Heidi's musings

[Vanquisher]

February 5, 2007

So, I went to Ikea and Trader Joes. One was good, the other, well... It's as close to having an orgasm as you can get without the sex for me.

Can you guess which was which?

Anyhoo, if ANYONE in their oh so kind and generous heart would be willing to ship me a bottle of Trader Joe's Cilantro dressing for my hubby (his heart was broken when they were all sold out. He has literally looked for a cilantro dressing for years!), we would be forever in your debt.


I could spend so much money in there! I spent some, but I could spend so much!! We got some lobster ravioli, artichoke ravioli, lobster bisque, andouille sausage, crab cakes, calamari, scallops, sushi, chocolate covered sunflower seeds, chocolate almond clusters, 5 bottles of 2 buck chuck, swiss chocolate milk, pear vinagrette dressing, 2 bottles of crushed garlic, enchilada sauce and more....ALL for less than $100. Fabulous. That is way better than shoe shopping, any day.

They are opening two of them in Charlotte for those who may or may not care - like me, but not till much later this year.

The wedding was fine too, and I will post pictures later of the final outcome.

I can't seem to find the camera now. I bet hubby took it. Why he needs it with him on a military base while he is doing back surgery is beyond me. I think we need some time away together again. We are starting to bicker a lot again, and I think we need some refreshing. It did wonders for us in August.

[Vanquisher]

February 15, 2007

Flu test - positive. My daughter definitely has the flu, and just spit out her first dose of Tamiflu all over me. At $75 for 10 doses, that's some expensive spit.

Ryan, my DS, brought this lovely virus home to us, and no we didn't get flu shots . Well, dh did. And, he had the nerve to tell me he thought he was getting sick. Seems fine to me. So, Ryan has had it too long for the Tamiflu to do any good for him, but he has a secondary infection, an ear infection. He is on Augmentin for that. So, two co-pays, a flu test, Tamiflu, and Augmentin later, I am out $200. Fabulous!

The doctor did give me samples of Tamiflu though, so hopefully I can nip this in the bud.

I really hate being sick. This has been a bad winter for that. Stupid winter. I don't understand why people like it at all.

[Vanquisher]

February 18, 2007

Finally, a pic from the wedding. The lighting was really bad in this place, so we didn't get a lot of good pictures. This is the best I have.

My hair so did not want to work for me.



ETA: Someone at the reception told me that I look just like Kate Walsh (AKA Dr. Addison Montgomery on Grey's Anatomy). I'll take it. I think she's gorgeous.

[Vanquisher]

February 21, 2007

And so, I quit my job today. I gave my notice. HOORAY!! I wasn't planning on it, but I woke up this morning, and just knew it was the right time. I got my quality control report back yesterday. I am sick of looking at red slash corrections on everything that I do and patronizing remarks about how to punctuate certain things. It irks me because some of the corrections being made are over things that the clients themselves have voiced certain prefernces for. I have communicated this to my boss and quality control, but the keep on "correcting" me. On of the comments to me today was regarding open reduction/internal fixation. Apparently, I missed the slash. Instead of just marking that, I get, "These are separate procedures done together. Please use a slash." It's like that for everything. HELLO!! My husband is a f-ing orthopaedist. I hear about open reduction/internal fixation daily. Holy shit.

The extra little money was nice, but that was starting to dwindle as they gave me less and less work. They did not give me one raise (even though it was promised and mentioned) in the 1.5 years I worked there. My supervisor changed from one I like to one that was patronizing and did not listen to my communications and input on the clients wishes, even though the client is someone that I have talked to on a regular basis (DH's department chair) . They were not giving me enough work to make it worth my time to even bother with it.

Oh well, it's nice to have that nearly out of my hair.

I won't have to worry about it anymore. Wohoo!

Weight loss is continuing slowly.

[Vanquisher]

March 9, 2007

Today is my sweet baby girl's birthday! She is such a sweetheart. I will miss having a baby. I feel like we have really gotten rid of all the baby things. She is potty trained, sleeps in a twin bed, has real conversations with me, and is full of all the spunk she can muster.

I am trying to get some dishes finished this morning so I have some room in my kitchen to do some birthday baking. I am making a princess cake for her, and I will post photos after it is finished along with pictures of my Alexia.

[Vanquisher]

March 20, 2007



My sweet girl turned 3 on March 9th! Here she is smiling with her cake.

I have been so grouchy lately. Grouchy with my kids, grouchy with Chad. I've been yelling.

We managed to finally get all of our credit card debt consolidated into a lower interest rate loan. Woohoo!! The payments are much more manageable, and as long as we cannot put anything on our credit cards, ever, we will be okay. Moonlighting has been fabulous to say the least.

Weight loss is not happening. I suck. Why after having surgery is this still so hard for me. You all know how down on myself I get. Well, here I am again.

I just feel so alone sometimes. On Sunday night Chad was having dinner with friends in Augusta and I lost it with him on the phone about how he always gets to go out, and I am the one always stuck at home. Most of the time when he is out, granted, it is for journal club and other mandatory functions. Still, why do I always have to be the one at home? Anyway, our friends overheard me losing it on the phone. Dh was nice enough to stay in the room with them so they could overhear me being a basketcase. After that, I called my sister who was shopping for her maternity clothes with my mom 2000+ miles away. I called my friend Dina. They were at dinner with friends. I called my cousin Heath. He was at work.

Loser.

[Vanquisher]

March 26, 2007

I like to share good things - and bad too, don't I know it! But, it is especially nice when you have some good things to write about.

Let's go a member of the family at a time.

Chad - He is still working hard. He is still in Augusta, but this is his last week there, and then he is coming back home! He has been gone for three months, and it has been very difficult. Although he will be on the junior call schedule again, it will be nice to have him here. In July he will be starting his 4th year of residency! I can't honestly believe we have made it this far, and I still love him. He really is such a good husband and father. It's a pity his stupid job likes to try to defile that. Anyway, the start of 4th year signals the start of senior call and a much better schedule. :ra:

Alexia is my doll. She gives me a lot to do, but she is definitely worth it. She adores her big brother. We have been terrible at keeping up with pictures for her, so we had some done of the kids - mostly her.

Here are some pics. http://picasaweb.google.com/MDChad/Prof ... sMarch2007

Ryan has been doing tremendously. He isn't breaking down with the drama as much anymore. He is in baseball right now. It is like a full-time job for me. The time commitment for baseball is absolutely insane!! He does 4 days a week at 2-3 hours a pop. I know, it doesn't seem like a lot, but it is! Sometimes the practices and games go very late into the evening.

He also did a power point presentation and wrote a short story that his ALERT (gifted and talented) teacher is going to use for her national portfolio! I am so proud of him. This was a child who HATED writing, and this was the e-mail I received from her:

Hi, I am sending Ryan's edited copy of his story on Tile by Tile. I
plan to use this and his research power point in my National Boards
portfolio since he is such an excellent - and natural- writer. I love
his dialogue and word choices!

Go Ryan! :ra: :ra: :ra:

Here is a copy if you want to read it.

http://home.sc.rr.com/lamoreaux/Ryans_revised_story.doc


He has also managed to get all A's this year and is the only one in his class to do that. He continues to just do very, very good work, and we are so proud of him!

As for me, I have been working out fairly consistently (go me!), but I haven't lost a lot of weight recently. Poor eating choices are to blame, but at least I am not gaining a ton of weight. I quit my transcription job! WOOOOHOOOO. I am so glad to be done with that, and I am just trying to keep everything else together and on track here. I have water aerobics again today, trainer Wednesday, and so it continues in that pattern. Only 4 more pounds and just over a month for me to make my 30th birthday goal. Dun, dun, dun....

On Friday the 6th, I am driving across the country with my Dad to deliver all my baby things to my sister and see my family. I am excited and nervous all at the same time because it will be a lot of work, but it will be great to see everyone. I will be leaving Friday, April 6th, picking up my dad in Nashville later that afternoon. He is flying in there due to airlines and money and miles and all that. Then, we are driving the rest of the way together and should manage to hit SLC by Sunday night.

I will leave there on Saturday the 14th flying into Raleigh-Durham where Chad will pick us up. Whew. I dread flying with the kids more than driving.

[Vanquisher]

April 3, 2007

60!!!!

[Vanquisher]

April 5, 2007

I went and had my eyebrows waxed today. You people with your judging other peoples brows! Had to be done. Couldn't meet Jenn with bushy brows! Plus, I just wanted a little reward for losing 60 pounds.

After the salon, I went to Ann Taylor which is right next door. Please, someone, please tell me they don't engage in vanity sizing?

I tried on an XL shirt and size 16 pants, and they FIT!!! The size 16 fitted, button-up I tried didn't (stupid boobs).

I cried in the dressing room. I didn't buy anything, because I can't afford it, but it felt so good! I never have to shop at Lane Bryant again! I can shop in a normal store!!!!!

[Vanquisher]

April 22, 2007

I am officially below 200 pounds! Now, I just have to stop myself from pigging out in celebration.




My BMI is now in a range where, not only, am I not morbidly obese anymore. I am not even obese anymore! I am overweight!!!

I made my 30th birthday goal of being below 200 pounds. I did not make the run a 5K one. What was I thinking?

I am healthier than I have been in nearly a decade though. I have a long way to go still to where I feel good or even content about the way that I look. That may include a visit to the pastic surgeon. :huh:

Anyway, for now, I am happy with what I have accomplished.

[Vanquisher]

70!!!!!

I'm wearing my size 16 capris, and they aren't tight in the slightest. Pictures next week.

[Vanquisher]

I would like to know just when the magic number is going to hit when I feel better about the way that I look? Right now, I still feel like I look like a pot bellied pig.

I am wondering if I am ever going to feel good about my body, the way I look and the weight I've lost.

I feel I should be so excited and happy about it, but it seems that most people in my daily life really do not notice, and that makes me sad.



Here is a pic from Saturday night with a few of the other wives in the orthopaedic program. I am literally twice as big as all of them. Literally. Okay, so I know I am taller, but literally, twice as big? I have been doing this in part so I could feel better about the way that I look, and in truth, I was hoping for a little more external praise that I am just not getting.

So, dh did not win resident of the year this year. Who did you might ask? A-hole. You see, the things they value in a resident are exactly what this resident exemplifies. He works 130 hours a week and literally is never home, ever. When I complained to A-hole's wife that this has been an especially taxing month, she quipped, "He's on foot and ankle right? That's what he wants to do, so it's great that he is getting to do so many cases!" WTF? Did you think I care about how many cases my husband gets to do? Because I DO NOT! The fact of the matter remains that my husband gets to spend PLENTY of time at the hospital and minimal time at home. He is doing plenty of cases. What he is not doing is plenty of loving me and fathering his children.

The things I should take solice in:

Both A-hole and my husband are going to graduate this residency and become board certified. It won't matter that my husband is seen as a lesser resident than A-hole.

My kids will like their father and get to know him. His kid barely knows who he is, and I do not see that changing. I married the better man, if not the better resident. F 'em all.

[Vanquisher]

Tomorrow, I am outta here! I am headed out early tomorrow morning for our trip to Utah. My nephew came home from the hospital yesterday, and I am excited that I will get to hold him tomorrow.

Chad will be busy while I am gone - tiling the kitchen. I've left him quite the honey-do list, and I will be thrilled if more than the tiling gets accomplished, but I am not expecting it. He has the 4th off and this weekend off. He is going to have some help, and I hope that translates into him being able to get these things done while we are away. I can already see that I am going to love the senior call schedule. I will post pictures of the newly finished kitchen floor when I get home.

I will have internet access while I am there, but i won't be online as frequently. Places to go, people to see, babies to cuddle, you know.

I have some things to get done before I go, and I am trying to concentrate on getting those done now. Nothing like procrastination. I have laundry going. I am ripping audio books to my mp3 player. I've paid the car taxes. I need to pack. I need to get a birthday present for another nephew. I need to ship a birthday present for a friend's baby (late). I need to pay the Home Owner's Association bill. Why don't I have this bill in my online billpay?? Once every six months doesn't warrant a spot, I guess. I need to make a batch of cookies for my hubby so that he has something to sustain him while I am gone. The oven and fridge will be out of the kitchen, and he will have difficulty cooking and won't go through the trouble. It's the least I can do for a new floor, right? I need to get cash from the ATM, finish the dishes, and take back and renew library books. I also need to go find some mandals. I wore my last pair until one of the soles ripped out.

[Vanquisher]

August 29, 2007

So, I am really horrible at updating this blog, and when I do, it's just an incoherent mess anyway. What are you going to do?

So, it's PGY-4 now. Yahoo?? I hate the thought of wishing my life away, but when will this END?

I do have to report that the hours that Chad is working now as a PGY-4 are FAR and AWAY a vast, major, huge, insanely workable improvement over what he has been the past three years. He is averaging close to 80 hours a week now, and it is pure bliss. 80 hours feels like a whole different world compared to 110. Really, the difference is HUGE. I literally get to see him most nights, and he is here for some of the weekends now. Amazing.

If it weren't for some seriously bad shit that was happening at his work with political messes extraordinaire, I would be feeling positively perky about residency at this point, but as it seems, it is always something. Well, maybe that's a stretch. I don't think I will lightly get over the bitterness that I feel about his last three years, but I do think I could have been in a much better place if it had not been for a few asshats on patrol.

For me, residency has pushed me in ways that I could have never imagined. It has pushed me to deep depression, anger, rage, jealousy, loneliness, sorrow, anxiety, and the stress has nearly been crippling. If it weren't for having to be a mother, I think I would be curled up in the fetal position in the local mental hospital. Then again, would all of the emotions I have felt been there had it not been for the impact residency has had on these two innocent lives? I could have had my own path, making some money out in the world. It certainly would have helped with the financial stress. I do know that in times of great dispair my children have been a comfort to me, but I do not think my dispair would be as deep if I were not hurting for them too.

My marriage, I think, will survive this, if not a little worse for the wear. I have learned some very tough lessons when it comes to being married, and sadly, one of the ones I have learned is that I really can't trust him. Hopefully I will be able to trust him again after this part of our lives is over.

Ryan has been back at school for 1.5 weeks now. He seems to be doing well as always. At least, there have been no reports to the contrary. Not that I get reports. "How was your day?" "Fine." "Did you learn anything new?" "No." "What did you do." "Same stuff." It's like pulling teeth.

Lexi continues to test me in ways that I do not need to be tested right now. I am fragile, doesn't she know that it isn't good for her health to paint the carpet? Thank goodness it all came out. Yes, Suz, if you're reading this, she got into it later that day before I had a chance to move it.

My weight was doing really well, and now not as much. I have been stalled at this weight for a while now. The stress that I have been feeling caused me to lose about 8 pounds in a week, but that's all back now.

I am probably having my hysterectomy this December if we can get the insurance to approve it. My uterus and I have never been chums, and it has served its purpose for me now. It's only pain and suffering that it causes now, and it is time for it to go. I think my mom will be able to come in to help in December. The lack of help has been the only thing that has stopped me from having it up till this point. I need to call the doctor's office and see if I can get on the tenative schedule.

[Vanquisher]

September 1, 2007

We are heading to Bodyworlds in Charlotte today. I hope it's worth the $$$. I always scope out the places to eat, and on our budget, I hope we get a chance to eat at Cabo Fish Tacos. It just sounds good, and I hope it hits the spot. We are meeting some friends who live in Winston-Salem to spend the day with them.

Yesterday, I met ccvqueen from this board. My good friend Kim came over with her kids too, and Kim commented that I might have given Miss ccvqueen some "overwhelming" information. Other than that though, I think it went really well, and she was very nice, and it seems to me that we could be good friends. I hope I didn't scare her too badly about residency...just enough.

I told her that she needs to up her post count so that she could see ALL the perspectives.

Trader Joes today too. How can I not?