Brain Fart

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Longtime, no updates..... I think I am still reeling from the holidays and trying to get back on track. No that anything was extraordinary about them. We just stayed home. I wish I had pics to upload along with my blog. I have a video and some photos I meant to post, but I haven't gotten around to getting them on the computer yet. Right now, I have a friends two sons here playing with my older girls. I am trying to steal some time on the computer, but it sure is hard to concentrate with the screaming coming from our basement. I got them setting up an obstacle course. We have all girly toys so the boys get bored easily with the dolls and dress-up clothes.
A few minutes ago they were having a food fight with our plastic food.

I had a birthday a week ago. I don't want to reveal my age because I feel so old! This is the first year that I say my age and cringe. I don't feel as old as I am so I am not worried about it. It is just a number. I have a funny story about my husband and my gift from him. He had to work the entire week of New Years but we did manage to go out to dinner. I always tell him I want a cake for my birthday. We were too full to get dessert that night and he hadn't had a chance to get me a card or anything on the actual day. He stopped at the store and I joked at him about a cake. He is all about sales so he brought home a bunch of frozen lean cuisine meals and said here is your "diet food". Oh.... you brought me diet food instead of a cake? Do you think I need to lose weight? (He knows I am trying to get my body back after 3 kids). He mumbled something about not getting my gift yet. The next night he came home with an entire cheesecake from the Cheese Cake Factory! My husband is trying so hard. Gotta love him!

Last weekend I had a mom's weekend. I went to my hometown alone to a reunion of my old gymnastics club. It was a great weekend. I hung out with my two close highschool/college girlfriends, went shopping and to lunch with my mom and met up with some old gymnastics buddies. After this I have decided to definitely schedule more personal time for my husband and myself. He did really well with the kids. My in-laws came to supposedly help DH. DH said it was nice to have adults around, but they weren't much help, especially my MIL. Kuddos to DH. He is much more hands on than even he thought. It ticks me off about MIL. DH said he was waiting on her like she was one of the kids. She knew she was coming to help DH with the kids and she just sat on her ass the whole time and complained how cold it was in the ouse. DH even had to prepare meals. I don't know why I expected more out of her.

Tyler is now walking everywhere and demanding "more" and "mine". She loves the phones and calls it the "hello". She knows how to open our lever door handles so no one is safe in the bathroom.

Ella had her first friend birthday party she attended and thinks it was fabulous. I am very excited that the baby that she has had to carry with her everywhere can now stay in the car because we spend a large portion of the day looking for it in the house.

Avery is so much fun with the things that she is doing now. She is so much more even-tempered than she used to be which I really appreciate. Her sisters really look up to her. She just started on a gymnastics pre-team which kind of freaks me out, but she seems to love it (after only one day).

OH yea..... We are still on the fence about having another child. We have actually talked about this in front of the kids. DD#1 doesn't want one because she doesn't want to share a room. DD#2 wants a brother. DH and I both think it would be nice to have another one running around. However, there are so many reasons why we wouldn't, as well. How do you know when you are really done? It is already chaos around here! I have already given all the baby stuff away.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Is there an emoticon for control freak? Because I can be one. I never realized it before. I am not really a Type A personality. People tell me I have an easy-going temprament. When it comes to my kids, I want to be in control. It makes me anxious if I am not in charge. I don't trust people. Do I think I am the best parent around? No way. Do I think my way is the best way? No way. I am not sure why I need to be the one in control, if it is a protectiveness thing. Do I sound crazy? When I left this weekend, I wanted everything wrapped up in a little box with a bow. Lists and food choices and everything in order so it can work smoothly. Part of that was so DH would have an easier time with the kids and getting them to their activities.

The control issues are not about what they wear, I want them to be safe. I attribute my worries to me being with them all the time. When I am with them it feels foreign, almost unnatural if I am going somewhere alone. I feel naked. This instince feels somewhat irrational because it goes against the grain of the rest of my personality. This feeling surfaced when I was supposed to go back to work and put my daughter in full-time daycare across the street from where DH and I worked. Both of us liked the place, but I just couldn't leave my daughter. So I quit and we went into debt at the end of DH's fellowship. I never planned on being a SAHM. I don't know if I am a particularly good one, but I certainly try. I didn't want my daughter to ride the bus. My friend is letting her daughter go on a school trip to Greece. I don't think my daughters will be doing that unless I am the chaperone. At least I say that now. I don't want my kids watching certain shows and my friends laugh at me, but they still say bad words like poopy head and stupid. Don't get me wrong, my kids aren't totally sheltered or living under rocks. They do things I don't want them to do and have more things than I want them to have. Grandma came this weekend and brought them each three wrapped presents. Ella asked if it was Christmas again. I said it is Christmas whenever Grandma comes. Talk about buying love.

So I admit I am a control freak and I never realized it before. I don't really know if it is working though. All three kids wouldn't go to sleep until 9:45pm. As of tonight, my oldest said she likes daddy better than me. My middle says that only daddy can kiss and hug her. Daddy let them eat popsicles in my bed and watch TV until they fell asleep while I was gone this weekend. So much for control! No wonder I am the bad guy!

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Have I ever told anyone how much I despise bedtime in our house? I would rather walk over hot coals nightly than put my children to bed. How terrible is that? How poor of a mother am I? The main reason I loathe bedtime is because it is long and drawn out. It is a little after 8 tonight and two are in bed. That is because I started at 6:30 with bath time. I am with these children all day until 7pm. DH comes in sometime before then and has his downtime normally. I don't mind a short amount of downtime. I am ready for these kids to hit the hay. Last night it was almost 10 before they were finally asleep. DH and I aren't exactly on the same page when it comes to bedtime routine. We usually split up and each take a child. Luckily, I get the easy one, the older one. We can't get the middle daughter to stay in bed short of tying her to the bedframe or putting a chain lock on her door. Punishments and rewards don't really work. She won't stay in bed unless she is about to fall asleep. She is defiant and screams if DH doesn't say goodnight to her 10 times. He gives in. I am not that tolerant. It stresses me out!

DD#1 just came down and I told her she had to pay me a quarter for everytime she got out of bed. I am out of tricks! Taking suggestions.

ETA: DH went up to DD#1 because she was screaming Dadddddyyyy like she was in agony. What do they want? I spent 45 minutes in her room practicing handstands and cartwheels, doing her homework, reading books and cuddling. Then DH comes in and spends a few minutes with her. The same goes for DD#2. DH and I would like some time. We are being "softies" as my friend would say.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

ROTD:

Why is it everytime DH gets a light week at week, he gets sick or becomes an invalid? I am not exaggerating. Every so often in the schedule is a gift. An office week where you usually don't have call or aren't on-service. This week is on of those weeks. DH does have meetings everyday. During those weeks, DH always get a cold and becomes the world's biggest baby. Or this week, his bulging disk flares up. He was just bending over. He can't move without major pain.

I understand his pain. I do feel sorry for him. But I feel sorry for us! There is never down time for this family. Everything falls back onto me. He gets to take a three hour nap in the afternoon while I have all three kids at home. He gets to lay in bed while I am taking three kids to gymnastics and listening to the 4 yr old scream because she demands to buckle her own seat belt, eventhough she can't do it. Laying around isn't prescribed and made it worse, then he is crabby around everyone because it hurts.

He doesn't freaking take care of himself the way he should and we have to pay for it. I shouldn't get mad at him, but this happens all the time. Ok rant over.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Shame on me! I am a terrible wife and not-so-good mom. Why would I resent my husband for being hurt? He is supposed to keep moving for his back. He tried. He did too much. Today was so bad that he couldn't even dress himself. He can't sit, he can't stand. We had a full schedule today including an adult night out. We were both looking forward to it. I had to cancel everything and demand to drive DH to his PT appt. Granted I want to slap him because he is first off being difficult thinking he should do everything himself and second being an a-hole because he is in so much pain. I feel terrible thinking I had no sympathy for him earlier in the week and not let him rest enough. I suk!

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Friday- Part #2

DH's called his PCP who is a sportsmed doc so to see about getting some steroids for his back. They never phoned back about the meds and I have to run out to the store so I called back about the Rx and left a message for the nurse stating that Dh may not have conveyed his true condition. The nurse phoned back stating not only were they getting the meds the PT recommended that he needed some real painkillers. We were laughing that DH told the nurse he was fine. Yeah, if you call not being able to dress yourself fine.

I am excited because I finally got a 2008 calendar. It took me a couple weeks because whenever I was out, I would forget or if I would remember and be at Target they didn't have any. I tried to get one at Walmart and the selection was very lame. If you are into NASCAR, John Deere, Family Guy, or Hunting they have a calendar for you! Now I can get organized! I have been driving myself crazy. Also all the calendars in the mall were only $4! It is really about all the little things isn't it?

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

My day kind of sucked. I had lots of ups and downs. Maybe thats how most days are with children. I had some very aggravating moments with DD#2 and some sweet moments as well. Sometimes I feel like I am dealing with a bipolar individual. I think that is part of her emotional development. I was reading this book tonight about a 4 year old by Jamie Lee Curtis. It is really cute. Ella had me read it twice. It compared a little girl being 4 yrs old and how she had grown up to being a baby. I used that as a jumping off point to explain some of the Ella's inapprioriate behaviors. I could see the wheels turning in her head. I hope she starts to understand that she doesn't need to do things like scream. We've been having a lot fun with the girls playing board games with DH being home and immoble. His doctor said he needed to stay home from work tomorrow as well. Ugh. I am so ready for him to go back to work.

Also today, I got a speeding ticket. My first ticket in over 10 years. I am just a little pissed. To put the nail in the coffin for my crummy day, I just found out tonight while trying to put the kid's to bed that our neighborhood is being redistricted to a new school next fall. There is a lot of growth in our area and overcrowding in the schools. The way they proposed the redistricting was way out of the blue and not expected. We expected our old neighborhood which is in the same school boundaries to move (which we weren't happy about either) and our new neighborhood was spoken of moving. The old neighborhood moved 5 times in 9 years. I am very upset because all of my daughter's friends and her daisy troop are remaining at the old school. The principal is an ass and is retiring which meant staying there would be all the better. We are familiar with that school. The only upside is that the new school is very good and my daughter's best friend from preschool goes there.

DH thinks I am "making a mountain out of a mole hill" because he had to change schools several times as a child due to family moves. Our daughter will adjust, but I can still be bummed about it. She wasn't asleep yet and overheard my friend calling me with the news. This school stuff stresses me out!

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart



I am getting on my cheerleader uniform ready to hit the single parenting circuit again. Wait I have been on that road all week. DH had a call week. He was post-call getting home at 11am when he is supposed to get off at 8am. DD#1 goes to school at noon so we headed out and on to the gym in time for her to get off the school bus, have a late lunch, frost some cupcakes for the girl scout Valentine Party, put DD#3 down for a nap and shower before heading off to the girl scout meeting. The elapsed time was about an hour. DD and DH were both still asleep when we got home at 6pm. DH claims he is sick and asks if he is warm. We all have colds. I am thinking he got about 7 hours of sleep before he finally graced us with his presence to help with bedtime and eat some chicken soup. Starting tomorrow he works the next 7 days in a row.

I have felt down in the dumps lately. I have kind of equated it to sitting at a table with a tornado swirling all around me. I am overwhelmed. The winter/cabin fever could be getting to me. I just don't feel up to caring for everyone right now. I know, I have no choice. I pull up my bootstraps and get it done. Call me the world's worst mom. Because I feel like it. My oldest isn't overscheduled. She has two activities outside of school. One is once a week and the other is twice a month. However, with school, you have a book to read and words to study and a calendar of daily activites to work on. It really isn't that much but when your overwhelmed it seem like a lot. I know... wait until they get older.

My middle child, well she just drains me. I love her, but I really don't like her lately. She has been very defiant in general, lately it is worse and it is directed mostly at me. I've decided to go back to my counselor to get my head on straight and figure out how to deal with my life.

I am hanging out on the boards because my DH who supposedly couldn't sleep in our bed anymore found his way up there tonight and is hogging the TV as I type. I was looking forward to watching my recorded shows and relaxing.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Its official we are being ousted from our elementary school for a new one. Our school district is moving less than 500 kids to combat overcrowding. They choose to do a short-term move to shift the least number of kids possible which means another move in a couple years from now. It is insane. I experienced my first school board meeting this week. Woo who!

I think I need to get a life. DD#1 is doing a unit in school about community helpers. They have to pick a parent's job and bring something in for show and tell to help explain the job. DD wanted to talk about my job. Then when we started talking about it, she decided I was too boring. At night, the girls would rather have DH put them to bed than me. Mostly, they want him because he is very playful while I am very boring in hopes they will fall asleep. He has been teaching them the names of the bones and counts the bones in the spinal cord. DD said, "dad is so cool. He knows all the body parts. Mom you are blank". So.... I am boring... I have nothing to offer! I can't compete! To top it off, DD#2 wants Dh and I to go away and come back when we can be nice. She doesn't like me because I always tell her no and make her put her clothes away. She's only 4! What happened to the kids to don't want to be without their mom?

Does this mean my kids are getting more independent or that I suck at my job.

Tyler is turning into a little stinker. She makes me laugh, but knows how to push the buttons by repeatedly doing things like climbing on the kitchen table. She is picking up phrases, like "mine" and "stop it". Her favorite thing is to shake her head no and say mmm mmm. Whatever question you ask her, she answers the same thing. It is hilarious.

Tomorrow is DH's birthday. He is on-call so we'll celebrate later in the week.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

I am officially falling apart. Last week, I fell down the stairs in our garage because they were wet from the girls playing in the snow. Sunday was a beautiful day here. I took it upon myself to get my butt in gear for this 1/2 marathon I am supposed to run in May. I sprained my ankle and gashed my knee while on a run. Yes, I am a klutz. Today I came down with the flu that include cold symptoms, chills and diahhrea. Hobbling up and down stairs hasn't been easy, now I am throwing the toilet into the mix.

I managed to get DD#2 to preschool and DD#3 down for a nap so I can rest for a couple hours in bed. I am dreading the time drawing near to pick up Dd#2 at school and rush back for DD#1's school bus in the freezing rain and wind. I am already wearing several layers. DH is on service this week. However, he is so wonderful. He just called and said that he is leaving work to pick up Ella at preschool and bring her home so I don't have to leave the house. Sometimes I gotta love that man!

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

We are in vacationland with the in-laws. I haven't had internet since we arrived until today. I am going nuts. No one to talk to except MIL. That is like talking to myself. It actually hasn't been too bad, except the way to my MIL's heart is through food consumption. She is constantly pressuring us to eat, and eat more. She is offended if you eat normal proportions. The ILs are really enjoying the kids and vice-versa. I have been running daily trying to gear my sprained ankle up for this race I am supposed to run in a month. We have been sleeping in and relaxing. The weather in TN is better than IN. We are having a good time.

MIL is behaving herself. MIL has only made a couple comments so far in the areas of child-rearing and our lifestyle choices where I wanted to slap her, but I just said that she was entitled to her opinion. My drama-queen SIL and BIL found out they are having a little girl which we are very excited about. However, my MIL wanted them to have another boy. Apparently, MIL didn't want any of her daughter-in-laws to have girls because she had three sons and a miscarriage. To this day, she still wants another child eventhough she is 64 yrs old. Since she didn't have a daughter, no one else should have one either. That is what she told me. I don't think she realized who she was talking to at first and then she shut right up since I have three daughters. Six out of nine grandchildren are girls.

My SIL, an only-only (only child and grandchild), has always felt that the other siblings were put before her husband and herself. My husband is supposedly the golden-child and our kids the favorite, according to her. She also told her husband that she "knows" the my ILs call us every Monday. My BIL tells his parents this information which is total BS. They never call our house because we never answer. DH calls them on the weekends or on his drive home from work. The woman doesn't understand what it is like to have siblings. She brings disdain to the whole family. She really irks me!

Tyler is so funny! DH taught her how to say "Hi, Stinky!" Nice manners my spouse has. But it is funny to hear.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

In the last two weeks, we have been in TN, MI and IL. It was nice to be away from our routines for awhile! Here are a couple photos of the girls rockclimbing at my in-laws.





After our trip to TN, we were home for a couple days. We took a trip to our zoo where they have a shark petting exhibit and a dolphin show. DD#2 is the brave one.



We did some shopping on our trips. I am not a fan of Crocs at leat for myself. An outlet store near us has a croc store. I couldn't get over the cutest little sizes of them and had to get a pair for DD#3. I have to brag and say how cute I think she is. She is obsessed with horses!



On Wednesday, I left with the girls to head to my mom's place in MI. We hung out for a couple of days in cold rainy weather. I took the older girls to Horton Hears A Who. DD#2 fell asleep and DD#1 freaked out after the show when the lights went out. They liked the movie though. Friday morning, I left with three other girlfriends and drove to Chicago for a girl's weekend. We met up with another college friend who flew in from MS. Her hubby is a Air Force lifer in the JAG. They keep saying they are getting out, but they don't. He was almost deployed, but now he is the head lawyer on base. We had a jam-packed weekend with no downtime. My friend's brother and SIL just built a three story home complete with an elevator in Lincoln Park. Wowza. We all brought our sleeping bags and had no idea there was a grandparent's suite and a guest room. They are the most generous people. They invited us to come back every year. We want to make a habit of it. I haven't seen a couple of the girls for 5 years.



After seeing my friends and catching up, it has occured to me. My family needs to take more weekend getaways and we need more socializing. DH's cousins live in our town and we have never gotten together with them. I also realized how much we all have issues. One of my friends is having real marital problems and none of us knew. It seems more and more like most people are truly happy. It had made me take a hard look at what I do have and be more thankful.

Another topic we discussed at length was working vs staying-at-home. A couple of us are stay-at-home moms, and the rest of the women worked. I have been in a rut lately with being at home and although, I don't think I am ready to begin working again with such young children, I need more to focus on. I need to decide if I should volunteer somewhere or get more involved in the schools somehow. I haven't worked in six years and I don't have a real career to return to. I don't even know what kind of job I would get. I don't really want to work as a school aide or in the cafeteria like a couple of my friends, although the schedule is nice. I think the time away would make me a better mother and happier overall. Something to ponder....

Tomorrow is tax day and we still don't have our taxes completed by DH's friend. We sent them to him 6 weeks ago. I am a little ticked. DH is on-call tomorrow. I don't know what is going to happen. I also don't know what to think about DH and his job. The morale is low within his group. DH is talking about change and throwing around some ideas. I am not sure if he is serious of just venting. I guess we'll have to see how things play out. That is kind of why I want to give him some focus outside of work.

Saturday is national scrapbooking day. A friend is hosting a get-together at her home. I haven't scrapbooked in over a year, but I would love to go. DH is post-call so I can't ask him to stay with the kids. I also feel guilt spending money on a sitter after I just went away for the weekend. How do you find opportunities to do things besides once in a blue moon? Today, DH watched the kids at various times for a total 2.5 hours while I went running and ran the older ones to gymnastics and went to the store. He acted like he spent the entire day with them. He is good with them, but it just isn't as easy for me to take off as it is for him. I really need more time away for myself. I would like the same for him.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

I have to brag. I am very excited for DD (and me). I had a conference for DD at her kindergarten enrichment program today. The teacher showed me all her progress she has made since Sept and it was very fun to see. She talked about how well she is doing academically. She also touched on how well-mannered she is and how nice she is to the other kids and that she knows it is because DH and I are very good parents. I had to tell her that DD is more mild-mannered/tempered than DH and I. DD#1 is such a helpful, caring little girl and sometimes I wonder how she turned out that way during stretches of stressful times and early years of medical training and lots of changes for our family. Something good came out of all of this and I am so proud of her.

OMG! My daughter is only in kindergarten! This week is nuts! Monday was practice for the Daisies trying out for the school Variety show and gymnastics for both girls. Tuesday was the auditions for the school variety show. Today is tree planting for Daisies, meeting with landscapers and DH's friend staying over tonight. Tomorrow I am watching a friends son,volunteer at DD's school and do a long run for this race and DH is transport call for 24 hours. Friday I am watching another friends daughter and Saturday DD#2 has a birthday party, we have a confirmation party (which I think we will skip), Dh has to work and DD#1 has an outing with her Daisy troop at a waterpark hotel where I have to pay a babysitter and $20/person at the waterpark. Sunday Dh has to work. I am Daisied out!

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

I heart Etsy and wish I had one crafty cell in my body.