Parenting pet peeves

[GreyhoundsRUs]

What are things that other people do around/to your kids that drive you batty?

My two are talking baby talk/using DD's versions of words back to her and telling DD that she "can't/won't" re: trying new things or new foods. ("You can't press that, it's too hard", etc, not "You can't stick your finger in the electrical outlet )

[MrsK]

Offering my kids toys or sweets without asking me first or asking me IN FRONT OF THE KIDS whether it's okay. Also, when I order milk for my kids, don't ask, "You mean chocolate milk, right?"

[Thirteen]

"Decaf?" (While pregnant or nursing)
Unsolicited snacks are also a problem - he can't have wheat.
"If you wear him, he'll walk late/be spoiled/never learn to be independent."
"He needs to go to preschool, so he can know how to play with other kids."


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[Ladybug]

LOL. I thought you were going ask what my kids did to annoy me. My answer, peeling off dirty socks and leaving them on the floor exactly where they peeled them off their sweaty feet. This means I pick up at least 8 funky, rolled up socks each day. I want to pitch them all into the fireplace, but it might be hazardous. There is nothing another person could say that would annoy me more than these socks. Ever.

[SoonerTexan]

"She still has a binky?"

"She still is nursing?"

"She isn't in preschool?"

She's freakin 15 months old! (At the time)

I swear some of the women around here are overly anxious to push their kids out of babyhood as fast as possible.

[PrincessFiona]

My biggest pet peeves (sorry folks, I do truly love you guys) is parents who get their knickers in a twist about every darned thing.

I've done everything on this list without meaning to offend. For the most part, it's just because I don't know someone terribly well and I'm trying to make conversation or .... I know someone a little better and am STILL just trying to make conversation.

I'll be honest. All of the 'feedback' around here has simply fed my social anxiety. NOTHING is safe to say to another human being without having to worry about how they're contorting their brains to get bent out of shape!!!!

1. I use baby talk. I can't help it. Keep in mind, I'm the baby bump whisperer. I see a baby or little one and I'm all baby talk. Oh well. It's just how I relate to little ones.
2. I've had awkward moments where I am going to give my child a juice box or cookie and then in an attempt to be polite I start to offer one to the other child/stop myself/ask mom right there in front of this child fully aware that I've just made a big social no-no. After the children leave our earshot, I say "I'm so sorry. I was trying to be polite but I screwed that up." If a mom doesn't apologize to you, my guess is she was trying to be fair and polite and screwed it up either knowingly or unknowingly.

3. I said "let me get you a decaf" to a pregnant mom at the graduation party for the school I work at just a couple of weeks ago without being asked. Fortunately, she was grateful ... or maybe she went back to the table and was miffed that I assumed she was drinking decaf during her pregnancy instead of thinking "that mom is trying to nurture me by trying to take care of my needs."

4. I don't comment on binky status or breastfeeding because I breastfed Alex until he was 3 1/2. No, that's not true. I have actually said "oh, are you still nursing him/her" without meaning judgment. Frankly, I don't care. I ask ALL THE TIME about whether or not a child is going to preschool or mom's day out. It's just freakin' conversation, people. That's it. I also worked at a Montessori preschool that took kids at 2.5 years but has an association with an infant Montessori school. One *might* think your kids go to 'preschool' (another way to say daycare, btw, that makes less of a negative value statement) because you work. If I meet someone who works, I might very easily say "oh, does she go to preschool?" even if she is 15 mo. old. I'm endorsing your choice to work and place your child in daycare but am letting you know that I in no way judge your choice to work outside of the home and not care for your child yourself. That's it. I don't think to myself "wow, some women around here are overly anxious to push their kids out of the nest (by sending them to inhome daycare) as fast as possible". That would be terrible if I judged that choice.

My biggest pet peeve is that there are so many pet peeves and that this list will go on for pages about who says what/does what etc. when the truth is that most of us are just trying to make a connection, find common ground, and make conversation. I'm sure if you're honest with yourselves you will find that you say or do things sometimes to just make conversation or try to connect with someone that might fall flat. Also, how would you feel if someone judged you for not using baby talk, for ignoring your child if they brought extra snacks and didn't offer them, or for judging your choice to either work outside of the home or not work outside of the home. Where is the compassion for others?

Why can't anyone think "How lovely that this person wanted to talk to my sweet child" "Wasn't it kind that she wanted to share with my child." "How nice that she sat and talked with me at the playground and seems to want to get to know me better."

[HouseofWool]

I'm gonna go with the dirty sock litter the house and DD's shoes everywhere because she has to change them 17 times a day.

[Thirteen]

Kris - the decaf comment was from a judgy, male Starbucks barista who daily gave me a disapproving look when I would order my Americano. Daily.

The snacks? I have a mom that I work out with who is constantly asking if DS can just "have one bite and be a regular kid." There's a difference between people not knowing/meaning well, and parents who do know and think I'm just on some dietary kick to be holier-than-thou.

You are not even close to either of those two people - fear not!


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[MrsK]

I am going to give my child a juice box or cookie and then in an attempt to be polite I start to offer one to the other child/stop myself/ask mom right there in front of this child fully aware that I've just made a big social no-no. After the children leave our earshot, I say "I'm so sorry. I was trying to be polite but I screwed that up." If a mom doesn't apologize to you, my guess is she was trying to be fair and polite and screwed it up either knowingly or unknowingly.

In the case I was referring to, it's rarely another mom or a friend. It's usually a waiter, other service professional, or a total stranger. The bank teller who offers my kid a lollypop when he's already collected lolly pops from the dry cleaner, cashier at the grocery, barber, letter carrier, etc. It's one thing for the guy who cuts my son's hair to reward him with a lolly pop. It's another for every person he meets in a day or some weirdo at Wal-Mart giving my son candy. Or, it's the waiter hoping to pad the bill (and his tip) who comes to the table and asks my son if he wants ice cream knowing full well that the child will beg and make a scene which the server hopes will force mom and dad to buy dessert. Also, often in resturants, you sit at the table and they give your infant something like wikisticks or another inappropriate tiny toy that the baby is going to try to eat because it's on his plate. I don't mind people talking to my children and I encourage my children to be friendly; we enjoy those interactions. I just get upset when people's actions undermine my efforts to keep my children safe.

[MrsK]

BTW, my complaint is specific to sweets and inappropriate toys. I don't mind at all if the bank teller gives my children stickers or if resturant servers bring crayons to the table. It's just very awkward when I have to step in and say that my child cannot have another lolly pop or he's not getting ice cream after someone has enticed him. In most cases, I try to just take the lolly pop myself and put it in my purse for later with a "thank you" but then there are people who will unwrap it for the kid and practically feed it to him.

[MrsK]

BTW, my complaint is specific to sweets and inappropriate toys. I don't mind at all if the bank teller gives my children stickers or if resturant servers bring crayons to the table. It's just very awkward when I have to step in and say that my child cannot have another lolly pop or he's not getting ice cream after someone has enticed him. In most cases, I try to just take the lolly pop myself and put it in my purse for later with a "thank you" but then there are people who will unwrap it for the kid and practically feed it to him.

Another thing that makes me nuts. . . when resturant servers put hot drinks or sharp knives directly in front of the baby. They should just know better.

[diggitydot]

My only annoyances are pretty specific to my own extended family members. Strangers don't really bug me when they interact with the kids because I think they mostly mean well. And even if they don't, I don't give a shit. But our kids are older and past most of the listed pitfalls.

My family likes to insert themselves into the situation whenever I'm correcting one of our kids. No, grandmama or aunt K -- you don't get to negate my parenting because it gives you a sad. "Your kids are so well behaved, just give them a break. You should see MY kids!" Yeah, sis -- I know we have decent kids. It's not in spite of our parenting. And I've seen your rotten little shits. Methinks you should STFU with the parenting talk.

[SoonerTexan]

I don't comment on binky status or breastfeeding because I breastfed Alex until he was 3 1/2. No, that's not true. I have actually said "oh, are you still nursing him/her" without meaning judgment. Frankly, I don't care. I ask ALL THE TIME about whether or not a child is going to preschool or mom's day out. It's just freakin' conversation, people. That's it. I also worked at a Montessori preschool that took kids at 2.5 years but has an association with an infant Montessori school. One *might* think your kids go to 'preschool' (another way to say daycare, btw, that makes less of a negative value statement) because you work. If I meet someone who works, I might very easily say "oh, does she go to preschool?" even if she is 15 mo. old. I'm endorsing your choice to work and place your child in daycare but am letting you know that I in no way judge your choice to work outside of the home and not care for your child yourself. That's it. I don't think to myself "wow, some women around here are overly anxious to push their kids out of the nest (by sending them to inhome daycare) as fast as possible". That would be terrible if I judged that choice.

Oh, they know. It's the same two people from playgroup that I meet with almost weekly and know my kid's childcare situation, etc very well. I wouldn't care if it were a stranger or someone I didn't know well, but they have heard why I have V watching N (and why I love her!), why I was still BF, and why I didn't think she needed to get rid of the binky yet more than once through our casual conversations.

The "preschool" comments stem from that fact that she is in in-home childcare--I've gotten it from other people too. There is always an unspoken assumption that it is inferior. Obviously they have no idea how much love and interaction N gets. My favorite is having to explain why I wont do half-day, etc. preschool until she is 3. Because my life isn't complicated enough without figuring out how to get a kid to a 9-2pm program while I'm halfway across the city working from 9-5 and/or paying for "double" childcare to get someone to take her.

My decision to wean N was primarily dictated by the fact that I wanted to get pregnant and didn't want to continue nursing her during that time AND it simply was getting annoying, but the subtle comments didn't help. I cant say I regret weaning her at 16 months, but the comments didn't help.

Maybe I could be reading too much into it, but I don't think I am. These comments were always preceded or followed by "My child is going to preschool" or "We got rid of the binky. I don't want my kid to be the one with the pacifier in her mouth at 2" or "I haven't nursed him/her in months."

[diggitydot]

Their comments are more about themselves than you. A lot of peeps feel the need to justify their own parenting choices and aren't mature enough to realize that there are multiple routes that will get kiddos to adulthood.

Fuck them. They don't matter.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

My biggest pet peeves (sorry folks, I do truly love you guys) is parents who get their knickers in a twist about every darned thing.

I've done everything on this list without meaning to offend. For the most part, it's just because I don't know someone terribly well and I'm trying to make conversation or .... I know someone a little better and am STILL just trying to make conversation.

My pet peeves are really only directed at people who spend a lot of time with my kid(s) - I really could care less about/be offended by what happens during a brief, one-time encounter. They're my pet peeves because they stem from a lack of following my example/cues. If I'm with you for 4 days, you would pick up on the fact that I "correct" DD when she said "why" for water