Changing Schools

[alison]

I'm late to this thread, but we are spending a small fortune for dd's pre-k tuition next year. For now, it's what is right for her and our family (we live in a tiny house and have a mortgage that is within our means). That said, I feel like the factors for our area are 1) good location 2) good public school 2) good house, and our budget only allows us to pick 2 of those factors.

You've thought this through! I hope she has a good year.

[Vishenka69]

This has been a heated topic in our house lately and our oldest is only 3. For now we've decided to keep her where she is until 1st grade and then do public school. Most parents' we've surveyed seem to agree that public schools in our district are pretty good and unless the kid needs some extra motivation later on (i.e. high school), we don't really need to do private. DH is super unimpressed with the colleges local high school kids end up in and keeps pushing for private later on. We've both agreed that doing private in elementary school isn't worth it. Our two private schools in the area are both 20-30 min drive and are very pricey. I think by high school they'll both have strong opinions as to where they want to go, so we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

As someone already said, I wouldn't pick a school because A can stay there through 12th grade as you really never know what curveball medicine or life will throw at you and there's a good chance all of us will move at some point in time.

[samssugarmomma]

I don't know that the transition to common core was intentionally kept from you either. We have been in several small catholic schools and the office staff always seem to be lacking in organization and communication. Like, finishing 1 school year without a calendar for the next school year ( ummm, when are we supposed to one back?) , or not having the school supply list until 2 weeks before school starts.
The teachers have been great and principals gave responded promptly to the few problems we've had. They just seem to be disorganized. It drives me nuts!

I think it's the lack of nuns running the schools. Lol

[SuzySunshine]

I am just flabbergasted! Yesterday we had a party with all of the incoming K girls, several of the moms have 2nd and 3rd graders, several voiced their concerns that their kids weren't being challenged enough, that some of the teachers are out dated and they just keep waiting for them to turn over. I wanted to ask - why do you keep sending your kids here then but didn't know how to tactfully say that. Then this afternoon I had a very long conversation with our neighbor whose kids also go to our school. Her oldest just graduated from there - he is SMART! He is going to the all the boys catholic school basically on full scholarship b/c he is so smart - the dad in that family is also a doc and she is also educated yet she stood there and told me how for many years she was worried her kids weren't challenged enough, how her son went to K knowing how to read but it took the teacher 6 weeks to figure that out because she was so concerned about the fact that he wouldn't sit, wouldn't settle etc. Her youngest had the same teacher that A is going to have and she proceeds to tell me that she's very good, the kids learn a lot but she's not nurturing, not very nice, that she believes the kids should sit at their desks and do their work and follow instructions. DH and I are just shocked, this is not at all what we were told or the vibe we got while school shopping, I feel like we've made the totally wrong decision and that we're going to be fixing this all year. I just don't even know what to think now.

[scrub-jay]

I'd still trust your vibe first. Who knows what impacts one person's opinion. I've got my fingers crossed for a good fit...when A actually starts that is

For example: Everyone loved my dd's last preschool/center but my circumstances made our experience there less than stellar. They were consistently top-rated, so most people did not share my opinion.

[MarissaNicole]

So did you stick with the one from last year?

Wife to PGY4

[SuzySunshine]

Yes we have stuck with the catholic school for now, it's technically not the same school. R is at A's old preschool but the preschool has no ties to the grade school other then the church.

[Sheherezade]

Two thoughts:
No matter what school you are in, the parents WILL complain. Honestly, the fact that they are engaged enough to bitch about teachers that aren't up to snuff can be a good thing.

Second, there are mediocre teachers out there. There are also AWESOME.teachers. It's a mystery to me why good school districts keep around teachers that a clearly not up to their normal standards - but I've seen it in a number of districts. Usually parents scramble to keep there kids away from them. There are also PHENOMENAL teachers and when your kid gets them you will be so happy. Most of the time, the staff falls in between. Maybe that's just normal.

I'd wait and see how this first year goes and get an idea of where the school is headed. Also, seek out older parents. They can give you an idea of the larger picture. If they've been dissatisfied more than happy, that's a big warning.

I wouldn't put a lot of weight to a few moms bitching about bad teachers. That's pretty standard at good schools.

[Ladybug]

Another piece of advice, stay away from the moms that are predisposed to fall into criticizing teachers. They tend to gather in groups at pick up and/or hang out after drop off, and the teachers are aware of who they are and what they are saying. Keep all the mommy social groups at an arm's distance for the first year (hi, bye, just picking up my kids, great to see you, etc.) until you get a real feel for the mommy groups.

Teachers are human and they are much more guarded, less emotionally open, hugging and engaging, with students whose mothers they are weary of. Especially in a private, big money school setting.

Do what you can to really get to know the teachers first hand, volunteer, help, talk to them but be respectful of busy times for them, etc. Don't start the relationship with my kid needs to be more challenged. Everybody says that. Start with something you like and build the relationship from there. They will be more open to suggestions afterwards.

I agree with giving a good year first. There are a lot of moms that complain about our school and seem hyperfocused on academics, but it's a fantastic fit for my kids. I don't expect them to be challenged and pushed every second of the day. I'm OK with the group moving along together, as long as they are moving successfully, both academically, emotionally and interpersonally. There is so much more than reading and math that they are learning at school. Social and emotional group dynamics are a big deal to me, emotional health and character development matter to me, and I feel like our school definitely exceeds the public school in these areas. The classes are smaller and the teachers are more involved in the day to day squabbles and talking it out...which happens a lot at an all girls school

[HouseofWool]

I agree that great schools can have mediocre teachers. C's teacher in 3rd grade was adequate, but he didn't inspire anything in the students. Whereas his current teacher is outstanding.

[SuzySunshine]

I appreciate all of the BTDT advice guys, it really does help.

It seems right now I'm hearing more about bad teachers, hopefully that changes.

[Pollyanna]

I
It seems right now I'm hearing more about bad teachers, hopefully that changes.

You might just be chatting with the moms that would criticize the teacher of the year. Ladybug is EXACTLY right, stay the hell away from those groups of women. I promise you that they exist everywhere and they are never happy.

And if I had a dime for every parent that whined, "my child is not being challenged" I'd be rich. It happens at every flipping curriculum night. Some parent has to tell the group how smart their genius child is and then pressure the teachers on how they will meet his needs. Seriously, it is standard fare. IF you are looking for a school that can manage children outside the average category then a Catholic school attached to a parish will never make you happy. Those schools do not have the resources to manage truly (not parent diagnosed) gifted children. On the same end, if you have a child that really struggles the resources won't be there either. Parish schools are great for 95% of children but if you have an outlier it won't be a good fit. But give it time. You're looking at Kindergarten right now. Some kids will be reading others will be able to only recognize half the alphabet. Trust me, most catch up by first grade.

I would encourage you to stop worrying, stay away from mommy cliques, and really just enjoy the year. Focus on how your child is doing in the school, all the other stuff is just static.

[Sheherezade]

I don't want to confuse you more... BUT

I'm not sure staying the hell away from those moms is a great idea. They have a lot of info. I'd just take it all with a grain of salt. I agree that there are always malcontents and they blabber on and often make trouble, but they will do a lot of ground work for you on finding out what's what. If you can use that info without becoming entangled in any schemes, etc. you can make it work for you. It is political and catty so beware.

Also, I've unfortunately found HERE that the squeaky wheel sometimes gets the grease. So, instead of the children of moms that bitch and maneuver being kept at arms length, they are the ones that get the silly little awards, the extra credit trips to events, and eventually the small local scholarships. Again.... it's politics. Not all shenanigans will lead to good results (I've heard of a few parents being "banned" informally by staff) but unfortunately, some do. At least here. I've been bummed that I missed the boat on some of that thinking I could be more high minded. Maybe it's as simple as the school throwing the parent a bone to get them off there back - but still. They got the bone! LOL FWIW, this kind of BS would have been shut DOWN in Boston. It's taken me a long time to realize that the rules change with the new locale. You have to figure yours out for yourself.

So.... tread carefully and try not to take every decision so seriously. You will make some mistakes along the way but I doubt that any of them will be truly damaging.

I worry for you sometimes because from your posts it sounds like your area is very similar to ours. Ours is great - but the parent politics are OY. Just OY! It's a lot to deal with. I guess I'm thinking this because I know you've also struggled with clique behavior with the moms. Hopefully, that breaks down over time. I think it has here but it was intense through about 3rd grade.

[Flynn]

A big "WORD" to what Ladybug said.

Also, you are making the best decision you can, NOW. You can only take into consideration what you know...NOW. Deep breath. There is no RIGHT AND WRONG answer here. There is only do the research, get the vibes, talk to parents and then take a leap of faith and decide. Changing your mind down the road is NOT a failure on your part. It's just...life!

This is really the first small step where you have no control in certain areas of As life and it can be really humbling. Trust yourself.

[houseelf]

I have to say that "bad teacher" is relative. Two years ago my son drew the "bad teacher" which means that she was uber strict and didn't take any crap. Parents flee from this particular teacher because she might damage their child's self esteem. I'm not saying that I want this woman to tuck my kids in at night, but she taught him to toe the line. Honestly, I kind of liked her old school ways and would like more hard ass teachers like her.

When I think of bad teachers, I think of lazy and overly permissive teachers who just don't get down to business. Each of my first two children has had a year with what I would consider a "bad teacher" under this criteria. (One of which happened in a $7k/year private school). While I was definitely underwhelmed by the lack of curriculum presented, it didn't come close to being devastating. My kids are still doing great academically.