Preparing the older sibling

[SuzySunshine]

Ok, so I know I still have 18+ weeks but I just watched a friend's (lady0880 - remember her?) 4 1/2 month old for just over an hour and it was eye opening to say the least. We're watching this same baby for 2 full days at the end of the month so I know we'll have some more "practice" then but Adele wasn't happy most of the time he was here. He laid on the floor under our activity gym for most of the time and was very content, the one thing that taught me was that I need to get all of the baby stuff out well before the baby comes so that A can play with it and become bored with it before baby needs it.

What else can I do to prepare her? She'll be a little over 22 months. She cried when I changed him on her changing table. She tried to be helpful giving him his blanket and burp rag but was a little rough and both times I thought she was going to suffocate him. She was the best when he was in his carseat the first 10 minutes or so he was here, but I don't want baby #2 to live in his carseat for his safety.

So talk me down moms of more then 1 - I'm sure it will be fine but would love any tips.

It will be fine but its an adjustment.

We had the new babies "bring" (ok, that sounds totally bizarre) a gift for the older sib.

One of those adjustments is that you will need to do things to take care of the baby and she will have to wait. Maybe start doing short quick tasks before you do something with her -- like say "let's put the dog out before we have lunch". I don't know, might help.

[Pollyanna]

This is what makes moving from 1 to 2 so hard (IMHO). We did all sorts of "prep" for baby #2, just a million and one things as I remember. What I discovered the more children we had is that the best prep you can do is relax. It will be okay, there will be ups and downs but your oldest will not be traumatized for life (even though I was convinced she would be ).

We do lots of talking about baby and when a new baby arrives I do my very best to keep everyone's routines pretty much the same. I don't expect the older ones will want to help, if they are interested great, if not that's okay too. I always used to crack up when people would say to the older children, "I'm sure you will be such a big help with the baby". I always assumed the children were thinking, "great, I have to share mommy and have new chores on top of it. Who the hell signed me on for this?"

I know you just watched a 4 month old but remember, babies sleep most of the day away. Most likely A will be very uninterested in her brother in short order. Honestly, babies are kind of boring for awhile. The biggest challenge is keeping the older one busy while you are nursing. Since we are big on videos around here I would just save the favs for nursing time and we'd all watch together while I nursed baby.

You are going to do great!!

[Pollyanna]

We had the new babies "bring" (ok, that sounds totally bizarre) a gift for the older sib.

We always do this too. It's just a fun treat for everyone when they arrive at the hospital.

Great points, Tara. I was sure that dd1 would be forever traumatized.

ITA about nursing the baby. Videos are a great idea or reading her a book while you nurse so she feels included.

[Phoebe]

DD#1 was 24 months when DD#2 arrived. A book we read was "I'm a Big Sister" by Joanna Cole. She liked it a lot. I think I have still seen it in bookstores. It was simplistic and talked about all the things a baby does compared to being a big sister.

We bought A a doll to play with along side of when I was taking care of E. We also let her hold the baby with supervision whenever she was interested. The transition went really well that I can remember.

[Auspicious]

Reading along with interest. Good idea about letting #1 get bored with the baby toys early, Cheri, I hadn't thought of that.

Can I piggyback my question? Were you able to use things like swing/bouncy seat with #2? The swing especially seems like it would be very tempting to the little climby monkey (especially an angry climby monkey looking to test boundaries) and way too delicate to withstand her.

[migirl]

We have the "I'm a Big Brother" book, and it's great. Definitely read big sib/sister books with her before baby's arrival.

Honestly, I don't know that there's that much you can really do to prepare A for the new baby. I know a lot of people do the "big sib" gift from the new baby, I never bothered and it was fine. The first 3-4 weeks or so were a big adjustment for DS#1 (lots of meltdowns and tantrums over weird things, very unlike him), but then it was fine. He had a baby doll that MIL gave him that he sometimes used to imitate things I would do with the baby. It was actually kinda cute.

Oh, and I agree ... finding things to keep her busy while you're nursing/feeding baby is very important.

Good luck! I remember thinking more than a few times during those first few weeks that we'd made a horrible mistake by having this second baby (I felt sooooooooooo guilty about having turned my firstborn's world so upside-down!).

Another book that DS really enjoyed is "Hello, Baby". We also did the gift from baby. A will do a lot of growing in the next 4 months so the things that bother her now may be less of an issue once the baby is actually here.

As far as nursing....in the beginning, I usually had to nurse DD while I was in the middle of playing with DS or reading to him or cooking dinner or cleaning or (fill in the blank).

Adding a second child is a big adjustment for the whole family, but everything will work out just fine.

[DCJenn]

Haven't a clue as a parent but let me tell you, having a new baby brother at Christmas ROCKED. It probably was the most over the top Christmas of my life. Everyone overcompensated. My mother said it took TWO car loads to bring all of the presents from my grandparents house.

I still hated him (my brother) but at least I had lots of new toys.

Jenn

[MrsK]

My youngest brother was born on my 4th birthday. Yeah, I would have rather had a puppy.

Reading along with interest. Good idea about letting #1 get bored with the baby toys early, Cheri, I hadn't thought of that.

Can I piggyback my question? Were you able to use things like swing/bouncy seat with #2? The swing especially seems like it would be very tempting to the little climby monkey (especially an angry climby monkey looking to test boundaries) and way too delicate to withstand her.

We couldn't really use our swing with Quinn, b/c Jacob loved to see how hard he could make it swing. We didn't have a whole lot of trouble, but I do remember that being an issue.

[Chrisada]

Richard was 27 months when Pierce was born. I prepared him by letting him talk to Baby Brother in my tummy and explaining to him that Baby Brother would be coming out. I really don't think that he is old enough to do the whole "send him back" thing. When Pierce was born Richard wanted to hold him immediately and cried when we took him away. He has absolutely no jealousy whatsoever. Every once in a while he'll say "Put him down" if he wants for me to hold him. But he loves to take care of his little brother by holding him and likes to make him laugh. But Richard knows not to bother mommy when I am nursing, which seems like always! he is very self-sufficient and knows how to play on his own.

Now I'm not going to lie. Having two children so close in age has definately been a challenge. I can't hold Pierce as much as I used to hold Richard, but Pierce does really well in the swing and Bumbo. When he was born I carried him in the carrier alot. I also always have him in the carrier when I leave the house with both of them.

[HouseofWool]

Haven't a clue as a parent but let me tell you, having a new baby brother at Christmas ROCKED. It probably was the most over the top Christmas of my life. Everyone overcompensated. My mother said it took TWO car loads to bring all of the presents from my grandparents house.

I still hated him (my brother) but at least I had lots of new toys.

Jenn

LOL - my sister was born on Christmas day. Everyone bought her rockin' gifts to avoid looking stingey. Me? I got new undies. Not that I am bitter or anything.

[Chrisada]

DS was born on Christmas Day, as was my mom! I was born exactly the week before and swore I would never have a baby around Christmas.