stagnation

Thanks for your reply. I agree with everything you wrote above. I thought it was interesting what you wrote about people not always responding favorably to drive for success in women--through my own experiences I have encountered this. A high-powered career, a high-powered salary, prestige and general success are extremely important to me, and I am yearning to have a job/career where I can make use of my skills and abilites because so far they have gone unused in a work setting and that just feels awful. I wouldn't be content to just have some job and not advance in the ranks and strive for professional success......that's part of why I've been so miserable in the past couple of years. Also, for some people a job is a job and what they do outside of work is their real life. But I want a job that is more of an identity--such as how medicine is an identity. I envy the fact that my husband has this. He is a doctor both on the job and off. That's what I want--something more than just a job, but a career I can identify with.

I realize that no job is perfect or can provide all the things I'd be looking for. Even in medicine, which is my ideal career, there are many, many sacrifices that have to be made, such as time, sacrificing outside interests, etc. I would love to find a job/career that provides me with interesting work, but so far, outside of medicine I haven't come across anything I think is a good fit for my interests. I've looked into non-profit work, and have applied for some entry-level positions, but no one will hire me because of my law degree. I've also considered entrepreneurship, which interests me because it allows you to "be the boss" and wear many hats, both of which sound appealing. Plus, there is no waiting to climb the corporate ladder in entrepreneurship.

I've devoted a ton of time in trying to figure out my career.......and I really don't know what to do next. I've tried working with career counselors....didn't work. I've tried reading career books......hasn't helped. I've informational interviewed, job shadowed, made use of my contacts, etc. but besides medicine, no other career speaks to me. Sadly, I think medicine is not in the cards for me.....so I don't know what else to look for next.

I know that I can't stand desk jobs, and want a socially responsible career and want to work with patients/clients (all things medicine would provide) but at the same time I can't find other careers/jobs that provide these things.

I'm willing to go back to school, but if I do I want to make sure the return on investment will be worth it, so I'd choose a field where there is high demand for graduates.....unlike law. Such as speech pathology, audiology, etc.....a technical area that's in demand.

What field are you in, may I ask?

You need to stop researching and thinking and ruminating. You need to TRY something - - there are no guarantees you will make the "right" choice, there never are guarantees, you just need to plunge in and work your way towards jobs that are an increasingly better fit.

Since medicine is out, why don't you consider: 1) dentistry; 2) optometry; or 3) nurse-anesthesia. I think part of your problem is that there are relatively few careers that are extremely high-paying AND allow you to work with clients in a helping fashion. Medicine has been that historically but much less so today on both the money and helping fronts, truly its a business. Also I would be very surprised if the high specialty salaries continue unabated, medicine is very cyclical. I would not opt for psychology - - very expensive training and inadequate insurance reimbursement right now. Dentistry sounds perfect for you - - patients, procedures, less grueling work life, neat opportunities to work on dental missions in less developed countries (my husband's grandfather did this one month per year in the later years of his career).

As for me, I worked in business for several years and then transitioned into academia (environmental/business professor) coupled with my own consulting work. I really loved various aspects of business development and wanted more time to research the questions that interested me. Academic careers in professional schools (law, business, medicine) are great - - fascinating research work, much higher salaries than undergrad professors, opportunities for private consulting, and an unbelievably flexible schedule.

I agree that you need to DO *something*. High pay/high prestige careers are limited in number and it takes some work to get to that pay rate. And once you get there, it is not going to make you overwhelmed with joy every single day.

What to do? Find a place you want to do that volunteer work and call them. Let them know you are moving to the area soon and want to find out more information. Make a doctors appointment. Look for ways to find a therapist in your new location.

Do you like to exercise? That helps with depression. Look for a gym in your new city or map out some walking or running routes.

The only thing that is going to stop the stagnation is you reversing it.

take a step in the right direction.....

I understand how you feel "overshadowed" by your husband being a doctor and the prestige that comes with it. I was feeling a bit the same when my husband became and attending and we moved to a new (small) town.....

I am an RN and work in a neurology office. When I first started there, the Doc introduced me to the staff as "This is Jen, Dr. ___'s wife". When the staff introduced me to drug reps "This is Jen. She is Dr. ___'s wife". Or when people from other offices would call, they'd say "I heard dr. ____'s wife works there now".

I don't think people are intentionally trying to put you in the shadows of your husband. The key is to bring yourself out from this shadow that you feel you are under and make yourself an "individual". This will help you feel more independent and fulfilled in life. Make yourself known!! You'll always be Dr. ____'s wife...but you'll more importantly be recognized as that "high powered attorney" or "thorough and well-educated nurse practitioner" or whatever you may chose to be.

For some reason you've created this self-fulfilling prophecy. You keep telling yourself over and over that you are in your husband's shadow and that you're not going to find something other than medicine that will give you enjoyment. By repeatedly telling yourself these things, you are altering your behavior which is causing a series of unfavorable life events.
You are losing confidence in yourself (that I am sure you once possessed) and it is leading you to a life of unhappiness. Do you really want that for yourself?

since you are an attorney you must have had a passion for law at some point in your life. And you undoubtedly have a desire to be in medicine. Have you ever thought about becoming legal nurse consultant?? They make a tremendous salary, and many of them work independently. Since you already have a degree in law, you'd be just a few short steps away from obtaining a bachelor's or master's degree in nursing. You could combine the two degrees and none of your education would be "wasted". You could also go the nurse practitioner or PA route if you'd rather see patients all day. NP's and PA's make great salaries as well. OR.....you could even do that and then do a side job of legal nurse consulting for even more money.

The first step is to stop this cyclical pattern which is leading you absolutely no where. Second step is to dig deep and find what really makes you happy. It may take a few months......shadow people in different professions, talk to career consultants, etc. but I think you will eventually find it.

Have you talked to your husband about how you feel? Maybe he doesn't completely understand your emotions or reasonings. Sit down with him and take time to discuss these issues. Most people, unless they are downright nasty, will listen and be supportive.

hang in there....things will get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Maybe moving to a new city will give you new hope.

[smiley]

I can definitely relate to some of the things you are saying. It's hard to come from an environment that forces exaggerated importance on achievement. It can seem like that is the key part of your identity, to excel, to be smart, to achieve. If there comes a time when you try to get something and fall short it can cause an identity meltdown.

It sounds like you still want to pursue medicine. You seem to have given up on it, yet still torture yourself with with the thought that you aren't "good enough" to make it (I hope none of this is rude or harsh, don't take it as such).If you still want it why not enroll full time in an MCAT course? And if that's not enough take another one and apply to DO schools if you have to.

Since you can't go to a therapist right now, you should invest in some self esteem/self help books or CD's. You need to make a commitment to yourself you shift your way of thinking, you have more than most people and feel as though you have nothing. It takes a lot of work to change your mindset, don't be unwilling to help yourself have a better life/ new outlook!
Things will get better!