Brain Fart

[Phoebe]

This is turning out to be a busy summer. I have been lurking lately with not a lot of time to post.

DH and I celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary two weeks ago. The time has flown by. I have spent some time recently reflecting on the past seven years and how far we have come. We had three children, two out-of-state moves and two jobs changes within that time. I have been pregnant 31% of our marriage. DH and I are in a happy place now and it is fun when we get to have time as a family. We decided for our 10 year we are taking a couples-only trip. I long for the carefree week of our honeymoon before we had to worry about fellowship and kids.



The girls and I took a trip back to my hometown for a weekend a couple weeks ago. The change of scenery was nice and I caught up with some old friends. Besides that, we been hanging out, swimming and attending swimming lessons and gymnastics. I am thankful the swimming lessons are over tomorrow. The girls are really into webkinz and DH keeps bringing them home from work. I have cut him off though. He even bought one for the baby. Speaking of the baby, she is turning 9 months tomorrow. I can't believe she is growing so fast. I am savoring the last few days before she starts crawling.



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In May, my oldest finished preschool. She started out very timid and ended a confident, outgoing girl loving school.

Beginning of preschool 9/2004


Last day of Preschool 5/2007


Our middle daughter is entering preschool next fall and is trying to find her voice and role in the family. I am counting down the days when she gets away from the trying 3s. She is a free spirit when her own sense of humor. She is on a naked streak lately and often I find her running outside unclothed.



I don't have much time to myself these days, but I am going stepford a little bit and decided I needed to consult a personal trainer to lose this baby weight. She has informed me I am doing it all wrong. So that is why the weight isn't coming off. I am thankful for bermuda shorts this summer! I keep running into setbacks and haven't found my way back to a regular exercise routine. I hope this accountability helps.

We are getting excited for our annual trip to SC in a few weeks. The in-laws are accompanying this year which I am not excited about. Luckily, my MIL doesn't like the beach. I will be spending as much time there as possible. The last piece of news is that we can never make things boring. So we have decided to move. Dh seems to be happy in his job now and wants to stay so we are putting our house on the market and looking to buy a house about 3 miles a way. I spent about 10 hours yesterday getting the house in order and we have a few updates to make. Of course DH is working the next 8 days in a row and we have a showing scheduled before our house is officially on the market for next Monday.

We are really excited about this possible move. We love where we are, but the new place has more space in areas our current home doesn't. Hopefully, things will go as planned.

Uh oh.. baby crying. My working never done.

[Phoebe]

My grandfather died this morning. I feel very sad about it. I haven't seen him in years because he lived far away from us. He dealt with heart and lung problems for quite some time. The last few years he had dementia from alcoholism and didn't usually know who anyone was except my grandmother. However, I am remembering him as the playful person he was while I was growing up. I am definitely going to miss him and I hope his is in a more peaceful place now.

[Phoebe]

We're moving! Only down the street. We put our house on the market last Thursday, sign went up Friday and we signed the sales contract this morning. It couldn't have worked out better because the people who are buying our house don't want to move in until October and we need that time to finish the house we are buying. It feels bittersweet. This is our second home and the one where we brought our last two kids and raised our children for the last 4 years. We love it. However it is exciting to think about a new home that we can make our own.

My kids continue to amaze me. I look at them sometimes and get a surreal feeling of how I created, carried and helped raise these wonderful human beings. They look nothing like me, but they are still apart of me and I feel in awe of that sometimes. Sounds corny, I know. And, yes, they still drive me nuts. It has been fun trying to explain Independence Day and that the United States isn't a person having a birthday.

The girls and i went to our town's celebration and parade yesterday. Picture a women carrying one baby in the Bjorn while pushing a second child in a stroller and hanging onto the hand of a third child. I felt like a sideshow in the circus. Tyler was so cute! She cracked me up with her waving and clapping at the parade participants like her sisters. She kept saying Hi and waving. I wish I had videotaped it.

Tyler is crawling now so we are constantly babyproofing and trying to keep Polly Pocket pieces out of her way. She talks earlier than my other kids and is constantly saying hi and "Ella". She is actually closer with my oldest Avery, but Ella is easier to say, I guess. Ella picks on her a lot.

DH is working this whole holiday weekend. His parenting skills go out the window when he is busy and tired because it is just easier to give them what they want which makes my job as the primary caregiver more difficult. It ticks me off and I look like the bad guy. He is writing an article and going to a board review at the end of August so his mind is elsewhere. Although he helps out in a lot, he still says, "I am going to do some stuff at work and then head to the gym. What are you going to do?" Hmm.... I am going to take care of three kids. He is post-call today so has the day off. I haven't been able to curb the resentment that he takes off whenever he wants and does pretty much what he wants and I am never alone unless it is after the kids are asleep. Our babysitting pool is nonexistent this summer.

Happy Independence Day!

[Phoebe]

The girls and I took a day trip yesterday to visit a friend from grad school who was in town from CT visiting her parents. I spent a lot of time at their house during school sort of a home away from home. Our kids played and swam. We had fun catching up. I haven't connected with girlfriends lately or rather adults lately. It is a good feeling! I had fun playing with my kids out of our home environment. It is fun to watch my kids interact with others. My older daughter is timid and takes a while to warm up. She is the one who is hiding behind my legs in the beginning. My middle daughter jumps right in doing things she isn't supposed to be doing (touching stuff and running through the house) and hooks up with the boy her age and starts playing.

While we were there my friend tried to give me a serving dish that she had given her mom who recently passed away. Her rationale was that I am married to a doctor and must entertain more than her. I had to let her know that was a misconception and that we don't even own china or having dining room furniture.

Also last weekend we attended a pool party at one of Avery's friends. Guests were mostly family friends and a few neighbors. A woman approached me and asked if I was the "doctor's wife". I replied, I'm sorry? Are you married to the doctor? Whatever.

I haven't been sleeping well lately and last night I was so tired that I feel asleep at 9pm. I haven't gone to bed that early is forever. The rest felt great. I have to get in a better sleep cycle.

[Phoebe]

This is a vent. So I can go on with this day.

DH works all weekend. His schedule isn't that bad. Call on 7/4, 7/5 off, 7/6 work home by 6pm, 7/7 call at 4pm, 7/8 post call.

This morning he sleeps until 9:30, gets up calls in to sign out when he is going in at 4 anyways, hangs out on internet...

Do you notice a pattern here? No interaction with me or kids. So I decide I am leaving. The kids are sick of me, I am sick of them. I am gone 45 mintues for a run and when I return DH is still on the computer and the kids are playing and watching TV in the living room. I take DD#3 up for a nap and DH tells me that he doesn't appreciate me leaving 5 minutes after he gets up. HA! I am not even going there with this argument. Eventhough his schedule isn't bad, it doesn't leave any down time for me unless I go to the gym with three kids. I refuse to feel bad, but it still makes me mad!

[Phoebe]

It is easy to fall back into old patterns. My vent earlier didn't ward off bickering. We haven't argued in a while, but we know right where to get each other. You know, I sit around all day and eat bon-bons and don't do anything but spend money and he doesn't maximize his time well enough, kind of spat.

It got me thinking that I must be the temperature gauge in this household. If DH gets stressed out, I can guide him through it as long as I maintain my sanity. If I get stressed out, then he gets stressed out. In a perfect world.... If I were a real "Stepford wife" would I be able to get stressed out? I have been very irritable lately. DH is on-call tonight. I am looking forward to the peace and quiet.

[Phoebe]

If anyone is interested, here are a couple photos from our trip. We really had a great time. I so love the beach.

Tyler has this head tilt thing she does when she is trying to be cute. She is cute! at least in my opinion


Striking a pose at swimming lessons




Sky following a thunder shower


At the beach


Infamous MIL




The inspection company is going to reimburse our cost for ruining our food. We found out our home buyers had their realtor bring them into our house during our vacation without our realtor present. Strangers were trapsing through like a museum so they could show their grandparents. It ticks me off so I had the lockbox removed. We move in mid-October. Things are moving fast. I have to pick paint colors, flooring, kitchen cabinets, counter tops and tile within the next week and try to stay within budget. All that is fun, yet stressful! I am glad most of the house was already built before we came along because it has been nervewracking just in this short time.

DD#1 starts kindergarten in three weeks. There is a rumor circulating started by the school secretary that my daughter's class may be bused to another elementary because they only have 14 students. Our school system offers full-day and alternative day and 97 of 125 wanted full-time class. We chose not to send her full-time and may be penalized. The school denies the rumor, but we are still waiting because I refuse to let her be bused to a new school for one year. There are only two full-time spots open now also. As of today, they had not hired the teacher yet either. I dread this school stuff and it hasn't even started yet.

I am trying to commit myself to an exercise routine. It is hard with all the house stuff and the kids, but I need the time and I want to get back to my regular self. The weight isn't coming off this time. Grrr! I am a stress eater lately and have to grab something fast with three other mouths to feed. Tyler is now climbing stairs and I am constantly having to childproof. I forgot about this stage. Chasing kids doesn't help me lose weight.

[Phoebe]

Our cat, Diana died today, very unexpectedly. It appears she may have had a undetected heart condition and stroked out. We are all very sad and the house seems empty. Avery chose her from a shelter about two years ago and named her Diana. She is very upset and both girls are a little confused about the whole death thing. Ella keeps asking when she is coming back. Diana was so tolerant of the girls harassing her and carrying her around and trying to dress her up in clothes. She will be missed.

So DH went to the store to buy "a birthday present" webkinz for Avery since it may not be in stores in the next two months. Next thing I know, each daughter comes home with two webkinz, even for Tyler! One supposedly looked like our cat, Diana.

DH's explanation is that he has been wanting the platypus for a long time or rather wanting the girls to have a platypus for a long time. Tyler got that one. Is there a psychological term for webkinz obsession? DH has it! Maybe a 12-step program is in order. He blames it on the hospital gift shop staff because they keep pulling him in there to show off all the new webkinz. Tyler has 3! I am embarrased to say how many our other girls have.

[Phoebe]

We just got back from Kindergarten Orientation for Avery. There five kindergarten classes. Four of them are all-day every day and one is alternate day/half (ours). Since we aren't paying for the all day program, we are getting shafted. My daughter's class didn't have their teacher hired until yesterday. Her classroom isn't with the other 4 K classes, but on the other side of the school with the 4th graders. The kindergarten rooms all have reading lofts and a nook with play kitchen equipment, a bathroom and cubbies contained within the room. My daughter's classroom doesn't have a loft, a bathroom or cubbies in it. They have to use the same restrooms as the 4th graders and their hooks for coats and backpacks are across the hall and wide open for someone to steal from.

This is a situation where you get what you pay for. Most of the parents, including myself were not happy with the bathroom situation and external cubbies. Needless to say, I will be volunteering in there weekly.

[Phoebe]

"I have been working my ass off since we got back from vacation".

This a quote from DH in response to my nagging him. It's true. He has been very busy at work putting in long hours. They had a census of 70 as of Friday. DH was the admit doc this week. Next week he is on-service again. This is one of those times that I can feel him slipping away to that deep-dark place. We barely speak, he falls asleep on the couch at night and otherwise spends the most time playing Spider Solitaire. I have noticed a gradual withdrawl over the past couple weeks. I have tried addressing it a couple times and he just blows me off and mentions how tired he is.

When times like this hit, I feel bitter about our lifestyle choice and his career choice. I envy the neighbors who go out with other couples, and parents who spend the weekends with their children riding bikes or taking walks. We aren't one of those families. DH did take the kids swimming today because I gave him a guilt trip. He would have rather been holed up in our basement watching golf and snoozing.

He is lifeless, lame and just going through the motions. I find that unacceptable. I have to buck up when I am sick and am required to take care of three kids. One the other hand, I do feel bad for him. We have a lot on our plate right now with the new house. Dh is leaving next week for a board review and he is writing an article right now. I miss my husband! I also don't want our kids to grow up and remember childhood with DH working all the time and not being there to teach them to ride a bike or throw a ball.

Sometimes I hate the medical profession.

[Phoebe]

Weekly recap:

Avery started Kindergarten last week. She went two days and just came home so excited. I am really happy for her because in the past she hasn't been overjoyed about attending school. She came home gushing about her day and how she made two new friends eventhough she doesn't know their names. She refers to one as the girl in the red dress. I was apprehensive about having our neighbor girl also named Avery in the same class, but I think it is going to be fine.

I am the one not handling it very well. Though irrational, I am very bothered that she is riding on the bus with kids and a driver I don't know to be in the care of the schools and adults that I don't know. I don't know anything about her schedule of the day because the teacher was only hired one day before orientation and hadn't acclimated herself yet. I think for the most part it is because I don't feel in control. I used to drive her to preschool, drop her off and have face-to-face contact daily with the teacher. We could call the school at any time and get feedback on how their day was going if they were out of sorts.

The second day of school, I felt very uncomfortable because I took the other kids to the children's museum and I wanted to call the school to say this is where I will be if you need me. That day she came home from school to say that she had gotten lost off the school bus. That is something I didn't need to hear in my state of mind. It didn't seem to phase her.

Overall, I have felt depressed this week. I realized it has been building over several weeks. I am burnt out. I have been a crabby patty for the last few days due to the changes and new schedules. DH and the kids are taking the brunt of it. Dh left for Atlanta yesterday for his board review. He was talking about how small the world of medicine/neonatology with the 6 degrees of separation. I think he is enjoying himself.

Remember I posted about Dh missing awesome tickets to Dave Matthews courtesy of the work? Well, the hospital rep felt so bad because DH has attended a lot of fund raisers for them that they went out and bought two tickets for last nights concert. So my dear friend came down from MI and the two of us enjoyed Dave's show at hospital expense. It was awesome! That band is great live! It was the highlight of my week (excpet maybe seeing my daughter so happy about school).

My baby getting on the bus

[Phoebe]

This is my pity party for myself. Dh has been gone, getting home in a couple of hours, for the past week at a board review course in Atlanta. After this week, I will never take my husband and all he does for granted again.

Week highs and lows:

-Had fabulous time at Dave Matthews concert,
-made it to the gym two twice this week
-house has been a disaster which overwhelms me, but I let it go.
-tried to take three kids to the mall- big mistake
-kids had several playdates which was fun for them, left big messes at home.
-I am supposed to picking out lighting and hardware for the house while not being able to get a daytime babysitter.
-At 4:45 Wednesday night I got a call from the flooring salesperson, our original one quit, to verify our tile and flooing choices for the new house. "Oh by the way, at the end of the discussion, the cabinet guy hung your kitchen cabinets 3/4 inch off the floor instead of 1/2 inch to match your flooring. You have three choices, spend $3600 of your own money to put a luen trim on, put shims under the flooring and have an uneven floor or pick out new 3/4 inch floor". We picked out our flooring a month ago. Oh and the flooring has to be ordered tomorrow morning.

I had to meet the lady at the house that night following soccer practice with three kids in tow to quickly pick out a new hardwood floor. The brillant lady brought her daughter, sharpie markers and canvas bags for the kids to write on while we talked. They went outside with the stuff and ended up writing on my driveway, garage door and the front porch. The front porch is made of this Trex stuff which can't be washed. I just packed up and left leaving the builder to deal with it since his people screwed up and hung the cabinets too high and forced me to pick out new flooring at the last minute so we can stay on schedule.

Thursday I had to wait around for a repairman to install sophet vents in our current house because the original builder never put them in. We found out about this during our inspection. He still hasn't showed up.

Thursday night I was able to get a babysitter and went with a couple friends to a Home show and out to dinner. Drinks were in order.

Friday, I couldn't go anywhere because a dishwasher repair man came to fix our recalled dishwasher and gave me a four hour window. Friday morning, Tyler cut a new tooth and also started running a 102 fever which is still around.

DD#1 had soccer this afternoon and it was pouring all morning so I was able to swap babysitting with a friend so I didn't have to take a sick child and rainphobic 3.5 year old out in the downpour. In the meantime, I was supposed to bring the snack for the team and completely spaced on it. I looked like a total idiot and DD said I should be fired as the team parent.

I just want to crawl under a rock and sleep for a couple days. DD has a friend over and they are making drink concoctions in the kitchen as I type this. I just wanted five minutes to myself. I guess I am not going to get it!

[Phoebe]

We are continually being tested as to how much stress we can handle. Last week was the floors and wrong cabinet height, followed by a virus/teething of our 11 month old. Monday, it became necessary to change preschools at the last minute which is squared away as of today. Last night we found out that DH's mom has stage 1 cervical cancer. She is having surgery next week and DH talked to our Gync/onc friend in Georgia which gave good probably outcomes.

Each of one these things we can handle, but all these things in a row along with starting school and building a house and DH's work schedule are driving me to drink.

I wish I was a kid again!

Jennifer

[Phoebe]

I have just had it! I can't take this shit anymore. We have had a hard week. DH works all weekend. He is supposed to go in for call today at 4pm. They started stalking him last night at 9pm. He knew would want him to work all day today also. They paged him like 5 times this morning and he finally answered. Yep, he needs to work today.

What about time with his kids? They don't give a shit that DH working means more work for me. There is no more money involved. Ten years from now no one will remember that he worked so many hours. The other docs don't care how much he works or that he has small kids at home because they just want to go home themselves. More importantly, they probably would have refused to come in early. I hate that DH is a people pleaser because his family pays. I am pissed at his job, but more pissed at him.

I hate this damn life!

[Phoebe]

DH is on 10th day in a row tomorrow. He got home at 8pm tonight and had to take care of some really sick babies today.

Here is my day:

Wake up to phone call from neighbor wanting to borrow our wagon for their charity walk today. Also can I be available if their dishwasher is delivered while they are on their walk.

Hang out with girls, talk to mom,

12-drag three kids to DD#1 soccer photos
1:30 go to soccer game
3:00 arrive home to very messy house
3:25 take kids over to the neighbor's house so I can meet with the flooring person at our new house.
*We spent hours picking out flooring for our new home. The salesperson quit the next week. Notes are incomplete and we never got a copy of our selections. Enter new salesperson trying to make sense of departed salespersons notes. Verbally confirm tile designs for bathroom over phone. Tile is installed in several areas and we think it isn't what we picked. People blow us off and say tiles have variations. I find the tile sample I know we chose and confirm it is the wrong placement of tiles. This is not the first problem we have had with the flooring.

5:15 Arrive home to DD complaining of stomach ache. I am thinking constipation. By 7:30 both older girls vomiting.
8:00 DH arrives home and we argue because he didn't like the way I handled the flooring meeting. He wants them to rip out everything because of the principle and I like some of the installed tile and don't mind keeping it.
8:30 Put vomiting kids in bed and am willing myself not to catch the bug eventhough I can feel my stomach rumbling. DH has to work another long day tomorrow. Very tired of handling most of our lives myself.