Babywise

[SoonerTexan]

So a year ago a cousin gave the Babywise books at my shower. I was aware and not thrilled with the ideas behind the book so I nodded and smiled and shoved them somewhere. I found them in the move as figured it was only fair to actually read them, maybe they wouldnt be so bad.

Oh boy. As someone who believes in Attachment Theory and Attachment Parenting principles, I was bound to be shocked, but this is beyond what I ever thought it would be. In the first few pages, he implies separation anxiety in a 6 month old is undesirable and not normal behavior!!!

At any rate, this has incensed me enough that I am actually going to take notes on the many unsubstantiated ideas and assertions that are flat out wrong (according to Ezzo, attachment parenting and attachment theory aren't related at all-huh?) The notes section is absolutely laughable. DH and I were looking through the few citations he has in disbelief.

So anyone sees this later and wants my notes, I'll send them. I'm afraid posting here might not be the best idea for harmony's sake!

Seriously though, few things have ever made me this incensed.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I received it as a gift too and read it to see what the fuss was about. It's pretty much the opposite of my parenting style.

I think people who like it have babies who would have gone to a schedule relatively easily themselves. Considering DD still feeds every 2-3 hours and naps whenever she wants even for the nanny (ie it's not just me being a bad mom), the schedule wouldn't have worked.

I mean babies who sleep thru the night at 6 weeks like some babies are probably easier to get on a schedule bc they have naturally adopted a schedule!

No amount of hard work would have had dd sleeping thru the night at 6 weeks.

[Urowife]

I read a few chapters when I was staying at a friend's house a couple years ago, and I was appalled, too. ST, I'd love to see your notes when you are done.

Maybe for an easy baby, it works, but scheduling feedings for my kids would result in screaming, hangry babes. Not for me...

[ladymoreta]

http://ezzo.info/ is a good place to start for references to studies that refute his claims, as well as some heartbreaking personal stories.

[diggitydot]

I mean babies who sleep thru the night at 6 weeks like some babies are probably easier to get on a schedule bc they have naturally adopted a schedule!

I agree. I never heard about Babywise when our kids were little. It probably would have been fine for DD1, who was a very consistent baby (slept through the night at 6 weeks with two 2-hour naps a day until she went to kindergarten). However, it would have been torturous to DD2 and DS, both of whom were NOT terribly consistent.

It always amazes me when people try to convince everyone that all babies should behave similarly. Some might, but a LOT don't.

[Deebs]

I am convinced that book was written to make parents feel like crappy failures. We can come up with enough of that all on our own, thank you very much!

[scrub-jay]

I am convinced that book was written to make parents feel like crappy failures. We can come up with enough of that all on our own, thank you very much!

Amen.

[Pollyanna]

The whole idea just makes me feel sad. The Ezzo's are snake oil salesmen of the worst kind.

[SuzySunshine]

As a mom of two VERY different kids I can not fathom how anyone thinks every child fits the same mold - ridiculous!

[SoonerTexan]

Haha, I'm going to have a hard time getting through this without my blood pressure going through the roof! My favorite part so far is the comparison of the bad bad (fictional) Attachment Parenting family and their baby, Marisa (irony?) and the perfect perfect (fictional) Babywise family and their newborn, Chelsea. Spoiler! Chelsea turns into a loving, respectful child and her parents have a great marriage, while Marissa is a selfish brat whose parent's marriage is crumbling.

I totally see why new parents pick this book up and get sucked in and vehemently defend it. The method works (albeit in ways that horrify me) and the book is devoted to scaring parents into thinking any other way will cause their life to unravel.

With Babywise as popular as it is, no WONDER so many people think attachment parenting is for whackjobs...Gary Ezzo gives no other impression!

[ladymoreta]

Yeah, if you go back and read my posts, I was very confused. Lots of parents that we were friends with had great results with it, probably because they had kids who naturally adapted well to schedules. They insisted it was an amazing book, so I read it while I was pregnant, not even knowing it was controversial. I knew almost nothing about babies, but when DS was born and didn't fit the Babywise baby, I did feel pretty terrible. I'm so glad I had iMSN to tell me it was okay, but lots of new parents don't have that kind of support.

[spotty_dog]

Like you, I needed to read the book instead of accepting the AP parents' indictments, and like you, I found it very frustrating to read the continual put-downs of hands-on parents and predictions that their marriages would suffer. Thing is though, when discussing the method you don't have to take it any farther than "This advice in no way suits my parenting style, and I absolutely do not recommend the book on the grounds that its advice goes against all biology and psychology." After that, try to let it go -- you don't have to contradict it point-by-point, because if someone truly thinks that method will work for them they aren't going to hear you. "People don't change their ideas, much less their lives, because someone comes along with a clever argument to show that they're wrong. As a way of making real and deep changes in society, this shouting and arguing is mostly a waste of time." Find the people who say "This didn't feel right," and say, "I agree and this is what worked for me, instead." Everybody else -- you've gotta just live and let live.

I found the Baby Whisperer (Tracy Hogg) to be just a half-step shy of Ezzo, BTW.

[Pollyanna]

Alison makes a very good point about letting it go. If you're taking notes for your own edification that is great but to do it to convince others that Babywise may be unwise will be futile and an exercise in frustration. And while I find the Ezzo's methodology sad and unwise I am sure it works like a charm for others. I also find cosleeping with an infant dangerous and unwise but it works beautifully for many families. Like with all things parenting, there is not a one size fits all style, even within the same family.

Eta: Alison, what's the story with the baby whisperer? I never read her book because I found the title obnoxious, lol.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

"This advice in no way suits my parenting style, and I absolutely do not recommend the book on the grounds that its advice goes against all biology and psychology."

I could not agree with this more.

I have several friends including my crazy boss who parents to a schedule. Her 12 week old wakes once/night for a feeding and that works great for them.

FWIW, there are elements that are often related to attachment parenting (not part of the theory but often adopted in concert with attachment principles) that I totally disagree with including non/selective vaccinating and a general mistrust of physicians because you "know your child". Of course you know your child! But you don't (usually) know medicine! So it's absurd to suggest you ALWAYS know better than a doctor.

[Pollyanna]

Alison makes a very good point about letting it go. If you're taking notes for your own edification that is great but to do it to convince others that Babywise may be unwise will be futile and an exercise in frustration. And while I find the Ezzo's methodology sad and unwise I am sure it works like a charm for others. I also find cosleeping with an infant dangerous and unwise (I should note that I'm all about cosleeping when they're old enough to climb in you bed, because I'm too lazy to return them to their room) but it works beautifully for many families. Like with all things parenting, there is not a one size fits all style, even within the same family.

Eta: Alison, what's the story with the baby whisperer? I never read her book because I found the title obnoxious, lol.