when to have a baby

Thanks for the info, guys! Migirl, it's too bad I can't change DH's mind about his desired specialty. He has his heart set on ENT. So much so that if (god forbid) he doesn't match next month, then he's willing to take a whole year off and do research and try again next year. I don't think urology is in our future. But I am glad to hear of a surg sub-specialty that isn't gruelling. It gives me hope.

And feeling like a single mom? Ummmm yeah, there were numerous times during his rotations already where we went long stretches when he didn't even see our son awake! Of course surgery has been a real killer. Medicine wasn't great either. That's why we need to wait for a lull in his schedule to even consider a #2. As it is, our toddler runs me ragged and I don't think I could handle a newborn plus him on my own without going insane!!! I (we) love him dearly, but have to keep reality in check.

[Rapunzel]

Ok, so here's my question... is it GS that is the worst of the worst, or are subspecialties just as bad? My DH is MS 4 and (hopefully) about to embark on an ENT residency.

I know the subspecialty of interventional radiology is pretty much "as bad" as general surg. My husband was seriously considering a fellowship in this for a couple of years and I am, quite frankly, greatly relieved that he has decided that particular subspecialty is not for him.

Reading this thread all I can really say otherwise is, "Wow". I think everyone's opinion on this particular thread needs to be taken very, very seriously and I appreciate everybody's candor in answering the original post.

Jennifer

[HeartRN]

Another delusion I had.....(one of MANY!) was that fellowship would be "better hours" and "less rigorous" than residency. Needless to say, I was way wrong. I don't know if this goes for every fellowship or not....or maybe it's just the particular program. Just something to consider when deciding how LONG of a road on which you are willing to embark with your SO!

Hey asn41again, I just asked DH about ENT. He said (gotta love the CYA):
From my experience, ENT would not be as taxing as GS but that could be institution specific. Of course, the first year is a GS intern year, and the 2nd year is in-house, but it gets better after that. But it depends on the program.

Does that make you feel a little better?

I appreciate everyone's honesty and sharing of personal experiences. I must say, though, that I think it's going to give me an ulcer. If I may, I think I need to vent a little.

First, I've been on 4 interviews now, and I HATE being questioned about marital/family issues on my interviews.

Second, I HATE even more feeling like I have to lie about wanting to have a family any time in the next 6 years.

Third, I HATE that I haven't met a single female surgical resident who is married.

Fourth, I HATE feeling like I'm going through this interview process alone because my husband is an intern in internal medicine, and between my interview schedule and his call schedule, I haven't been around when he's had a day off for at least 3 weeks.

Okay, I think that's everything. Sorry for the complaining, but I needed to get it out of my system.

Actually, no, one more thing: I HATE that when my husband came home from the hospital Sunday night, he told me that he wishes that we could have a baby NOW!
Believe me, we have talked about this extensively, and he knows that to have a baby during my internship would be unreasonable, painful, and a terrible idea. But he said it, nevertheless, and then apologized for saying it--which made me feel even worse.

I HATE feeling like I need to choose between a family and the career I desperately want. I hope that when I'm done with gen surg at 33yo, I'll still be able to get pregnant.

Sorry, surgspouse. The interview process does suck. Your first rant is near and dear to my heart: it just floors me how the medical world handles employment issues. It is illegal for them to ask you about your marriage situation, your family situation, your plans in that regard, etc. Somehow residency programs and medical institutions seem to think that basic employment practices don't apply to them. There is always an excuse as to why they can require the hours that they do, not pay overtime, not pay into retirement accounts, basically screw you at every turn. And why do people put up with it? It's the only way to get a residency completed.

Don't know if this makes you feel any better....but most of my friends have had children after 30. Yes, fertility problems are real and more of an issue with age but don't be too hard on yourself.