Cry It Out Fail

[ladymoreta]

So... I was sure I wouldn't do it, but we're out of ideas. I've tried all the no-cry strategies I can find, even cosleeping and the "last resort" version of CIO in Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution book, and nothing has worked. My almost-14-month-old is still waking every 2-3 hours almost every night. A 5-hour stretch is rare, but heavenly.

We started doing cry it out yesterday. Initially, we were going to do Ferber, with increasing interval lengths between checks, but after an hour, DH pointed out that DS just got more hysterical every time I went in, so we decided to stop doing the checks. DS cried for 5(!) hours before I finally decided it was too much. DH reluctantly agreed that I should just go get him to sleep.

Tonight, we kept up the interval checks, but fortunately DH agreed that we would stop after two hours, so I just got DS to sleep.

So we're basically putting DS through hours of crying for nothing. This just sucks. For those who've done CIO, do you have any advice? Should we just be letting him go longer? I felt like the worst parent ever last night. Isn't it cruel to let your baby cry alone for 5 hours? Or was I wrong to finally go to him?

Please help, I am so frustrated. I hate CIO, and really thought we'd make some progress without it by now, but DS needs to sleep. He's never slept longer than 6 hours at a time, and that is extremely rare. We have another baby coming in six months, and I truly can't imagine how it will work to be up with both him and a newborn every couple of hours.

[diggitydot]

Do you have a noice machine in his room? If not, that could make a difference.

[Pollyanna]

Do you feed him every time he wakes up? Does he have reflux that makes him uncomfortable when he lays down or even fluid in his ears? We had problems with our first because she had recurring ear infections and fluid in her ear that made it uncomfortable to lay down flat. She could cry for up to three hours. I will say though that she did start sleeping much better when we moved her to a twin bed at 18 months (tubes had also been placed). I would talk to your pediatrician to make sure nothing medical is going on. My nephews woke every two-three hours but I think that was because they were always fed. We Ferberized all the kiddos and save for our first it worked like a charm for all of them. They never cried for more than an hour when we started. I feel for you because I know the new baby adds an extra sense of urgency. My first stop would be with the pediatrician and then decide what you and your hubby are most comfortable with and keep on working at it, you will get there and your baby will sleep (heck before you know it he'll be a teenager that only wants to sleep).

[SoonerTexan]

Just hugs

[scrub-jay]

CIO sucks for our family too, simply pisses our dd off more and more. When we're not teething/sick, I nurse her down (sometimes a bottle of warm water) and put on classic rock. Yes, specifically classic rock... Bob Dylan/Beatles/Rolling Stones...etc. It sounds like you've tried a lot of different solutions. There are specialists around here who help with bedtime routines...maybe there is something similar there? I 100% agree with getting a medical check- up specifically to address sleep. Please keep me updated with what you try, we're pulling for you and may not be far behind. (((hugs)))

[ladymoreta]

Thanks. Yes, we have a white noise machine that we always run. He doesn't have any night feedings, although occasionally when he wakes up, he'll want a drink of water.

He does have reflux, and he is on Zantac. Starting that seemed like it was going to help. He got a very late diagnosis (just after his one year appointment). It stopped most of the long (1+ hour) wakings, and he doesn't display symptoms of it when he wakes up now. (No more hurting cries or back arching.)

As far as we can tell, he's only had one ear infection. His pediatrician never mentioned anything unusual during well-child visits. Is that something he would have noticed during those ear checks?

[Pollyanna]

He does have reflux, and he is on Zantac. Starting that seemed like it was going to help. He got a very late diagnosis (just after his one year appointment). It stopped most of the long (1+ hour) wakings, and he doesn't display symptoms of it when he wakes up now. (No more hurting cries or back arching.)

As far as we can tell, he's only had one ear infection. His pediatrician never mentioned anything unusual during well-child visits. Is that something he would have noticed during those ear checks?

Maybe and maybe not but I think the fact that he does have reflux issues is a huge clue. At 14 months he should be able to sleep at least for an 8 hour stretch and the continual waking indicates discomfort of some form. Make an appointment to specifically address his sleep issues and discuss the possibility of their relationship to his reflux. Poor baby and poor mommy Hang in there.

ETA: I would avoid Ferberizing until the discomfort issues are addressed.

[alison]

We started letting dd CIO at 6 months. We didn't go in and she ed and fell asleep in her after a couple of hours of crying. I would have gone in after 5 hours--wow! I'm so sorry...

I would honestly try again. 5 hours will eventually turn into 4, which will turn into 3, and so on and so forth. Of course, rule out any medical conditions.

Dd has reflux, as you know. If dd gets upset, she s. But do I not discipline her just because I'm afraid of having to clean up 2-3x day? Reflux sucks, but it's not a get out of jail free card. Boy did that sound mean... I didn't mean for it to, but I guess it's coming from a place of frustration.

Hugs!!!! I'm sorry you aren't getting any sleep!

[SuzySunshine]

I agree with Tara, go in and talk to your doctor. R had reflux and didn't sleep through the night until he outgrew that, probably right about 14 months. Something has to be bothering him for him to cry for that long. A did great with CIO, R did not - I just had to work through it until he started sleeping on his own. My ped let me put a sippy with water in his crib too as long as it wasn't very much, that seemed to help too. If I always put it in the same place in the crib and he was able to find it.

[HouseofWool]

It is so hard. I agree with the others in seeing the ped to rule out anything medical. FWIW, Sophie did not start sleeping through the night consistently until after she was 2. At 14 months it was every few hours, usually 2-3 wakings a night.

[ladymoreta]

Okay, I will get an appointment. My mommy instinct really says it's behavioral, though. All I have to do is go in there, put a hand on his back, and keep it there until he falls asleep. He doesn't seem to be in pain or uncomfortable; he just seems to not want to be alone. When I cosleep, he wakes up, but usually just changes positions and goes back to sleep.

[SuzySunshine]

Has he attached to something? A small blanket, stuffed animal? Maybe it is an alone thing and he needs to attach to something besides you.

[Deebs]

Is this the first time he's been in his own room at night? My kids always needed a light on - I think they just wanted to know where they were.

[peggyfromwastate]

my last dd did not sleep well until after 18 months, and we did CIO. I mostly used the "healthy sleep habits happy baby" advice. He said to check after 1 hour of crying, reassure, and put back to bed. I did that, but I remember stretches if 3 hours crying for several nights in a row. She didn't just give up the fight!! The other kids pretty much had good sleep patterns from about 6 months on with some CIO but not much.



As always, follow your instinct! Definitely this is something worth seeing the ped about. Sleep is a huge part of quality of life!!! It will get better though.

[ides]

I just wanted say that we didn't do CIO. O still woke up every two hours until 18 months then about every three to four hours until 2 yrs then about once or twice a night until 2.25 years. He now sleeps all night -12 hours. We do cosleep with our two beds (he's on a twin mattress) next to one another. He never slept more than 30 min. In his crib so we abandoned it after several months of trying. Guess I just wanted to say not all kids get to steady long sleep habits "on time" so give yourself a break & a hug.