Stay at home dads

[PrincessFiona]

to the guys!

Let me just say that I'm blown away by all of the men here who have stepped off of the treadmill to become sahd's or are trying to work and be the primary caregivers....as a woman, this is a role that is more...acceptable....and yet I struggle many, many days with myself and with societies perceptions of stay-at-home moms....I am absolutely amazed by you all....motivated...and at the same time ashamed at my own doubts about being a sahm and my desire for a career....you all have truly made an incredible sacrifice for your families......


Kris

I really look back at the 7 years I was a SAHD and feel very fortunate that I had that opportunity. I think my children, when they get older, will also look back at their unique experiences as wee tots and feel fortunate as well. (I hope so anyway)
I'm still primarily the before and after school caregiver. I get to knock off work just in time to scoop them up from school and shuttle them to wherever...exercise class, dance class, vollyball, basketball, scouts, drama class, etc.
I must say though my family could not have been given this opportunity if not for the hard work of my wife. Through Medical School, Residency Training, Fellowship, and Private Practice she has been very supportive in my managing the household. It's been a long hard road though. Both of us having made major life sacrifices. Her for one, as a mother, not being able to spend the "early years" at home with the children like a traditional family and I, giving up a career in restaurant management.....

[fluffhead]

I'm going to teach high school this coming year, and so will be putting our 1.5 year old in day care for a few hours a day. This is extraordinarily traumatic for me, probably more so than for the baby, but in any case, I'm bringing her over there now for a couple hours a day to acclimate her, and I stay with her.

Thus I get a glimpse into the mommy world. In all the songs and activities, mommy does the cooking and baking, daddy comes home from work, blah blah blah. I feel like I've entered a time warp.
I must say, though, that the teachers and aides are more than welcoming to me, and there's really no discomfort or stigmatization from them on a personal level. I guess it's more institutionalized or socialized stigma.

Anyway, I feel horrible about leaving her, but I've gotta get out of the house a little and exercise my brain.

That sounds cool! Are you teaching part time? How nice to have the whole summer to make the adjustment. Be sure to let us know how it goes.

[PrincessFiona]

teaching...

What do you teach??? It sounds like this will give you a much needed break to take care of your own career needs. Don't feel guilty....enjoy the time. You work hard and deserve to take care of yourself!

kris

[fluffhead]

well it's hardly a career builder - I have a PhD and I'm going to teach high school science part time. but it's something, and who knows? Maybe I'll love it and this is what I'll be doing for the rest of my life?
It's not really guilt that I'm feeling, more like dread - I picture her bawling all by herself in that big room, without me around....or worse yet - her having a great time and not missing me at all

[PrincessFiona]

really?

OK...Now I'm really interested...don't keep me hanging here...what is your PhD in I have my MS in mol bio and I've done a few kind of..interesting things. Last year, I taught a lab class in the morning when Alex was in preschool....who knows where this will take you? In any case..I want to know more now!

She will be fine! The first week or so there will likely be a bit of an adjustment...at about 18 months she won't be able to grasp the idea necessarily that you are leaving and coming back....but before you know it, those days that you are gone she will have a wonderful time playing alongside the other children....I know that children that age don't technically play together...but side-by-side play is one of the many steps in socialization

Go For IT.

kris

[fluffhead]

My doctorate was in Environmental Sciences. I've done lots of different things in and around that field. They're actually letting me design my own env. sci. course for juniors and seniors, and I'm also gonna teach chemistry.

Time to dig out the old textbooks....I can't even remember that whole electron configuration thing...

So does that mean we have to call you Dr. Fluffhead?

[fluffhead]

"Sir" will do just fine.

[PrincessFiona]

PhD

I'd really be interested in hearing more about your degree and what other projects you've taken on...I know it's hard to combine parenting/residency and a career...particularly in science! Let me just say though, that I'm completely blown away by the incredible sacrifices that you have so generously made for your family...they are extremely lucky to have you!

I just accepted a contract position for the Fall and will be coordinating a lab section of a course...so maybe we'll be able to share experiences and motivate each other

kris

[fluffhead]

Since being home with the baby, I've only done some financial consulting, and finished publishing a paper that has been waiting for publication. Also some very limited GIS consulting. Before baby I'd done lots of ground water and stormwater type stuff, and my last real job was in the area of food security - i.e. hunger prevention type stuff, related to urban agriculture etc.

High school teaching is a whole new beast, so it will be interesting to see how it all pans out.

Congratulations, Kris, on your new job!!! It sounds perfect!
I told the principal today that I'll be bringing the baby to new teacher orientation (new session of day care doesn't start up till september). She said no problem...

[PrincessFiona]

PhD

Wow...so when did you get your PhD and when did you decide to stay home? It must have been a very difficult decision for you because you worked so hard to get the PhD...I only have gotten 1/2 way up the ladder and know it's tough...but for the PhD students things were particularly difficult. Did you also have to do a post-doc? Environmental science has always been very interesting to me...the courses that I particularly enjoyed were in the Oceanography dept (ugrad). I often wish that I had studied Marine Bio....of course...it wouldn't have done much for me up here in MN (though they do have a marine science lab in Duluth).

High School teaching could be a great opportunity. You will have the chance to really prepare these kids for college AND perhaps inspire them to pursue science. I think the really tough part will be setting certain standards and getting the school board behind you.

As to bringing the baby to orientation...GO For IT. My first semester of grad school I took only two courses...They were both the bs research design and professional development ones...and I took Alex to each class. I have no shame!!!!

When do you start at the school?

kris

[fluffhead]

I got my phd a few years before I even met my wife. I met her during the final year of a 3-year postdoc at the EPA.
Regarding underwater science in MN, there was a whole program studying benthic populations and sediment accumulation of metals and PAHs in Lake Superior, involving development of this submersible sampling craft - a really cool submarine - all done at UMN.
I think if I'd had a rotten time doing the PhD and was only doing it for the academic career, then I'd be bitter being at home. But I never was aiming for the high powered professor thing. I had a great time in grad school, though I worked as hard as at any other time in my life (excepting, perhaps, when the baby had chicken pox), and never really had any expectations for what would come afterwards.
My real goal in all this is to be an organic farmer.
8)

[PrincessFiona]

science

I had considered doing environmental science way back when....My ugrad degree was actually a double major psych/german...and I went back and did a post-bacc years later. I was really interested at the time in amphibians and the whole declining populations/deformities issue. I ended up going into Molecular Biology because it was what was offered as an MS program at the time at UF. It also seemed like it might be better in terms of getting a job and I had also considered reapplying to med school again when my children were older (of course THAT hardly seems a realistic option now! )....but that has all changed pretty much too. Last semester I started helping with a project using african frogs and estradiol exposure....I was just helping feed tadpoles/clean cages on weekends when Thomas was home...but the project went belly up because our pumps didn't work.

But I never was aiming for the high powered professor thing.

I know what you mean...I don't really know where I see myself or where I even really...saw myself in 10 years...For now, I am really just exploring all of my interests....and trying to figure out who I am and I what I want...

Organic farming? Sounds very interesting! I'll bet you guys have a great summer veggie garden!

kris