. So, we just mingled with our fellow residents and their spouses. One couple we're still tight with- we go on vacations together, etc. She and my husband were residents together and her husband is also a military doc. But we spent 15 minutes talking about the program and the rest of the time having real conversations.

You can find people with similar interests- but it does take work. I ended up not making any friends at my job because everyone I worked with was either an employee of mine or my supervisor. It pretty much sucked at times.

Jenn

[mommax3]

DH's dept. kind of had an informal group, due largely to the efforts of one spouse who was very social and a LOT of fun. The dept. was pretty big.....32 residents when we started, and most were married, and about half had kids. Not everyone came to every event, (at least 7 or 8 or them were always on call, since they covered two hospitals) but usually, a good number of people showed up, everyone brought something, and a good time was had by all. If anyone got naked, it was after we went home! I made some good friends there, a couple that I am still in touch with. It was very nice (as a SAHM far from friends and family and HOME) to know some other people in the exact same situation, to help navigate the unknown with you.

Since leaving residency (but not the military, which is a very small world, especially in the medical field) I have learned that my husband's residency "class" was viewed as one of the most stable classes ever. Of the three years ahead of him and the three years that followed him, I can think of five divorces without even pausing between names......but there have been NONE in DH's year. I think that stability made our social get-togethers a lot more fun.

Sally