changing name...

[Vanquisher]

I know its a pain, but if you love your names and want to take hubbys, you can keep both your middle name and last name as middle names and use hubby's as a last name without hyphenating.

I think hyphenating works best for very short easy to pronounce last names like Brown-Locke. With my hubby's 9-letter French name and my run of the mill Danish maiden name, it definitely woudn't have worked, and it would have gone on forever. I just dropped mine, but I wasn't that attached to it. I went from a very common last name to a hard to spell and pronounce french name. But, its all good, because it means, "the lovers." How cool is that?

I also didn't want to give my kids hyphenated names, and I wanted to have the same last name as my husband and future kids.

[Michele]

I didn't have a middle, so I just moved my maiden name (also a very fun italian name) to my middle and took hubby's last name (a fun irish name).


If I had a cool middle, I'd probably just would have made my maiden name my second middle name.


We married before I graduated from vet school...and I wondered whether or not it'd be best to be Dr. Maiden name or to also be Dr. His Last Name.... I went with his last name for the sake of family unity. We also thought about making a brand new last name out of our two...We liked it, but both our folks thought we were crazy.

But I was announced at graduation with all three names so my folks could relish the fact that thier last name is associated with the title Dr.

I dropped my maiden name and took DH's last name. My maiden name was Swedish and not the easiest to pronounce. DH's happens to be Swedish as well, and easier to pronounce, but not by much. A combination of the two would have been a mouthful, to say the least.

I went from a very common last name to a hard to spell and pronounce french name. But, its all good, because it means, "the lovers." How cool is that?

That is cool. My maiden name means 'from the green north', and DH's is the incredibly romantic 'stone hill'.

UM....you forgot one important choice in the poll: Keep your own name and don't change a thing.
I will consider changing my name to his last name when and IF we have children. Otherwise it will stay the same as it's always been.
Taking the hubby's last name certainly makes things easier but I am a little perturbed with the tradition overall. Taking the last name of the man came from a time when women were married off without their consent to their new rightful "owners." The new name is a result of the woman being the property of the man.

[Rapunzel]

I did't have any insecurity complexes and I didn't have a career where I had tons of connections who could only know me by one name back when I got married. Sooo.... I took my husband's name. It simplifies geneology research, records and details for our children, and it symbolically binds us together as part of one, united family.

If you have a career where your name is WHO you are - such as in news broadcasting, or if you are wildly successful and your name IS your brand identifier (such as is the case with actresses or other cultural icons), or if you feel overwhelmed by the prospect of telling your contacts that your name is now a bit different THEN I understand not changing your name. In other words - a relatively tiny portion of women in the United States have an economic and serious social problem when it comes to changing their names upon marriage. I completely understand that issue - for that small group of women.

I know there is a certain segment of women who feel somehow attacked or offended or something by taking your husband's name upon marriage but I will honestly never understand that particular emotional - even visceral - reaction and where they're coming from. It's much too foreign an attitude for me and just smacks of insecurity in my mind. It also seems like a very antagonistic view of the masculine portion of society and makes me wonder why they would bother getting married at all (after all, isn't marriage itself an "outdated" tradition connotating "ownership" of the woman by the man as well? ).

I did't have any insecurity complexes .....

I know there is a certain segment of women who feel somehow attacked or offended or something by taking your husband's name upon marriage but I will honestly never understand that particular emotional - even visceral - reaction and where they're coming from. It's much too foreign an attitude for me and just smacks of insecurity in my mind. It also seems like a very antagonistic view of the masculine portion of society and makes me wonder why they would bother getting married at all (after all, isn't marriage itself an "outdated" tradition connotating "ownership" of the woman by the man as well? ).

I'm sorry. But why must everything turn into an insult or "insert moral superiority here" fest? Simply because a woman doesn't want to change her name (I did, BTW), does not mean she's insecure. It simply means that she doesn't want to change her name -- for whatever the reason. Some names are ones people might prefer to not use (ummm, no offense DCJenn ), some people are very attached to their families and there may be no one else to carry on the family name ...

I just don't understand why that decision must be labeled at all, let alone labeled as "insecure" or "antagonistc".

[Gwendolyn]

I know there is a certain segment of women who feel somehow attacked or offended or something by taking your husband's name upon marriage but I will honestly never understand that particular emotional - even visceral - reaction and where they're coming from. It's much too foreign an attitude for me and just smacks of insecurity in my mind. It also seems like a very antagonistic view of the masculine portion of society and makes me wonder why they would bother getting married at all (after all, isn't marriage itself an "outdated" tradition connotating "ownership" of the woman by the man as well? ).

Rapunzel, you kill me sometimes! Because it is your path, doesn’t make it the right path for everyone.

I hyphenated, but use only my name professionally. Partially because I have published under that name prior to marriage and would prefer continuity, and partially because I am me. I don't need to take my husbands name. I have some pretty strong feelings on the issue about why I use my name and not my husbands, but that is for my relationship with my husband. It is a decision we came to, and I can not sit in judgment of what other women choose to do.

This is a question of identity. How do you choose to identify yourself? It is a question that can only be answered by the person(s) making the decision.

[Laker]

My wife (she is the M.D.) took my last name. Her last name was the common one and mine is the different french name. Anyway, I encouraged her to keep her name or at least make it the middle name. She made her maiden name her middle name and took mine for her last. I agree that it is a personal decision. She is not insecure or annoyingly overconfident. She is a wonderful, strong, woman who happens to be a female M.D. and it was her decision entirely.

[BonBon]

I like Heidi's suggestion if you like your current middle name. Myself, I dropped my middle name in favor of making my maiden name my middle name. I only changed my last name because 1) I wanted to have the same last name as my children, and 2) because DH's last name is so much better than my maiden name (Hill). Frankly, I thought changing it was a pain in the butt.

Here is what I have always wondered...why don't we name children based on matriarchal lineage? ie, I birthed my kids so they most definitely are related to me...but for all anyone knows I could have been having an affair with the mailman. (I am hoping that makes sense...)

Here is what I have always wondered...why don't we name children based on matriarchal lineage? ie, I birthed my kids so they most definitely are related to me...but for all anyone knows I could have been having an affair with the mailman. (I am hoping that makes sense...)

That is a good point!

I followed Heidi's suggestion -- I have two middle names. It is a pain in the butt and confuses people in situations where you have to give your full legal name. Surely I am not the only person in the world with two middle names!

My oldest daughter now has my middle name as her first name -- there is an idea for you, assuming you want to have children and you have a girl. A few years before I was pregnant with her I started using my maiden name (and mostly initial) as my middle name for most purposes such as credit cards, bank accounts, resume, etc.

I liked my maiden name but we decided we wanted to have the same last name. DH considered changing his but we went with changing mine.

There are lots of cases where one would want to keep the maiden name. The journal articles are a good reason to consider. Almost all of the academic publications I have are with my married name but if I had more under my maiden name, that would be a consideration. Perhaps this has changed, but I have heard that changing a last name after graduation from medical school adds a extra work and cost in licensing, hospital privileges, etc. Some people I know who kept their last name just use their husband/childrens last name in social settings. Seems to work fine.

[twinsmom]

It was never an issue with me - it's just what I grew up being used to (being the youngest of seven, I had plently of weddings/name changes to view ahead of mine), and what I expected to do. I did wonder about the middle name. I liked both my middle name and my maiden name - but I kept my original middle name because it is my mothers name, and I wanted to keep that tradition going (it is also the middle name of my daughter).

Our family had a funny issue with this, though... I have a sister named Julie. My brother married a girl named Julie, so for a while, we had two Julie Petersen's, thinking that as soon as the original Julie got married, the issue would be resolved. Well, the original did get married... to a guy with the last name of Peterson. So she changed one letter in her last name and we still have two same-named girls in the family. To this day, we still call the 'married into the family' by her maiden name (or sometimes the initial of her maiden name), to distinguish.

Do whatever you're comfortable with - and just be glad you're not marrying into the Wolferburger family (yes, I really dated a guy named that!)... (sorry if any of the wolferburger family members are on this site... but c'mon, that is an unfortunate last name, you have to agree with me on that!).

Jen B.

" Well hunny... mommy couldnt make a decision and well this is what happens when you cant make up your mind"

So far my kids haven't asked. But that is what I'm going to tell them.

[Meenah]

I did the hyphen thing!!!!!! What a pain.

[Gwendolyn]

I did the hyphen thing!!!!!! What a pain.

I totally agree!

I do think we all tend to get overly stressed about the last name thing.

That said, I kept my last name in part for professional reasons and in part because I like it. I would have considered hyphenating but DH refused to change his name to a hyphen or to my last name - - which for me was somehow very confirming of my decision not to change my last name (after all if he wouldn't do that for me why should I feel badly about not changing for him).

When we have children, they will most likely have my last name. Hold onto your seats those with more religious faith than me (virtually everyone I'm sure) but our compromise is that my husband can raise the kids in his faith but I would like them to have my last name. If this turns out to be inconvenient we might hyphenate for the kids.

To the OP, of course do whatever feels best to you. As you know, the key thing is a good, strong, mutually supportive marriage - - not your name.