Brain Fart

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Strange turn of events leading to an impulsive decision..

I signed up for a 1/2 marathon race last winter which was today as a way to lose weight and try to do something for myself. The last time I had done this race was 2005. Some circumstances (an injury, lack of motivation in training and a crappy winter of weather and illnesses) left me waffling of whether to do the race at all, run the 5k or wing it even until this week. I have not trained much for this race with my top mileage at 7 miles about a month ago. My heart hasn't been in it, but I don't like giving up. A few weeks ago a birthday party invitation arrives for our nephew in Chicago for a party on 5/3. DH decides to RSVP to the party without my knowledge or consent that we will attend and leave on Saturday of my race. He is willing to take the kids by himself since my in-laws will be there and stay in a hotel with a swimming pool. BIG RED FLAG! So my decision is made. I will run the 5k and go with them. The most stressful part of the whole situation is preparing everyone to go and DH shows up and gets in the car.

Long story short, DD#1 gets sick yesterday with a stomach ache and gets sick right after I leave for the race, DH calls me to let me know the trip is cancelled. I am bummed because I left too late for the start of the 1/2 marathon. The 5k started an hour later. As I am getting to the corrals, I notice my 1/2 marathon group has not yet crossed the start line so I hopped the fence and ended up running the entire race. No one knew I was running except me and a nurse who works with DH that I ran into. I had no expectations of myself except to finish. My time was really crappy, but I feel good for the first time in a long time doing something completely for myself. DH said the other day I am his rock. I feel like I can be a rock for my family, but I want to accomplish a personal goal. Now if I could just learn how to be crafty like those Etsy people. One can dream.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

I haven't been very good about writing lately have I? I have been mentally updating this blog frequently. The words never made it from my brain to the keypad. The summer must be about half over. I tried uploading a video, but the format is wrong and I lost my camera at the end of May (somewhere in the house). So far we've been hanging out. The younger girls had summer school in June. Avery had a week at Girl Scout camp with her Brownie Troop which included an overnight. I think I was more scared than her. We have had some playdates, trips to the park, and swimming lessons. The kids have been missing our old neighborhood with lots of playmates around since our new neighborhood is smaller. I am their playmate. They are keeping me on my toes and wearing me out!

I have felt like we are back in medical training again lately with the hours DH has been putting in. I took the kids to a pool party last night by myself. Tyler has no depth perception and thought she should swim while I was undressing. I swear that girl thinks she is at least 5. When not freaking me out, she is cracking me up with her observations of the world and how quickly she picks things up. She is refusing her highchair, climbs in the car by herself, but sits in her sister's booster seat. She is still obsessed with her binky though.

Wednesday is the dreaded trip. I really want to stay home. I usually do the right thing. This once I want to do the wrong thing and stay home. I want DH to take the kids and go. However, I feel like I am abandoning my children by doing so. Not going would come back to haunt me somehow. I feel burned out lately. I need a break. This trip is not a break. DH and I are not seeing eye-to-eye on a lot of things. That coupled with DH's current work schedule of not seeing the kids for days and barely having time to speak to me, leads me to understand how marriages can go terribly wrong.

DD#1 has recently started speech therapy for a mild delay of her tongue placement on some sounds. It has also been brought to our attention that she may have a mild receptive communication delay. Auditory is her weakness and she learns best through movement. That girl is constantly moving, but she is not ADD. We're not really sure what to do with this news. So far, it hasn't impaired her performance in school.

In DH's absence, we have been making cookies, ice cream, painting the driveway, taking walks and riding bikes. My mom offered to take the girls to her house after the trip to my ILs for a couple days. She has vacation time and wants to see the kids and it would give me a break. DH doesn't want the kids to leave since it is his time off. He said I could take off somewhere. I would feel less guilty having my mom watch the kids, then I could be home and get some stuff done, like organize my scrapbook stuff. We'll see!

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Yeah. Summer is here. Finally some summer-like temps. This weeks is VBS. The kids are having a great time. Avery is having her first official sleepover tonight. I am a little nervous about how it will go. She is very excited and wanted to clean the house all day and make it sparkly. That lasted about 5 minutes.

I've been in a funk lately. It started before the trip to my in-laws which went fine, BTW. I met an imsner and probably came off as a total flake. The kids had a great time as they always do. DD#3 was jumping off the side of my in-laws pool by herself. She is too big for her britches! I would post some photos, but my card reader isn't working. It may have been struck my lighting along with our thermostat switch. Maybe it just quit working.

Half of my funk I am attributing to DH and I not hitting if off lately. I hold grudges in my true capricorn form, but as soon and I let on go, another disagreement ensues. I hope the rough patch passes quickly. It sucks. Apparently, I am treated like a princess who can have whatever she wants and do whatever she wants. Thats why I shop at Target and Costco! I should start getting regular pedicures then! What I really want is someone who actually communicates and acts respectfully.

Another reason for my Debbie-downer attitude is being overwhelmed with my kids. DD#1 went from having mild speech delay to being recommended for ADD testing. I spoke with our ped yesterday and she was very supportive. DH is against the testing and I am unsure. I don't want to ignore it if it is there. Our ped made no qualms about her dislike for our school district. DD#2 wants to change her name and wants to copy her older sister is everything she does. Talk about an identity crisis. DD#3 may have hip dysplasia or one leg longer than the other one as brought up my DH. This is the first time he has ever been concerned about anything medically with our children. He waited several months to bring it up with me. :banghead: Hopefully it is just a case of too much information. We are sneaking in for x-rays tomorrow.

We have an abundance of playdates set up lately which is lots of fun for the kids. Next week we are going to MI with my mom for a couple days. We are also starting to gear up for school which sounds ridiculous. School starts 8/12 for dD#1. We are shopping for a backpack, etc. I am hoping the school places her in an appropriate classroom for her auditory processing stuff. I am debating on an IEP.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Lord help me! Drama, drama drama! My girls at 6.5 and 4.5 years of age are dramatic! Whining, crying and screaming. "I want Daddy!" I want daddy, too. I want him home to take care of these knuckleheads. I just don't have a lot of tolerance for the histrionics. Maybe that makes me a bad mom. Screaming over a skirt that is in the dryer isn't necessary IMHO. I am wearing gym shorts and a t-shirt today with yesterday's makeup so you are barking up the wrong tree, sister.

My oldest has been displaying seperation anxiety lately. She doesn't want to go anywhere. It is driving me nuts. I have lost my patience with it. I have tried sympathizing, empathizing and following her lead. I am out of ideas. When I ask her why she is feeling this way, she says she won't know anybody or comes up with some random answer like our cat dying two years ago. I am not sure if she can articulate exactly what is causes her not wanting to leave my side.

I think it is because she will be starting a new school next week due to district redistricting. She started freaking out about that tonight. I have tried talking to her about it in several different ways that her feelings are normal and many kids feel similar. We have gone over and over who she already knows going to the new school. I have shown her the teacher's web pages, but she is adamant that she is not going. I asked her what she was going to do if she wasn't in school when everyone else was and her sister would be in preschool. I offered to be her teacher That got shot down very quickly. She will acclimate in time. I am just sad for her.

My middle daughter needs lots of structure or she turns our house upside down. I am not exactly a structured person. Sometimes I feel like I suck as a parent. It is hard to do by myself, especially when all three of them are screaming at once like tonight at bedtime. I should have just screamed with them. Next week should be better DH doesnt' have a 90 hour work week.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

Flooded basement that insurance company tried to deny over the phone- check
sick child-check
DH thinking he needs to work extra on day off and then go on "work-related" golf outing on other day off-check
visitors for weekend-check (TG not MIL)

Never a dull moment at our house!

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

The basement is dry. We are awaiting the insurance company to come and meet with our contractor and the clean-up people to assess the damage and pricing tomorrow. A new development over the weekend. We were out at a park on Saturday am with our visitors and Tyler went down the slide her sister and got her croc caught under her body and it twisted somehow (DH saw it and has been haunted by it ever since) I was at the top of the slide. Her tibia has a spiral fracture. She has been a real trooper. She is amazing. Her leg will be casted tomorrow or Tuesday. Does it ever end?

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

I finally got a new card reader so I want to get some photos up when I get a chance. But for now I have to say I am running on fumes. Another 80 hour work week this week. Next week is 6 days which will be 60 to 70 hours over Labor Day weekend. We are trying to get our basement back to together which should be completed early this week. I was grounded at home with two nutty kids waiting for the workers to finish. While the trim guys were here, we had the trim guys build a mantle over our fireplace in the kitchen and a bench in our mudroom. The painter comes on Tuesday.

Tyler is doing awesome with her cast, but has become very clingy and not sleeping through the night. My first grader is very emotional and clingy. I drove her the second day to school in my pjs and had to walk her to her class because she wouldn't get on the bus. She is adjusting now. Her teacher is fab. They actually have a math test next week. Clinginess is draining to mommy. They are having a reunion picnic for the NICU this afternoon. DH just called. They are letting him off for an hour so he can go since he is director of transport and they are unveiling their new ambulance at the event. He wants us to go. Luckily, the park is only a couple miles down the street from our house. Food and bounce houses should entice the kids. Anything to entertain and pass the time in our day! We can't swim because Tyler couldn't have a waterproof cast. Bummer since it is humid and 90 degrees.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

My husband doesn't freaking get it! I need to send him back to psych 101! I am raving mad right now. We have struggled to be on the same page with parenting. It isn't that hard. haha Do it my way! His logic... you are terribly behaved at the store? Ok, I'll buy you the toy you are begging for. You are whining for a later bedtime, "Ok, its easier to give in". I am the opposite. I am the mean parent. I am "ruining" my 6 year old's life on a regular basis. I have rules. I have consequences and stick to them. They don't like me most of the time.

Bedtime sucks in our house. Neither DH and I are fans. We have a routine, but the kids take advantage and prolong the night. We need more downtime. Again, I am not the favored bedtime companion because I am boring. I suggested a streamlined plan that put us both on the same page and made it fair for both older girls. Dh agreed, presented it to the girls and it was implemented tonight. Dd#1 immediately pitched a fit because it wasn't her night with daddy. We agreed to alternate with each girl while in the past we would kind of each spend time with both of them taking forever. I told her she got me or no one and under no circumstances would daddy be laying with her tonight. She finally calmed down and went to bed nicely. What does my husband do? You guessed it! He went in and undid our plan and undermined what I said and reinforced her tantrum. I have no authority in this house. The crappy thing is that he doesn't even understand or care what he did wrong. He will just think I am complaining. Jackass. What really gets my goat is that he does this regularly and then proceeds to wonder why our kids aren't behaving. He doesn't discipline them at all and undoes my efforts.

[Phoebe]

Re: Brain Fart

I am saddened tonight for a couple reasons. The state of the medical field. We all know it is in disaray. Tonight I found out the mother of a childhood friend of mine passed away this week, unexpectedly. It shouldn't have happened. They found early stages of cancer, performed surgery, she was recovering and then negligence part of the hospital. Hospitals are understaffed, employees are overworked and some are probably undertrained to handle some of their patients. This woman should be alive today. I am very sad for my friend's family. Then there is Heidi. It just breaks my heart this crap goes on when you pour your life and soul in to years of training. It isn't right. I know I should be counting my blessings right now. I will start tomorrow.

As of today, I am officially married to a mini-van driver. Yes, my husband bought a mini-van. I should feel proud of him I guess because he chose a reliable family car for a post-training vehicle instead of something sporty. I don't know if that makes him more sexy or not. I told him I am not driving it. I am sticking to my gas hog. The kids love it and i think that is why he wanted it. It feels like we hit a milestone. When we moved to Indiana post-training, we had one car because our 1989 Camry with 159,000 miles wouldn't have made it across state lines from Ohio so we donated it to charity. We were so excited when we got here too buy our first new car, a Jetta. DH has driven that car for the past 5 years and it now has every latch broken and only 40,000 miles on it which makes it a good trade in. We can't fit all three kids in it and so when the battery died in it earlier this week, Dh decided it was time to let it go for good.

I finally got a camera so next time, I will post some pictures. Quick updates... Avery has settled in to school very nicely and has made a lot of friends. She recently knocked our socks off at her gymnastics show which she tells us is her "passion". Ella continues to push the limits but we have found a new ways to positively encourage her. It seems to be working. Tyler is growing to fast and I can't believe how much she knows. We have conversations. Sometimes I look at my kids and I am truly amazed.