Brain Fart

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

There have been a lot of blog postings in the last two days! I am just catching up. I got hit with the stomach flu on Saturday afternoon. OMG! It sucked! Have you ever been so nauseous that it takes your breath away? Or breathe and it comes out the wrong end? Sorry for the TMI. I thank my lucky stars that DH had Sunday and Monday off. He has been wonderful today taking care of the kids so I can rest. I am very weak and not feeling well, but recovering. I am at least keeping food down.

The house stuff is coming together. We had some rough patches the last couple of weeks, but we are into the home stretch and schedule to close on October 15th. DH is over there right now meeting with the landscaper and said they started painting. It is exciting.

Not much else is going on. Tyler turns 1 yr on Saturday. I can't believe it. We have started talking about having another baby. I thought we had tabled that idea. We'll see.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

All is quiet... Such a beautiful sound. I am feeling back to normal this evening just a little tired. DH is on-call tonight, has to come home, sleep and then leave for Cleveland until Thursday evening and be on-call again on Friday. He is meeting with his old research team to crank out an article. I know he is stressed about having so much going on with work while we have so much going on at home. He had a couple days off last week and I think it was the first time I could actually be sick since having kids. It felt very unnatural for me to see him to be taking care of the kids while I was lying there. I don't know if that means I am a control freak or just have a hard time relaxing and letting others do things for me.

DH is wonderful with the kids. They have so much fun and he has a way of getting through to them that I can't. However, that doesn't always bode well for me because I become a second class citizen when he is around. They crave time with him. I am their rock, but he is their spirit if that makes any sense.

I am a little worried about Ella, our middle daughter. The threes have been a not so pleasant time in our house. She is 4 on next Thursday. She has always had this sense of humor about her even as an infant. However, her idea of funny has taken an unpleasant tone with potty words and defiance. We are hearing things from her preschool such as "strong-willed" and transition problems. She has had some meltdowns in class. I am hoping since this is her third week that she will adjust because this is a new school and the days are longer. We had some of these issues with Avery and most of them are normal. Ella acts out more than her sister did and I feel like it is a reflection of our (my) parenting. I am trying very hard to reign in the inappropriate behavior.

On an interesting note, my mom is thinking about moving to Indiana next year. She could retire from her current job and try to find a job down here. Her parents are deceased and she has two siblings in MI, but other than that she doesn't really have anyone because my brother lives in FL. She isn't really happy in her job anymore and is looking for a change. I think it would be a blessing for her to have more time with her family and grandkids. However, I still worry about the relationship between DH and my mom with them living in the same town. I like the idea of the 60 mile radius rule. I guess we'll see what happens.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

I have the lyrics of the song by Avril Lavigne in my head, "Keep holding on.... I'll make it through, make it through". We are crazy busy and going insane in our house. Or at least I am.

I was planning a catch-up blog last night, but instead spent the evening uploading all my pictures from the hard drive. My friend just had her hard drive crash and lost 5 years worth of family photos which will cost around 1200 dollars to recover if at all possible. Then there was an article in our local paper about data loss being preventable. I took that as a sign that I better make sure I am covered. Plus I haven't printed out pictures in about a year. So will backing up pictures, I was doing laundry, trying to get my daughter to stay in bed and pack. Talk about multi-tasking.

DH was on-call again. He has been on-call a lot lately. Their unit is running a high census and acuity. He won't even see a call room which means he has to sleep all day. Then he starts the rest of the week on-service working probably 12 hours days. All this wouldn't be a big deal, but we are moving in 9 days to our new home. So we are having lots of meetings, inspections and worst of all having to pack. We are packing ourselves to lower the cost since our move is a short distance away. We are so excited about moving, yet it is all hard to do with three hooligans. We were packing on Friday and DD#1 pulled the garage screen door off the hinges, spilled juice all over our packing supplies and DD#3 poured vinegar all over herself and the floor. Dh was about to have a heart attack from the stress. With DH working and attending inspections, I am left to pack when I can.

We had birthday week last week complete with MIL and DH's siblings. MIL is lucky to be alive right now after her visit, but that is for another post. The kids had fun. I will try to post some pictures soon.

I am mentally exhausted from my children. We have all been sick on and off for the last couple weeks. DD#3 is still lingering with a virus and diahhrea. I am arguing with them at every turn. I don't have the patience I should. Plus, I feel like I have let some behaviors go on too long. The ignoring tactic hasn't worked. The kids are sassy (Peggyfromwashstate, I feel your pain) and disrespectful. It is a struggle to get my older daughter to do anything from getting ready for school to going to bed. We are butting heads constantly. If she had her way, she would watch TV all day and play with friends the rest. She doesn't want to go to school, although when she gets there she enjoys it. She finally finished soccer. Never again! DD#2 is emulating DD#1 and they like to gang up on me at bedtime with trying to get out of going to bed. It is driving me insane. This is terrible, but my mom is coming next week to take my three kids to her house for 2.5 days so we can move. I am more excited for us to get a break from each other. I know that is terrible. I just need some time. Even fun activites turn out a disaster because the girls end up fighting or one of them gets mad.

I hope once we transition from the move, attitudes will improve all-around.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Whew! We made it. We moved into our new home almost two weeks ago. I will try to post a photo soon if anyone is interested. I would say we are 80% percent settled. I still can't find certain things. I have a knife sitting next to me because I couldn't locate the scissors. We are late to everything since we moved. Sometimes it is because I can't find something in a box or just because the kids don't want to get out of bed. They have been very trying, persistent and downright sassy lately. I don't feel in control as a parent and the boundaries are definitely skewed right now. It has been putting me in a foul mood. It isn't helping when DH just gives up and let the hooligans have their way. :banghead: I even have my friend telling her kids to call out mine when they are disrespectful to me. Kind of funny, yet kind of sad.

We close on our old house at the end of the week. It will feel wierd to give it up. I cry everytime I enter the empty place. We brought two babies home there. It was our first-real-job house. We thought we were so lucky to have central air after living in a 80 yr old home with no A/C during fellowship. It is a lot different moving a couple miles down the road and a couple states away.

Things have been a little hectic, understandably. I have no desire to unpack anymore boxes or organize anything. Some of our rooms look pretty pathetic. A couple neighbors stopped over with goodies and introduced themselves. We are going to like it here. The kids transitioned pretty well. Avery had her moments and Ella usually models her sister's behavior. The sleeping fairy had to visit on a couple nights to get the nighttime routine on track. We had some sleepless nights in the beginning. That has been the hardest part.

On a fun note, last Saturday night we went to a Halloween party. DH and I have been to a dress-up party together as a couple before. He was Joe Dirt and I was his cheesy pregnant girlfriend. The costumes turned out pretty good for a last minute attempt. I picked out the two ugliest things off Kohls Junior clearance rack. The best part was that I returned them the next day. DH needed to cut out early because he was on-call the next day. I am longing for a girls weekend. I am putting that on my Christmas/Birthday list this year. It needs to be a more regular thing.

Avery lost her first tooth today. She either swallowed it or it fell down the drain while she brushed her teeth. We are writing the tooth fairy a note because she was very upset that she couldn't find it.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

It was a beautiful day today! We spent some time outside and tried to capture the moment.


Our new house

The back


We are surrounded on the side and back by common area so we will never have neighbors there. It is like having a free side and back yard that we don't have to care for.





Girls hanging out








Our pumpkin carving

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Doesn't someone have a blog titled, "This is me complaining"? If not, that should be my title. This afternoon sucked. We had a good morning. The taxi drove Avery to school, stopped by the library to return some videos, impromptly attended a baby storytime that both Ella and Tyler enjoyed. After the library I had an hour to get through Costco and pick up Avery.

Then the day went downhill. I had an hour to get home, unload the car, fix lunch and put the baby to bed before a friend was to come over. It seems like a reasonable feat, right? My least favorite part of the day is arriving home. Unloading the car with groceries, school stuff, library books, the clothes my kids disrobed, coats, purse, etc. Before I can make lunch, I need to put away stuff, change a poopy diaper, get interrupted 50 times by two girls wanting to watch TV or play a computer game. My kitchen is already a mess from breakfast and the dishwasher needs to be emptied. My house is a disaster anyways. Overwhelmed is all I can say. I get lunch done and the baby in bed just in time to start sweeping the floor of nastiness.

The friend arrives to help me figure out window treatments that we can't afford. Beach towels are hanging in the girl's bedrooms to block out the blaring street light. Yes, she is a decorator, but luckily she doesn't charge me an hourly rate. During that time a guy comes over to fix a couple things with our flooring, Avery is having a meltdown for one thing or another. I beg her please go watch TV. When I want her to watch tv, she doesn't want to, when I dont' allow TV it is a problem for her. Constant aggravation is going on with the girls and I am just trying to fold one load of laundry. How is it that they can have so many toys and play with none of them, but constantly ask for everything they see on commercials?

I finally settle them in playing when it is time for gymnastics. A daily problem in our household is that DD#2 carries a stuff baby doll with her everywhere. We can never find it. When she was little, we didn't think to get two of them and now that it is full of holes and faded from pink to white, we have no back-up. Now in a bigger house there are more places to lose it. Today I gave up and left without it because I was tired of looking for it and we were late. Huge mistake. Screaming is all we heard the whole way there. I was able to get her inthe gym and distracted by another teacher long enough to get her in class. She immediately began screaming inthe car afterwards because she wanted McDonalds and we weren't leaving fast enough. No sir, not with that behavior. I began calling the pizza place to have something delivered. This wasn't a day I was going to cook. I couldn't even hear the guy and he tells me that I have my hands full. Ya think? Scrap the pizza. I call DH who just arrived home and said, that he was going to need to make dinner or order something because I had reached my limit with two screaming children.

I grabbed a beer on the way into the house after smashing our pumpkins (in the garbage cans) since tomorrow is trash day. DH looked a little scared. DD#2 always relaxes when DH is around. However, he wasn't happy about the state of the kitchen. Did I mention that I didn't get to the dishwasher? My priority is to get through the day, he can have at the dishes if it makes him feel better. It is one of those things like "what have you been doing all day?". I will just say that DH and I have been missing the mark with each other a lot lately. I feel a lack of support from him. Sometimes he just has to take over no matter how tired he is. He probably thinks he does this. He doesn't to the extent I need right now. I want to know he has my back. Days like today, I really don't think he does. I have no choice but to pick up the slack when he works, but I think he knows I will always be there. Something has to give.

So this play-by-play has turned into a ramble!

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Turkey Day has come and gone. I still feel like it should be Halloween. I am not ready to make Christmas plans. Guess I have no choice.

We had a relaxing Thanksgiving weekend. Almost too relaxing. I am not a sit-around-kind-of-person. My mom visited for the weekend and we enjoyed her visit. DH even commented on how nice it was. He and my mom don't always hit it off. We had pork-loin (I know how unamerican to not have the traditional turkey or ham), mashed potates, stuffing (Heidi, thanks for the great recipe for apple, cranberry and sausage stuffing), rolls and green beans. Lots of carbs! It is really hard to plan a meal with a small number of people, three of which who are picky and may not even eat. DD#2 didn't even sit at the table. She was having a melt-down and DH ended up fixing her a hot dog later. I made this new dessert, a pumpkin roll with cream cheese filling. It was fabulous! I am glad its gone because I shouldn't be eating stuff like that.

We mostly hung out. The weather was pretty grey. I took my mom on a tour of downtown Indy since she had never been and we took the kids to the library. DH isn't included in this mix. I am a little resentful right now with him. He had the weekend off which was a nice change for him. He caught a cold from Tyler. You can imagine illness and the male physician. Can't take any meds and it is the end of the world. I guess I am a little tainted since having two pregnancies with months of 24/7 morning sickness and still having to function.

DH did nothing but sit on the couch for four days straight and watch TV or take naps. Even at this moment, he is asleep. He has to go take call at 4pm today and has been sleeping since the kids and I left this morning at 8:25am. I have no sympathy for a cold. Mostly probably because I get none. I know that isn't very supportive of me. I can take one day of lying around while I do everything else. He is on his fifth. I shouldn't care and just let it go. I am only hurting myself by being angry. I just keep thinking that maybe if you get off your ass and move around you might feel better. I am over the " Whoa is me, everytime I get a day off, I get sick" routine!

That is the update! This weekend we have Daises, gymnastics and on Friday DD#1 and I are going to the High School Musical on Ice show with her Daisy troop. DH gets to babysit post-call. He is thrilled. I offered to get a babysitter, but he refused. I will hear about it on Friday. Blah blah blah! I offered to let him take DD to the show and I would stay home.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

More complaining....

I am tired. The last two days I woke up with migraines. Yesterday I took the last of my medication with no refills left. Yesterday consisted of taking DD#1 to school, going to the gym (begging for a massage, oh all booked? Guess I can walk on the treadmill and pretend to exercise), leave gym and hope to get ahold of DH so I can have him pick up DD from school. No luck so I have 45 minutes to waste. Get a car wash and clear out nasty back of car, pick up DD, stopped at McDonalds for lunch because I have no energy to fix something for 4 people. Rush home, eat, hop in shower, put DD#3 down for nap, take older two girls to Girl Scout outing at an indoor bouncing house place, come home meet curtain lady (we have beach towels as window coverings) while DH takes older girls to gymnastics, throw some dinner together as two tired little girls return home. Eat dinner, give baths, do homework and put kids to bed. I fell into bed after a long day of no rest and headaches. I had to keep moving or I would feel worse. Summary: NO TIME TO ASK FOR REFILL FOR RX!

This morning.. wake up with migraine. Have to get three kids ready for school while DH watches TV in bed. Didn't preapre anything the night before because of bad headache. Call my PCP to get a refill on migraine RX. They take 48 hours to refill. Ask DH for him to be my Dr. He complains that I don't have my Rx info and that I should have planned ahead yesterday knowing I was out of meds. So I say forget it and call my own dr. Running late for kid's school so when I go to get dressed. DH loads the car and takes off with the kids without even telling me. GRRRRR. I guess that was his wierd way of being helpful. By now I am really ticked at him for not helping me when I ask. I rarely ask for his help on anything. That is why I resent him because when I do need help he complains, but will bend over backwards for other people like my SIL who he hates. I told him if we were just dating that I would break-up with him. I went to volunteer at DD's school and had lunch with DH. He tries to make up for his bad attitude this morning by brinign me my meds. He leaves for work at 3:30 and tells me we have a house guest tonight, his coworker who stays over when he is on back-up call. I am not happy about having a guest I don't know when DH isn't home and I don't have time to get the guest room clean. DH knows I don't like the short notice, but just continues to do so thinking it is no big deal. Oh well, tomorrow night I am leaving him post-call with the younger two.

On an exciting note, DD#1 read her first book last night. It was so neat to see her so excited by her accomplishment. It warms my heart!

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

One daughter is in her room screaming "Mommy" facing consequences for back talk and not listening. Another daughter was awakened by older daughter so she is in her room crying to get out of bed. The last daughter is in the next room screaming "Mommy" to bug her older sister and because I told her to turn off the TV.

Do I really have to get up? Is it really 9 more days until DH has a day off? Will I last?

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Let's see.....

My DD is so excited to be reading her second book. They are simple, but very rewarding for her. I am giddy and proud. DH is working a long stretch with no days off. He is off this weekend and we will be getting our tree. I am trying to decorate for Xmas, but not really motivated. The kids take up so much time, but more so, I have been getting migraines for over a week straight. The only day I didn't was after drinking a beer the night before. Maybe I should make that a daily ritual. Besides the migraines, I have been having daily headaches for several months now and I am over it. I went to see my PCP today to see about managing these headaches. He gave me some more meds for migraines and is starting me on an anti-seizure med that has been successful for preventative treatment of migraines.

There are two issues with this medication. One is people tend to lose weight. Hmmm.... finally a side effect I can live with! I'll take it. Baby weight is over a year old and not going anywhere. The second side effect that is mostly seen during the three week build up to the dosage is a fuzzy brain. The brain slows down so most people feel like "their brain is wrapped in warm towel". I am a little scared as I already have "mommy brain". I hope I can remember how to walk. A friend of mine is on that med and says it works well.

I think I am freaking insane. Ok, I know I am. I have been trying to teach DH some communication principles about the right way to talk to your wife using the standard of how one speaks to coworkers. If you wouldn't speak to your coworkers that way, most likely you shouldn't speak to your wife that way. I pulled a role reversal on him tonight and I think he got the message.

The reason I am insane is because we have decided to invite DH's family here for a family Christmas. I know his brothers won't be coming so it would just leave his parents. Why did I agree to this? DH's dad hasn't felt very well lately and DH rarely sees his family on holidays. We'll see how it plays out. If his family doesn't come here, we may have to make a trip to TN. What would be much worse!

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

I don't really know what my problem is lately. In the last few weeks, I have felt a downward slide in my mood and affect. Everything is becoming a domino effect where I am overwhelmed or not motivated to get anything done. I am trying to pull my bootstraps up by connecting with more people via telephone or in person because I do feel isolated. DH is working a lot right now and he is pretty much off in his own world. I am annoyed at him for that. I feel annoyed at him that we are very different in temprament (although it isn't his fault) and we clash in how we would like to spend our time. He had a co worker crash here the other night because of work and they sat and watched TV. I swear DH would die if he went a day without TV. From the minute he gets home and after the kids are in bed he vegs in front of the tube or plays spider solitaire. Even if we go out to dinner, he wants to go somewhere and eat in the bar so he can drink a beer and watch sports. Just thinking about it is pissing me off. If I were more understanding, I would realize that is how he decompresses. However, I feel that it interferes with interaction with the kids and I. We went out a couple times socially with our builder and his wife. The guy just called and mentioned getting together. DH can't stand him now because he didn't finish our punch list in a way that pleased DH. I think who cares, the guy is really nice and it would be great to make some more friends. I like DH when we are out with other people because he is more outgoing and talkative than at home.

I do feel depressed and I can't really pinpoint why. There seem to be a myraid of reasons. Much of it can be attributed to DH's job. It is a rollercoaster with the hours everchanging. This profession just drains DH and therefore drains our family. I know it won't end and I can handle it, I feel burnt out on mothering. I have gotten more babysitters for time to myself, but it isn't enough just to hit Target or the mall alone. I feel like I need more in my life. We haven't been to church in over a year and I would like to start going again. It is daunting taking three kids to church by myself. DH goes when he is off but we haven't been consistent since Tyler was born. I would actually like to try a new church and ours is a little dry. I would like to go somewhere else that offers more programs and ours is a little old school. However, DH doesn't want to change. I may start going somewhere new after the new year. I have to find something more for myself.

Most of all, I am just outnumbered with the three kids. I know lots of people handle mor than three much better than I handle mine. I feel like a crappy mother not doing more for my kids or teaching them more. Lately, I haven't had the energy with my daily headaches. I am hoping today is just a bad day and that tomorrow I will feel better.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

I was planning a happy blog post! I have been getting in the Christmas spirit the past few days. I have begun baking. We have snow on the ground. I have most of the shopping done. DH has had a couple days off. I whipped off an obnoxious holiday letter. I am on a roll. We got a tree today and will decorate tonight. I have been working out regularly. So things are good.

I got a phone call from my brother today. We don't speak often, but we love each other. He was checking in about gifts for my girls. He mentioned that he is spending Christmas with my grandmother, dad, dad's wife and dad's in-laws. This really makes me sad. I haven't spoken to my dad in almost three years. There isn't a specific reason except for a long history of baggage. Ryan, my brother, says I know you guys are having problems. I feel like this is total BS because we aren't having problems other than my dad being a chicken shit to contact me and be apart of my family's life. Whatever. Anyway, I am sad. I miss my family. Divorce really sucks. My parents have been divorced 15 years, but I think at this particular moment it bothers me more than it ever has. I will be spending Christmas here in Indiana with my family and my mother and my brother will be in Florida with my dad and grandmother. I am going to remember this feeling when I am all wrapped up in everything and make more of an effort to be in touch with my family and people who mean the most to me. That is what the holidays are all about.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Forget what I said about family. We invited DH's family for a get-together the weekend before Christmas. The in-laws said they were in. SIL called today with the wrong date and said it wouldn't work for them. Not that they were bummed they couldn't make it. The younger brother phoned tonight and said he wasn't coming because this was the first holiday for his wife without her father. He also said DH's parents weren't coming. What? Why are we the last to know? DH and I got in a whopper fight like we always do when family is involved because I am mad his parents couldn't call and tell us they weren't coming. As far as they know, we still think they are coming. DH doesn't care what his family does, he still stands behind them. For his brothers, the in-law families are much more important which is odd to me because they were all close growing up and there wasn't dysfunction or rifts until people started getting married.

My parents are split so my family doesn't really get together anyway. I would like to give my children the great holiday traditions with get togethers I remember as a kid. Guess it won't happen.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

I have the song, "Angels We Have Heard On High" in my head right now. DH is on-call tonight. I don't mind it, except for putting the kids to bed. It takes forever. I actually bribed them. I suck as a parent. I know. I told them the first person to fall asleep got $2 (as much money as I have in my wallet). I also have Santa on speed dial. He is currently keeping DD#2 in line. I know some don't believe in that, but hey it works for us in the next week. She is a big challenge. If anyone has any ideas how to keep a 4 yr old quiet right before bedtime let me know. This afternoon, I put up the rest of our Christmas decorations in the living room which consisted of the mantle a large real garland (only 17 bucks at Costco) and lots of clean up. I am pleased how it turned out though. The girls were very good and even played outside for awhile. We enjoyed ourselves this evening. Dinner was waffles. Literally, Ella gets down from the table and says Watch, mom! She starts running in circles and screaming. I gave each of older girls a job to do so I could clean up before their bath. If I am not right with this chicky she is running up and down the halls screaming like a banshee. She didn't even nap today either. Her voice is one octave too high.

Last week was Ella's preschool Christmas play. They picked what they wanted to be. She chose a shepard.

However, when the class came in, she was dressed as an angel. Last minute costume change. Just like Ella.

DH's coworker had a party with Santa. Ella stole the show being so enthralled by him. Avery was shy and Tyler just screamed.

Decorating the tree in our dining where there is no dining room furniture.





Playing outside after the snowfall this weekend

Ella's snowman the next morning after 30 to 40 MPH winds

Our helpful big sister, Avery. She is such a joy lately. She is so good with Tyler and Ella. I couldn't have asked for a greater child. Tyler keeps asking to go outside and actually says "outside", but once we get out there she isn't having it with the snow gear.


I am in my second week of taking this daily medication for migraines. I hope it works. I have been getting them daily since last Wednesday. I have been chugging water the last two days and I think it is helping. I didn't get one today so I hope I am over the hump. DH's parents aren't visiting us for the holidays. We even offered to visit them the weekend before xmas. Are we desperate or what? They told us not to come. DH is post-call on Friday anyway. We don't understand why their family doesn't want to get together for the holidays. So again, it will be just my mom and our immediate family like it was on Thanksgiving. I want some company, conversation and people to entertain. Even if it is my in-laws. DH is off the week of Christmas and works the week of New Years.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

For the record... I retract my complaining about Dh's family not wanting to get together for the holidays. I do wish we had more family around, but if they were coming I would be bitching about MIL and SIL so I will stop. I am also secretly happy we didn't have to shlep three kids on an 8 hour car ride. I was just trying to make DH feel better for not having any family around for the holidays.