Getting My Boys to Sleep

[moonlight]

I'm just so sorry you had to go through that last night. I really hope tonight is better for the K family.

[spotty_dog]

Generally, K1 sleeps better than K2. He's always been a heavier sleeper and sleeps more. In the mornings, K2 is awake first and K2 sometimes wakes during the night too. I've considered separating them but most likely, we'd have to put one in with Lambie to accomplish that. K2 would be absolutely impossible with her but K1 might be able to manage it if we just put him to sleep before slipping her into her crib. She probably won't be sleeping in the crib until the Spring or Summer anyway because we generally keep newborns in our room until they can sleep through the night.

I thought I remembered this being the case, that when you moved to the new place you chose to leave a nursery open and combine the boys. My thought was that when my kids have shared a room, I've been able to use the threat, "If you can't settle down for sleep, I am going to have to separate you and DD can go back to her own room. It is time for SLEEPING now." It sounds like if the boys have so much fun being alone together, this will be a viable threat? And you have as much as six months of being able to carry through before it becomes truly important for them to stay in a room calmly -- they will be very different kids, again, in six months.

I'm so glad your migraine improved so quickly!

Also, I noted that you said at 9:45 or so your time that you'd been in their room reading for an hour. The thing of bedtimes is that you've got to drop them into a calm state *as* their body is craving rest, and then leave them to the job of drifting off on their own, before they hit a second wind and that crazy "keeping my tired self up with wildness" energy. For most kids, this means starting the process early enough that you have gone through a good, hour-ish long routine, culminating by about 7:30-8. I know, I know, DrK is probably barely home at that point, huh. :\ It never truly worked for me to be honest, but the fact is that my kids sleep way better if they are in bed by 8 than if we diddle around until 8:45-9 (and the younger they are the harder I try for the early bedtime). And you *need* your rest in a way I didn't so much at those ages...you're growing a person!

May tonight, or at least some night soon, be much much smoother!

[MrsK]

We begin the bedtime routine right after dinner. They'd had baths, lotion, books, and were in bed by 8 or 8:15 and I remained in their room reading to myself and playing the Pandora lullaby station per Angie's advice. An hour later, K2 was being horrible and I was getting a migraine.

They have always shared a room. ..at least since K1 was 2yo and K2 was 6mo. They like it and K1 says he has trouble sleeping when K2 is not there. We intended to keep them together until we buy a house and K1 outgrows the toddler bed which may be soon since he is already 43" tall and we hope to buy a house this fall.

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[MrsK]

In the vein of K2 being an instigator, right now K1 is desperately weepy and trying to nap. K2 keeps going into the room and tormenting him.

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[diggitydot]

Holy crap, K1 is TALL! Our 14 y/o is barely 5'.

[moonlight]

It's hard to give advice. Every kid and family is different. Bedtime is basically not too difficult here. DD loves her bed and rest... And she isn't sharing a room. Take my kid to the store and all hell breaks lose.
Is this typical issues at bedtime not worth a punishment? I think it's hard with K2 because he still a toddler! Would it even be worth trying to talk to K2 about it during the day? Would a visual chart of bedtime routine help him understand better?
Bottom line your just in a really tuff spot right now and I've got to believe he will get better or give you a few easier nights. Gezzz that's so hard.

[MrsK]

Holy crap, K1 is TALL! Our 14 y/o is barely 5'.

Yeah. He's 90th percentile. I'm barely over 5' so this makes him more than 2/3 my height. He keeps talking about how he'll be taller than me, so tall he'll reach the sky, and how Lambie will want to be just like me when she grows up but she'll be taller. He's probably right.

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[moonlight]

Holy crap, K1 is TALL! Our 14 y/o is barely 5'.

Our 4 yr old is 44"! DH is 6'3" I'm not sure but I always seem to think drk and my DH are similar size. Good gawd they make big kids!

[MrsK]

Our 4 yr old is 44"! DH is 6'3" I'm not sure but I always seem to think drk and my DH are similar size. Good gawd they make big kids!

DrK is not very tall. He's 6'1". Just big so he looks taller. Our maternal grandfathers were both very tall and slim. K1 takes after them. Both very handsome men.

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[Phoebe]

I agree with a trial separation! Two of our kids shared for the past two years and it became a nightmare. We just separated them and eliminated our guest room. Bedtime is much more pleasant around here and the girls sleep better. dD10 is our instigator.

[PrincessFiona]

DD17 was always our instigator. The trick is to remove the instigator from the scene. K2 is getting and enjoying attention (even negative attention). I would stop with lotion, stories, and lullabies at this point and separate his instigating ass from his brother. No, really ... you deserve the peace and quiet, but K2 deserves to learn how to settle himself down to sleep too (and K1 just needs his rest). None of the boys are being done any favors at this point. I would kindly and firmly inform K2 and K1 that they now will be sleeping in separate rooms. I can't remember, but thought you had a playroom. That's where I'd put K1 who seems to be more responsible about bedtime. I know it sucks to not have a playroom but it doesn't suck as much as your current situation.

When Andrew and Amanda were younger, we had the problem that you described and separating them was like magic. There were tears, there was drama, there was sadness .... and then there was blissful sleep. The child doing the acting out needs extra help to rein it in ... but they have to learn to settle down too. With a baby on the way, I think you are well within your right to let the hammer fall in a kind and loving way .... but I would seriously put him in the room alone and set up one baby gate on top of the next so that it's so tall he can't climb out over it.

You deserve your sanity and K2 deserves to sleep!

Kris

[Sheherezade]

If you don't have the extra room (we didn't) you could tinker with different bedtimes. Kill the nap and K2 will go down much earlier -ridiculously early sometimes. Then K1 could go to bed reading later with you. I thought k2 might be too young to focus on a story.

This is such a hard part of motherhood. It's all experimentation to see what works. I agree on trying to settle them a lot earlier with the goal of asleep by 8 pm. Once kids are over tired, the whole game changes.

For awhile, we had kids going to sleep at 6:30 pm. It was ridiculous. We had to put blackout blinds up and adopt a total media silence thing. Easy enough since it was usually just me and the kids.


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[MrsK]

Well, today K1 napped and K2 did not. We'll see how that goes. Usually, it means that K2 conks out on the sofa mid-afternoon.

[Sheherezade]

Very tough phase. If you can just stretch him to after an early dinner, he might start to sleep a little later and a new schedule could emerge.

It's so hard to deal with this at any time, but I can't imagine it at the end of a pregnancy as well.

Hope something works for you soon.


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[PrincessFiona]

It's so hard to deal with this at any time, but I can't imagine it at the end of a pregnancy as well.

YES!

I hope I didn't come off as harsh...I didn't mean it towards you. I just feel so sorry for you. Sometimes parenting is so hard. When I think about it, you probably just need to vent. I remember going through phases where nothing helped and it just made it worse when other moms tried to help with their suggestions. I'm sorry if I contributed to what felt unhelpful!

Kris