How did you decide to have more?

[moonlight]

Jane, I had my first at 31 and I have PCOS. We did have to use fertility drugs with the first but got surprisingly pregnant on our own with #2. Because you know you'll be more prepared then most.

I'm also in the PCOS camp. I didn't use fertility drugs, but was about 4 months away from scheduling the appointment to get them. We 'sort of' tried for 17 months and really tried to make it happen the last 11 months of that time.

[moonlight]

I wasn't interested in having kids and DH wasn't committal either but he has gone very baby-crazy over the last few years as our friends (his friends, who are mine - but I have a lot of single friends which he doesn't) have had children and dropped us like hot rocks.

I think he would love to have - no, I KNOW he would love to have - a houseful of kids, but I can't do that. And I can't deliver a baby now anyway due to my back surgery (it may be possible but I'm not willing to risk having to go through the hell of spinal fusion again) so we are looking at adopting.

In all honesty I'd like two. I feel like children the way I feel about dogs - may as well have two because once they're fully social creatures (vice baby stage which to me is not really social), they can entertain each other. Plus we both grew up with sibs so that relationship is important and valuable. So we're hoping for a two-fer that aren't too old and crazy from being ignored in an orphanage for too many months.

I just wanted to give you a virtual hug and wish you and your hubby the best of luck in the adoption process!

[Thirteen]

Lily, I'm excited for you. I know you'll be a great mom! Here's for a two-fer for you!

Sidenote: Today, the man who said "I don't know if I can do this again" a few weeks ago, tells me he wants "10 more, so he can have his team."
Whatever. I am not having 11 children just so you can have a soccer team Maybe we will go for 3... who knows.

[v-girl]

We hope to adopt 4 after our kids are older. But I'm praying for siblings -- that we could get 4 in one. And the minimum age would be 4 (potty trained, sleeping through the night). Our magic number is 8 for the total. 4 bio, 4 gifts.

[Chrisada]

I want two more biological children once these little ones are in school and DH is OUT of residency. We also plan on adopting an elementary aged minority male through foster care. I've actually talked to DH about this again recently and he told me that we could adopt now if I wanted to. I'm just not sure if I'm quite ready yet.

[houseelf]

FWIW, one of the most common conversations I have with women on the not so sunny side of thirty is that they wished they had more kids.

I think responsible birth control, family planning, relational and financial stability, and career achievement is so hammered into us at some point we need to be reminded to put that aside and just go for it.

[v-girl]

That is so true. I was talking to another dance mom last week. She has two and a high-level job. She reminded me to enjoy my wild boy and not to wait too long if I really wanted more. She speaks from experience. She said she was waiting until her job was secure. And now she's 40 and battling breast cancer. So sad. No, I'm not going to wait until we have a bigger house. I'm hoping to wait until we have a minivan, but if we get a surprise I won't mind.

[DCJenn]

More power to you guys. I can't handle adding a goldfish to the mix right now.

J.

[Auspicious]

but if we get a surprise I won't mind.

I think "How would I feel if I had a surprise pregnancy tomorrow?" is a great question to ask yourself. That one helped me a lot when I was deciding when to start trying for my first.

I've also heard you should ask yourself if it feels like someone is missing, but I don't know, that one isn't quite as helpful to me. I also ask myself, having passed the AMA threshold now, "If someone told me for sure that it was now or never for another child, which would I choose?" So far the answer is still never. I'd rather have two kids I enjoy than three that I don't. (I don't feel any doubt that I would fully love a third child, but I think it would be possible to hate my day-to-day life under the wrong circumstances.) I think "functioning at capacity" is an apt phrase. I'm still at capacity right now, but I'm open to the idea that if we were less broke, and had at least one in school, and didn't have an 18-month-old, I might not be at capacity anymore. I'm amazed at how many her seem to find these teen months an easing-up point--they're the peak of insanity here. At least it was the peak for Cora; I pray it's the peak for Hazel, because that kid is a hazard!

As it is I'm still on the fence. We're moving all our baby stuff to SC with us, but I'm leaning toward being done lately.

More power to you guys. I can't handle adding a goldfish to the mix right now.

I know--I wonder if the fact that none of the go-for-it arguments sway me off the fence is evidence that I really am done.

[MrsK]

I have a 17 mo, I'm expecting a second baby any day, and I'm newly unemployed. Yesterday I had lunch with a friend who volunteers in the NICU. She was telling me about a newborn who was abandoned there and who has very minimal issues due to prematurity. I had to restrain myself from volunteering to adopt him. I was feeling that "empty arms" yearning for that baby.

[Ladybug122]

We have two. Until about 6 months ago, we expected to have one more, but honestly, that desire is dwindling by the day. Very surprising to both of us (especially me), because we always thought 3 (or 4) kids would be nice. Our kids are 5yrs and 18months and I feel content with that. Who knows? Maybe in the future the thought of another will seem more appealing, but as of right now, I have NO desire. It also doesn't help that my little one is very demanding and needy. Especially clingy towards me, so I am sure that has something to do with how I feel right now. We'll see what happens.

[Tenacious_D]

We have two. Until about 6 months ago, we expected to have one more, but honestly, that desire is dwindling by the day. .

. This is us. I always thought I wanted 3-4 and with boys being 22 months apart, I am tired and think we can be really happy with the two and I like that it's a one to one ratio. Granted I may feel very different in 3 years when the kids are sleeping better and not as clingy....I hope

[MDPhDWife]

We've been on the fence for years about whether to have a third. When I stopped working though, it seemed financially impossible to even consider another kid. For the last 6-7 months though, my baby fever has been pretty fierce. In the past it would always pass within a few weeks. The longest it had ever lasted before this was when our youngest started Kindergarten, but that was only a month or two.

When I first met DH I was a divorced mom with a 15 month old and since he was the youngest of four, he was sure he wanted 4 kids. He bonded immediately with my DD and his family always treated her as their own. I had such a horrendous pregnancy the first time around that I wasn't looking forward to repeating it. Seeing what a wonderful hands on father DH was with my DD though, convinced me to go for it. To my surprise, my second pregnancy went much smoother. Then time just seemed to pass and neither of us ever had baby fever that was more than fleeting. Until the last several months. Now DH thinks I'm nuts to want to go back to the baby/toddler phase because our DD's are at such easy golden ages (7 in a couple of days & just turned 10). Because he's enjoyed and had the time to be a very hands on dad, he doesn't want to add another baby during residency when he knows he won't have the same time to devote to the new baby. He also worries about changing the family dynamic that already works pretty well. So we're at somewhat of an impasse. Lately though as we're getting closer to moving away from both our families, the baby fever is easing as I consider the reality of raising a baby w/o DH around much and w/o family support. I just wish I knew DD2 was our last when we had her. I sometimes wish I had embraced the stages more instead of just trudding through them.

[MrsK]

I told DrK about the abandoned NICU baby last night and he confessed to having the same impulse I had. Good thing K2 is arriving soon.

[houseelf]

no reason you can't improvise a twin for K2. I'm just saying...