Parenting pet peeves

[peggyfromwastate]

As the kids get older, the less energy I have to care one way or the other. I was having a convo the other day with a crazy TaeKwonDo mom the other day and she was just going on and on and crossing all sorts if lines... And I didn't care one way or the other. It really didn't bother me. I just do not have energy anymore!!!



The things my kids do that annoys me--- sheesh that list is looooong.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

My only annoyances are pretty specific to my own extended family members. Strangers don't really bug me when they interact with the kids because I think they mostly mean well. And even if they don't, I don't give a shit

This

[spotty_dog]

I'll be honest. All of the 'feedback' around here has simply fed my social anxiety. NOTHING is safe to say to another human being without having to worry about how they're contorting their brains to get bent out of shape!!!!

Kris, I think of you so often when I interact with other parents. I can't begin to say how grateful I am that you call us on our little rants and assumptions around here! #1, you have helped me to let go of my own anxiety about being misconstrued...I guess it's being INTJ-ish, but I always either pre-analyze ("I want to tell her that she's looking great pregnant, but maybe she'll think I'm saying she looks fat!") or post-analyze ("Holy shit did I just tell that person she's old, and the whole room laughed at me?!") But then I just think, Kris would say what she meant from a place of good intentions, and that would be that. So I speak kindly to the pregnant lady (and fuck 'er if she wants to cling to the need to assume she's being insulted!) and I let my stupid comment to the preschool lecturer slide without fretting (I know for darned sure she is a compassionate person who will recognize I meant nothing mean.)

And #2, you've helped me to let other people's comments roll off -- or more importantly, to look to the intention. High powered career ladies who aren't sure how to interact with me have said, "So, do you...LIKE being a housewife? I'd get so BORED," and they've totally had a condescending attitude and it comes off as an insult. I shrug my shoulders, roll my eyes inwardly, and respond kindly and sincerely. But a new friend who's going stir-crazy (and freaking out about money) after 6 weeks of enforced medical leave, asked me "Do you really like being a housewife? It's just been so tough for me, I'm really looking forward to going back to work, and kind of getting bored just being at home!" And because I know she is super kind I don't even begin to look for the hidden insult, but I share my experience as honestly as I can.

So, "I wanna be, I wanna be, like Kris! If I could be like Kris!!"

100% dead serious here.

That said, I'm pretty sure that every peeve that has been reported here has legitimately been an interaction that did NOT come from a place of kindness and sincerity, but of bullheadedness and uncaring. Sometimes we just gotta rant about this kind of...what can I call it...aggressive cluelessness.

[v-girl]

Most comments don't get to me. The ones that do are usually way over the line. "Why are you homeschooling your kids? How can you stand to be with them all day? Send them to school and give yourself a break!" My response was "I like being around my kids and I don't want to send them to school."

[SoonerTexan]

Kris, unless you a completely different person than the person I met and the person you are in here, you are not these people. Seriously.

That being said, it is good to think about it from a different angle. Sometimes there are particular instances where you just KNOW where and why the comment is coming from and that just drives me batty.

[moonlight]

My pet peeve is that all parents aren't nearly as cool as each of you. I was in a really crappy mom's group when I first became a mom and it was painful because the mom's were so judgmental and didn't seem to like each other or want to get to know anyone. To this day I don't understand why they would invite strangers into their home for play dates and mom's nights with NO interest in talking with me or anyone new. I'm so mad that I tried over and over to be friends with them for nearly a year of my life!!

The second mom's group I joined was started up by someone that clearly didn't like me. I tried for months to be nice and support her. It was like doing this: for months and months while getting no where. Despite her distane for me, ALL of the other moms in that second group were Amazing women!! All of them but her. She moved away and it solved all my problems. They turned into my fav group to hang with during residency. I'm really going to miss them.

[Sheherezade]

I'm with Kris and Peggy. Maybe it's having older kids but I just don't get worked up over many comments anymore. Maybe by the time you've for teens you've already realized we are all screwing up something and doing something right. It's hard to judge. But yeah, these threads also ramp up my social anxiety too.

Not sure if it qualifies as a pet peeve because it mostly reflects my own insecurities, but I hate it when someone implies my kids don't do enough activities outside of school. Because I kind if think that too but haven't been able to ever solve it.....

[moonlight]

Oh I'll add another and I'm sure you have someone in your life that does this. Every single thing their child does DAILY that is above and beyond development stage is photographed and posted about on FB with detail. I'm not talking about the occasional cool thing your preschooler has said or done. I actually love those posts <hello, mrk and ST!>

I'm so sick of it I could scream! One of my best friends does it and it drives me batty and I still love her dearly. I have a child with delays and it just bugs the hell out of me. I've never told anyone about these little frustrations of mine. My own mother told me a few weeks ago during a random chat <insert the most sarcastic tone you can imagine> "well, doesn't she have the smartest most talented child that has ever lived on planet Earth?" Gotta love Mom because she goes right for the kill "I get so sick of reading that shit." I know its just me being sensitive, but its sometimes nice to know I'm not totally crazy.

Rant: Facebook
Rave: kick ass moms that understand without even having to bitch about it.

[v-girl]

Not sure if it qualifies as a pet peeve because it mostly reflects my own insecurities, but I hate it when someone implies my kids don't do enough activities outside of school. Because I kind if think that too but haven't been able to ever solve it.....

How many activities are they supposed to do. All my girls do is dance. The boy just plays.

[Sheherezade]

Wellll..... Not sure you are doing it right, v-girl.

'Round these parts, an hour without a scheduled activity that isn't between ten pm and six am is either wasted time or asking for trouble. So far, I've just been lucky. . My boy does soccer and my girl does ballet and band. No two sports a season, no volunteer time at the local animal shelter, no after school clubs or early morning student government meetings. I'm a loser mom.

[Pollyanna]

Count me in the "don't really care" category. The very best thing you can do for yourself as a parent is to feel good about yourself and the decisions you make for your child. Be able to talk about those choices with others without getting defensive. Read through your pet peeves and ask yourself if you'd like to be held to the same standards. People don't mean harm (even servers that pour hot coffee over baby), they come from a different perspective, have different experience, or know nothing about children.

But the sock thing, lol, happens all the time around here

[Deebs]

I think all the moving we've done has totally lowered my tolerance. I'm reading other responses and thinking, "why are you in a playground with such judgy people?" See - right there, I guess I'm judging, but I just don't have time for that. I have three kids who are clothed, clean, mostly happy, and I don't really care what anyone else has to say about it. So much so, that I really couldn't come up with anything to contribute, but I think it's because I just don't hear people's comments that I don't appreciate. Or, maybe I do see it as an attempt at connection so I don't take it in a negative light.

[WolfpackWife]

This thread is really interesting, because I see this ridiculous pattern with "mommy bloggers" or friends of mine who have kids. I've said in multiple discussions with friends that nowadays, it seems trendy to be a "certain" kind of mom. Cloth diapering, non-vaccinating, only organic, wooden toys, no circumcision, etc. etc. These are all such controversial topics on these blogs. And to be frank, I didn't even start reading "mommy blogs" because of the fact they had kids. Most of these women were acquaintances who started blogs about their lives and I started to read (since I knew them, however far removed) and then they all had kids. All of a sudden, it's like this huge holier-than-thou competition about why you shouldn't do this or should do that. If you let your kid cry, you're a monster. If you vaccinate, you should have child services called on you. If you use forward-facing car seats before age three, we can't even be friends with you anymore. If you tell you child "no" or put them in time out, 62 comments later people have voiced their opinions about how awful your child will feel for the rest of his/her life

It's really threatening and seems like SUCH a difficult thing to have to deal with as a parent. I've honestly thought: is having kids just fraught with unending judgement from peers about how is doing the largest amount of "right" and "best" things for their kids? Can't people just raise their kids the way they want and everyone shuts up?

Also: all of the above examples are just things that I have seen to be real hot button issues with this whole "mommy blogger" subset and with my friends in real life. I have virtually no judgments about the above child rearing techniques because I have no kids. I am just consistently floored by what mothers will judge each other on - and the tone with which they'll say it!

[Pollyanna]

WPW, I know a mommy blogger that threatened her husband with a divorce when he expressed a desire to have his son circumcised (and she was dead serious). You know, cuz that would be in the best interest of her child (insert eye roll).

I don't think parenthood is fraught with unending judgement. If you get caught up in that crowd you may feel that way but it doesn't have to be the case.

[GrayMatterWife]

1. Using the superfluous "like" and the interjection "ya know" in EVERY.SINGLE.SENTENCE. STOP IT!!! You sound like a seventh grade girl. A really stupid, insipid, uneducated, dull-witted seventh grade girl. And my child picks up on your child's poor speech--which your child got from you. I have to say, "It's not 'LIKE' ANYTHING!" at least twice a week. My kids now pause before they say "like"...even correctly!

2. Introducing your children to me by my first name. I am an adult. Your child is...a child. We are not social equals. I do not appreciate being addressed casually by your child without MY invitation to do so.

3. Assuming that I am as indulgent with my children as you are with yours. Or, assuming that I think your lack of discipline, self-control and parenting skills is normal. I don't. So, don't laugh and act like it's cute when your spoiled, self-absorbed child comes to my house, breaks my possessions, uses abusive language, shows no respect for my house, and never apologizes. It is a reflection on YOU.

4. Coming to my house for dinner then asking if I can fix something else than what I've prepared...because your child doesn't prefer the meal I've prepared. (And it's not as if I fixed something exotic or odd!--Something basic, like spaghetti...) I am not running a short-order grill. You may cater to your kid's every whim at home, but outside the bubble of your indulgence, people--even children--are expected to have manners and show appreciation.