Changing Schools

[Deebs]

I would see if you can find parents of school B to talk to. Hearing you say the school A parents kind of fell into it reminds me of the school we sent S to for pre-k. I didn't realize until she started, but parents sent their kids there because that's where kids from our church went, not because it had great education or parents who really cared about education as I do. I spent two years regretting the decision to send her there, and she was only there for a year. The education wasn't as strong as it could have been, there wasn't as much parental involvement as there could have been, and we didn't fit with the other families. Our priorities were just very different. That said, I do think your other plan to send her to school B when R starts, as a backup plan, could be a great option, too. I don't know that you need to change any extracurriculars. Growing up, my best friend was from the other side of town. She was in some extracurriculars with kids from my school, and I was I some with kids from her school. It really broadened both of our circles.

[SuzySunshine]

I have talked to or heard from 3 recent grads of School B in the last few days, I have one friend who is a former teacher who will be sending her son to School B for pre-K next year, he's the year in between A & R.

There is a doc that DH works with, that lives in our neighborhood, who sends their kids ranging in age 3 to grade 8 to school B. I need to call the wife and talk to her...

I wish I knew of families from our church that sent their kids to B but I don't...

[spotty_dog]

If the price tag is the sticking point let your financial advisor decide for you. Kids not having to move schools again in school B shouldn't be a selling point because you know the minute you say it out loud one too many times the medical gods will make sure you have to move, lol (jk...sort of.

This this this.

[ladymoreta]

I'd go with school A. It seems like maybe you're feeling some peer pressure to keep up with your neighbors and friends, but it's not in the budget for now. Sending your kids there could make things worse as they get older, if they start to focus on who is going to expensive camps, getting expensive clothes (even if they wear uniforms, they'll hang out outside of school), and later buying expensive electronics, cars, etc. Unless you run into problems with school A, I'd stick with it. It sounds like a much more reasonable price, which means they'll have more economically diverse friends.

[Pollyanna]

Another thing to consider when you talk to your FA is future extracurriculars. If you are planning on a music lesson plus a sport as a minimum for each child you need to budget a MINIMUM of $600/month and to be honest that wont be enough. Music lessons are at least $20/half hour and sports are pretty inexpensive until they pass third grade or so and you are looking at club teams. If you have a kid who is great in a sport and you think you can just maintain them being in a rec league you are kidding yourself. Dance goes to either a ballet focus or competition. We've done both. Competition is a blast and really good for your kids but pricey. The ballet focus is cheaper but once you hit pointe you'll be buying new shoes every 3-4 weeks plus summer ballet intensives. Expect $2k/week for those on the low end. Yes, you can do rec dance but at some level it becomes redundant. Hell, even my friends with competitive chess players pay $40/week for a lesson and tournament fees plus travel. Once they hit high school some of this abates but not all of it. I tell you this because its hard to believe how much extracurriculars add up to for children and you'll need to plan for it.

[diggitydot]

Another thing to consider when you talk to your FA is future extracurriculars. If you are planning on a music lesson plus a sport as a minimum for each child you need to budget a MINIMUM of $600/month and to be honest that wont be enough. Music lessons are at least $20/half hour and sports are pretty inexpensive until they pass third grade or so and you are looking at club teams. If you have a kid who is great in a sport and you think you can just maintain them being in a rec league you are kidding yourself. Dance goes to either a ballet focus or competition. We've done both. Competition is a blast and really good for your kids but pricey. The ballet focus is cheaper but once you hit pointe you'll be buying new shoes every 3-4 weeks plus summer ballet intensives. Expect $2k/week for those on the low end. Yes, you can do rec dance but at some level it becomes redundant. Hell, even my friends with competitive chess players pay $40/week for a lesson and tournament fees plus travel. Once they hit high school some of this abates but not all of it. I tell you this because its hard to believe how much extracurriculars add up to for children and you'll need to plan for it.

Wow. That has NOT been our experience, at all. None of our kids' activities have been anywhere in the neighborhood of any of this. I'm thinking this might be location specific?

[Sheherezade]

We are lucky that our school provides a great music program so lessons are "extras" but not essential. Also, we only replace pointe shoes (~$100) every 6 -8 mos with dance three times a week. Ballet here runs ~700 a year. Club soccer a few thousand for year round - but travel soccer (one step up from Rec) is only few hundred a year.

[houseelf]

Another thing to consider when you talk to your FA is future extracurriculars. If you are planning on a music lesson plus a sport as a minimum for each child you need to budget a MINIMUM of $600/month and to be honest that wont be enough. Music lessons are at least $20/half hour and sports are pretty inexpensive until they pass third grade or so and you are looking at club teams. If you have a kid who is great in a sport and you think you can just maintain them being in a rec league you are kidding yourself. Dance goes to either a ballet focus or competition. We've done both. Competition is a blast and really good for your kids but pricey. The ballet focus is cheaper but once you hit pointe you'll be buying new shoes every 3-4 weeks plus summer ballet intensives. Expect $2k/week for those on the low end. Yes, you can do rec dance but at some level it becomes redundant. Hell, even my friends with competitive chess players pay $40/week for a lesson and tournament fees plus travel. Once they hit high school some of this abates but not all of it. I tell you this because its hard to believe how much extracurriculars add up to for children and you'll need to plan for it.

She is NOT kidding. One music lesson, one sports team, youth group activities, plus a community club like scouts and you'd be lucky to spend $600/child. (Disclosure: I include stuff like birthday parties, presents, summer camps, tutoring, and swim pool membership under our "kids activities and lessons" budget line. ) I'm neither proud nor ashamed but we spend a LOT of money on our kids, as in a top five expenditure item. We lean more towards the rec league set, although we did start selct team for the teenager this year. The budget will only go up as our kids age and the third one starts to get involved.

If you aren't there yet, you need to think about this as a future expense.

[v-girl]

Our girls are at a classical ballet studio. Classes 5-6 days a week plus extra daytime classes for homeschooled kids. Tuition is $598 for our two (though the owners are knocking $50 off a month because that's a lot on top of youth ensemble fees). Oh, to be in youth ensemble starts at $200/year for the trainees and gets up to $500 for senior company. I won't get into the shoes. Depends on your dancer's feet. I have one kid who only needs new shoes every 3-4 months, and one who goes through a pair every 6-8 weeks. We now buy two at a time for that kid.

Private lessons start at $50/hour depending on the teacher. Rehearsals will often be Saturday and Sunday afternoons.

That's just to give you an idea on classical ballet.

[SuzySunshine]

I'd go with school A. It seems like maybe you're feeling some peer pressure to keep up with your neighbors and friends, but it's not in the budget for now. Sending your kids there could make things worse as they get older, if they start to focus on who is going to expensive camps, getting expensive clothes (even if they wear uniforms, they'll hang out outside of school), and later buying expensive electronics, cars, etc. Unless you run into problems with school A, I'd stick with it. It sounds like a much more reasonable price, which means they'll have more economically diverse friends.

I don't feel like we're trying to keep up with our neighbors or friends but yes, I would like the kids to have friends in the neighborhood that they also go to school with. I've also been told many times that "your best friends will be your oldest child's friends parents" which so far has been true since we've moved here and I want to make sure we are like minded people, etc. Of A's friends now - several of the parents are SO much younger then us.

Thanks for the reminder about the extra curriculars - right now we're spending no where near that but I can see how they will get expensive fast. Our financial guy is going to run some numbers tomorrow and get back to us - I think we'll probably end up staying where we are, I just need to make sure I stay engaged with A because she is such a social butterfly I can see her getting lost in the shuffle and not learning because she's to busy socializing

[weeniegeniewife]

When DD was at a private Catholic school for kindy and 1st grade, she had NO friends in the neighborhood that went to the same school. The kids at her school were spread all over Portland, and it was a bitch having to drive all over creation to get to birthday parties, sporting events, etc. In her public school, all her friends are in our neighborhood. It's awesome.

[mommax3]

Chiming in kind of late re: the extra-curriculars, just to say that we have not spent that kind of money on our kids' activities, even when factoring in some pretty pricey trips and camps. I have no experience with dance, but we have done rec and rec+ soccer, club swimming, and rec and travel basketball over the years, as well as various private music lessons, and even including sports equipment and musical instruments/equipment, we have never come close to $600/month for all three boys combined! I know it is different for everyone, but I just wanted to add my perspective.

[SuzySunshine]

Now see our catholic schools are almost like neighborhood schools. There are 3 within a 5 mile radius of us and you have to have special permission to go to the one outside of your boundaries so most of A's current friends do live relatively close to us even though we are on the north end of the boundaries.

[Flynn]

Re: class size, I would agree with MrsK that I wouldn't let that stop you from choosing that school. Our kids attend public school and DS7's first-grade class last year had 27 children in it (!), but there is tremendous parent involvement and resources at our school and he is thriving there.

So much word to the above. In some schools, class size has very little to do with how children learn and thrive. I used to lean the other way here -- and am admitting I WAS SO WRONG!!! With class size it really depends...on a lot of other factors.

Honestly I'm a little surprised you still get to choose which school A goes to at this late hour? Are they having trouble filling their spots? Summer seems SUPER late for private school spots to still be available. It sounds like the public schools are battling more than just class size where you live but have you really looked into the one you feed into? Have you taken a tour during school hours last year? Talked to an administrator or other parents? If they are underfunded, why? Do they pass their levys and if not, how long has it gone since they passed one?

Suzy -- you mentioned that school A has a new curriculum next year and are wondering how this will change things. Did you attend the new parent open house or whatever they do there? That seems like a fairly easy question to have answered because I'm sure you aren't the only parent asking. Call an administrator and ask if you missed the new parent welcome thing.

Also, you mentioned school B is a "great school." What are you using to measure? Word of mouth, test scores, where kids go to college? Is it the "IN" school to go to where you live?

Are there at least two sections per grade at each private school? I ask because in a class size of 17 lets say there are 9 girls. Three girls are not a fit as good friends for A for various reasons like different interests and personalities. Two girls are mean. That leaves four girls to "friend" for A. Yes girls mature and change and yes girls can "connect" later on in life. However, if those 17 kids are the ONLY section in the school for their grade that's a pretty tiny pool for friend options. Small classes can be great academically but for all children, feeling a sense of belonging and having buddies to connect with is a huge factor in how kids LIKE school. Smaller schools can be really tough that way.

For me, switching schools in high school isn't a big deal at all. I think kids need to have new "friend pools" and having a small group of friends is great most of the time but any "falling out" can be hard on a kid in a smaller school. You have less options for other friends and it can get tricky with the parents involved. Having friends in smaller schools can get extremely political.

I do get that at school B most of the high school kids attending will have been there since Kindergarten so switching A over for high school would make her the "new girl" times 3. If it pinches the bank account too much it is what it is. Medicine is NOT STABLE. We have a huge rainy day fund for an emergency like being out of a job and I still get nervous. Your income can drop and contracts can be broken JUST LIKE THAT. I'd lean towards protecting the financial well being of your family long term and opt out of school B. I'd rather supplement at home than sacrifice retirement any day of the week.

Good luck on making a decision and sorry if I sounded long winded or scattered. Choosing a school is extremely difficult. Chances are though, you will be happy with whatever you choose in the long run.

[SuzySunshine]

Nope, I appreciate your feedback Flynn - my friends that are parents that have BTDT and teachers have been my best sounding boards.

We had a playdate with another of the parents from School A this morning and when I asked her how they chose school A it was again because of the religious aspect and the regular mass. She also told me that class size shrinks because after 2nd grade (first communion) several families tend to switch schools - really? News to me.

SO conflicted!! Anyway to answer some of Flynn's questions as more sounding/talking/discussing points...

Are they having trouble filling their spots? Summer seems SUPER late for private school spots to still be available.

Their average class size is 20, they can go up to 22 - right now they have 3 classes of 17 for A's K year. So yes, they are having trouble filling their spots - they say it is because of the economy and that it has slowly rebounded over the last 5 years or so.

It sounds like the public schools are battling more than just class size where you live but have you really looked into the one you feed into? Have you taken a tour during school hours last year? Talked to an administrator or other parents? If they are underfunded, why? Do they pass their levys and if not, how long has it gone since they passed one?

The entire state's public school system is a mess! There is currently a lawsuit going on where the districts say the state is underfunding them. To be honest, no we have not toured the local public school. We kind of saw it as a fall back if the catholic school didn't work out or if the kids needed something else and now, of course, this has become an issue. But we bought in this district knowing it was the "first or second best" district in the state.

Suzy -- you mentioned that school A has a new curriculum next year and are wondering how this will change things. Did you attend the new parent open house or whatever they do there?

That is just it - I feel like this curriculum was kept from us - maybe its just the kindergarten parents it was kept from, maybe the families that were already in the school were told they were going to CC last school year but yes, we attended the open house for the kindergartens, we met the teachers, got to ask questions. I took A to K round-up where I had a chance to talk to more parents, etc. Then about a month ago we had the New Parent party where the new parents, their host parents and the teachers (and a few administrators) were all present. I found out about CC about a week after that party and only then when I was poking around the school website looking for something else and then a few days after that when we got the calendar and the date for the "Curriculum night" where the school will be available to answer questions about the new curriculum, etc. That meeting is in September and we will miss it because we will be at BIL's wedding out of state. (To be fair to the school this is a diocese move, all catholic schools in the diocese are switching to CC and I don't think they had a choice in that.)

Also, you mentioned school B is a "great school." What are you using to measure? Word of mouth, test scores, where kids go to college? Is it the "IN" school to go to where you live?

Are there at least two sections per grade at each private school?

School B consistently scores higher then the surrounding HS's (both public and parochial) in ACT/SATs/APs, etc. Their college placement list is very impressive, 10 kids to Stanford in the last 5 years as an example in a class of I think 100-120/year. The alums I have talked to in the last few days says they thought the first year of college was a piece of cake compared to HS, this is BIG for me because I was WOEFULLY unprepared to go to college and am still amazed I didn't flunk out or drop out.

I wouldn't say its the "in" school, I would say I know about the same amount of people that go public vs School A vs School B in our surrounding area and the people we have met/know. There are 3 sections in each class.


I really do appreciate all of the thoughts/comments/feedback, etc. I'm sure there are many of you reading all of this saying - making a frickin decision already! I am trying but just when I think we have something else pops up that makes us go back to the drawing board...