Tell me you've lived through this

[moonlight]

If we can distract her or trick her to leaving that does seem to work sometimes. I can't always figure out the trick though. Today nothing worked. She doesn't seem to care if we are going someone fun at the next place. Today I thought it would help if I told her where we were going because that has sort of helped in her the past. I also tried telling her today 1. we are about to leave and go bye-bye, ok 2. we have one minute left and its time to go. Its not sinking in with her. Or she's ignoring me? Or she doesn't understand? I'm not sure.

She's lay on the floor, look right at me say Get Up! Don't do that! I'll pretend to walk away and she's say Bye-Bye and start getting sad. She's saying the things I just about to say to her right before I can get it out. To me that means she understands no to do these things. But I don't know for sure.

I feel like if she understood the system of coming and going we wouldn't have so many problems. I just don't know what system to use or how to communicate it to her. MrsK said the other day she sings a song and at the end of the song its time to do something else. I feel like a fool singing ABC's in the store to get her to leave without throwing herself on the floor. I feel like I'm being held hostage by a nearly 3 yr old and I hate this.

She cried really hard but went we did get home I put her right down for a nap and told her she couldn't watch TV.

[HouseofWool]

I agree that the language delays add to it, and I fully admit that we don't have those issues here.

What I have found that works well for DD (who will be 4 in January and is my spirited child) is to very firmly lay out what the rules are. "We are going to the store, while we are there, I expect that you will sit nicely in the cart (this is non-negotiable for me), you will not grab things from the shelves. (whatever your expectations are, but be really clear. Saying, "I want you to be good" isn't clear enough)." Then I lay out what the consequences will be (leaving the store, etc). Then, if bribery is needed, tell her what she will get for being good. (A sticker, a run past a favorite landmark or park).

Doing this works so much better for us. The other day, we had C's parent teacher conference and we left for it in a rush because I had forgotten about it (again - Mother of the Year here). While driving there, I laid out the expectations. Luckily, the teacher had some wooden blocks that she could play with, but she did well for the entire 20 minutes, only interrupting once. A large part of it is personality, but having her know what is expected really helps.

[Thirteen]

My 18 month old runs from me: into parking lots, into the street, etc.

Not the same age, or situation, but I find myself having to predetermine what the "choices" will be, and explain the consequences even before I hand out the warning.

e.g. "Stay with mommy: if you go to the street, you are choosing to go inside the house." (Time out is the consequence for a lot of bad choices, but running away from me warrants leaving a fun place, or going back inside if we are outside.)

"We are crossing the street: hold my hand. If you choose not to, I will carry you."

Etc...


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[diggitydot]

Something else to consider; impulse control is near the same area of the brain as language. We were told by our developmental pediatrician that there is frequently an overlapping delay with the language issue and that as kids mature, that area does, too. She may just not be ready to deal with or process the changes yet. Is there any way you can avoid taking her on errands for a while until she IS ready?

I truly doubt she's trying to be a stinker. I don't know if it makes a difference to you, but our youngest still sometimes has issue with this, but had improved DRASTICALLY -- lmost as large of an improvement as his language.

ETA - Her mimicking your words back to you at the appropriate time doesn't mean she understands their meaning, it just means that she knows what you'll say to her at those times. It shows that she knows the routine, but maybe not the reason for the routine.

[MrsK]

MrsK said the other day she sings a song and at the end of the song its time to do something else. I feel like a fool singing ABC's in the store to get her to leave without throwing herself on the floor. I feel like I'm being held hostage by a nearly 3 yr old and I hate this.

There are different ways to use the song. Sometimes, something like "The Clean Up" song works to signal that it's time to put toys away and get ready to go. Also, the 5-minute and 3-minute warnings work for transitions as well as telling him what's happening next. "K1, once you put on your shoes, we'll drive to the library." Also, out and out bribes like "we'll have a snack when we get there." work and threats like "we won't have time for a story if you don't hurry and put your pjs on." I use the "ABC" song when it's something like dawdling when climbing into the carseat; if his tush is not in the seat by the time the song ends, I'm wrestling him into the seat myself which he haaaaates. Sometimes, I appeal to his pride and ask, "Can you do it yourself or do you need me to help you?" Almost 3yos are big on doing things themselves. Also, setting an actual timer and telling him that we have to clear the table/potty/turn off the tv or whatever when the timer beeps works and I don't have to be the bad guy. Note, none of these techniques is fool proof and sometimes none of them work. Also, for toddlers, sometimes dawdling is their way or exercising control and/or extending the amount of time they get to spend with you so try to keep that in mind when you are getting frustrated.

That said, earlier today I found myself chasing K1 through a parking lot with K2 (who weighs 29 lbs) on my hip. I finally caught him by his hair and wrestled him into the car. There was lots of scolding and tears. Not my finest parenting moment. We've all been there.

[Michele]

Just something else to consider....let go of the "guilt". You aren't failing because she's having a meltdown about change. Just do what you gotta do and move on. It's not something you are or aren't doing. It's her.

At least that's how I get through it sometimes.

[SuzySunshine]

My kids will respond to the clean up sing it there is Kindermusik tune where you just change the words to what is appropriate but the tune is the same so they get it. I also use the timer on my phone a TON! I tell them I'm setting it for x minutes and when it goes off we're leaving, it was tough for the first few times but now I get no complaints and if I do I don't even acknowledge them. No discussion, if I have to pick them up and carry them I will.

[moonlight]

Talked to a preschool teacher friend of mine tonight. She mentioned at school they use picture cards for children with social or speech/language issues to help them understand transitions. What do you think DD and others? It wouldn't be hard to made up 3-4 cards for the few places she has problems going and leaving.

Yes, I can stop taking her out or at least limit the outing except for the gym. The gym is the second easiest transition place we go. I don't feel like I have to cut that out because it is almost her favorite place to hang out. Her favorite place to go is this pay-by-the-hour drop off child care center.

[diggitydot]

I say try it!

They tried to use something similar for DS in kindergarten when he was being a PITA. He was TOTALLY being naughty, though. As soon as he realized that I was there observing one day, he immediately began behaving himself, the little shit. (Our little dude tends to push the boundaries of others to see what he can get away with far more than he pushes ours.)

[moonlight]

I think I'll try a mix of what everyone says and loads more communication with her before, during, and after transitions. I also have access to a parent resource center where I can print and have laminated 4-5 cards. Tonight when we left Chick fila she walked out with no problems. She asked to watch TV at home while we were still in the car. I reinforced how good she was while leaving the restaurant and that she could watch TV because she was so well behaved. She got really quiet and kept saying 'big girl.' I feel like we might be onto something.

[HouseofWool]

I think I'll try a mix of what everyone says and loads more communication with her before, during, and after transitions. I also have access to a parent resource center where I can print and have laminated 4-5 cards. Tonight when we left Chick fila she walked out with no problems. She asked to watch TV at home while we were still in the car. I reinforced how good she was while leaving the restaurant and that she could watch TV because she was so well behaved. She got really quiet and kept saying 'big girl.' I feel like we might be onto something.

the "big girl" card is a huge weapon in my arsenal. I can convince S to do almost anything with that one.

[moonlight]

Just a tiny update today. We are having a wonderful day! I talked to her this morning about going to school and who all she would see there. She didn't want to walk into the building when we got there but it wasn't a full melt down. No laying on the floor. Pick up time was perfect and she was rewarded with TV when we got home. I still plan to get flash cards made this weekend.

[Deebs]

There is a website - www.do2learn.com that has printable cards for getting dressed, desired behaviors, undesirable behaviors, etc that I used to help my DS with getting dressed without distraction. My sister is a peds PT, and she said PTs and OTs use it a lot to help kids. Check it out before you make your own cards (it's free).

[moonlight]

There is a website - www.do2learn.com that has printable cards for getting dressed, desired behaviors, undesirable behaviors, etc that I used to help my DS with getting dressed without distraction. My sister is a peds PT, and she said PTs and OTs use it a lot to help kids. Check it out before you make your own cards (it's free).

Thank you! That will be a big help. I'll use those instead!!

[Deebs]

I also bought this

http://www.amazon.com/Scotch-Thermal...ords=laminator

laminator for that purpose. It was great, and now I use it to make flashcards, games, etc, so I've definitely gotten my monies worth. If the card idea works, you might want to consider it, as you might end up making some for many different things.