Changing Schools

[SuzySunshine]

So I went back and looked at her K handbook and this is what it says:
Discipline: We encourage positive and appropriate behavior each day. At the beginning of each month, a behavior sheet will be stapled to your child's folder. At the end of each day they will color in using a green, yellow, or red crayon on the designated date to let you know how their day went at school. A green colored day means they had a FABULOUS day! A yellow colored day means a teacher had to remind them to follow directions, respect rules, etc and they need to think about their actions and redirect their behavior so they can focus and be a better learner. A red colored day means you will receive a phone call from either me or assistant principal. Thank you for your support with this system."

I'm not sure if all 3 K classes us this or if it is just ours.

[peggyfromwastate]

Yeah we have dealt with the idiotic color thing with each kid. J just started preK and no color codes yet, but ds9 had them in the 3rd grade class last year. The teacher never wrote what he did wrong specifically. But he had to color it, and I was supposed to sign it. I think I was supposed to care. I don't know. When ds9 was in 2nd grade the worst thing that happened to him the whole year was that his card got flipped to red. (Different school-- same idea. Each kid had a card, you start with green, when you do age appropriate but annoying things to an adult the card is flipped to yellow. Being on red is just pretty much an indicator that you WILL end up a felon someday. It's almost as bad as smoking. But I digress...).

So ds9 in 2nd grade stood on a chair. Bingo- card flipped to red. In first grade, one time he wrote on a chair. Card flipped to red. Note home to me. The twins in first grade concocted a plan to steal prize erasers from the treasure chest in class bc earning them for good behavior was just taking too long. The plan was actually ingenious. Twin 1 distracted the teacher while twin 2 raided the treasure box for the tiny erasers. Teacher found out and I got a note, their cards were red, AND I was accosted in the school parking lot by the teacher to rat those two little devils out. A healthy side of public humiliation never hurts anyone right? And I will never forget my precious strong willed dd1 in 2nd grade with the sweet 21 year old fresh from college teacher. Ms Lilly. Well, Ms Lilly required perfect behavior for an entire week. Then the good kids, who had kept their green card the whole time, got to have a fun day on Friday. The bad kids had to stay inside during recess (they only had 1 recess a day). Dd1 NEVER made it to the Friday. Eventually she just misbehaved at the start of the week bc she knew it was inevitable. Ms Lilly was so concerned--- she wanted me to work magic at home I told her-- a reward system like this will never motivate a kid. Especially not my kid. All she's learned is that she's a bad kid.

Anyway, these behavior charts are pretty much in every school we've ever been in. They are pervasive. I have up fighting the system and at home I just downplay the charts. I tell the kids openly that I think the reward charts are silly, I will not sign them, but if the kids want to sign for me they can go right ahead. I tell them they will not get in trouble with me unless they do something I think is worth addressing. So far none of my kids has ever done anything truly egregious that I thought needed my attention. And in spite of my non-support of the stupid behavior charts, I got along well with all the kids teachers and I'm sure the teachers didn't know (exactly) how stupid I thought the system was.

Last year ds9 (in 3rd grade then) had the worst year ever bar none. He had a very complicated behavior chart of multiple shades of green with purple bring the bestest behavior ever. Teacher told me "almost no one ever gets purple." One day ds9 got purple, and I emailed the teacher how excited he was to get purple, how he talked about it nonstop, and did he do anything special to get purple? She said that she had no idea it would be so exciting to him and that she'd be sure to give out more purples in the future. WTF?

First job for you it to change that policy of no email. That is ridiculous. That needs to change. I can email every teacher at any time. I expect a response. It's important to have that line of communication open. I would say, "since I'm not allowed to communicate with you via email, I need to set up a weekly telephone conference with you to check on As progress. It would really be easier to email as issues arise, but since I can't do that a weekly phone conference is what I need l."

Good luck. May the force be with you.

[SuzySunshine]

According to the school the e-mail policy is a diocese policy. Off to ask my friends who have kids in other catholic schools...

Also according to our neighbor girl who had Mrs T for K and is now a 4th grader, they have flip cards on their desk that are the colors and they color their square based on what color their card is at the end of the day - but A hasn't' mentioned that and Mrs T didn't mention it at Parents' night.

[Sheherezade]

I love you Peggy.

[Pollyanna]

So I went back and looked at her K handbook and this is what it says:
Discipline: We encourage positive and appropriate behavior each day.

Talking and singing in the bathroom seems like perfectly appropriate behavior for anyone if you ask me. I would ask the teacher wth that sentence means exactly.

[BonBon]

The broken crayon story is what bothers me...to me that's an indicator of the teacher being frustrated/annoyed enough to grab A's crayon and was using it hard enough to break it. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but that would upset me.

One of DS' classes did that color coded bullshit. He really toes the line though, so when he finally got a yellow it was because he ran out of pencils and didn't have the foresight to bring in some more from home. I think that was first grade. *eyeroll* If my girls ever had colors, I never heard about it. My A would be getting yellows most days for sure.

I think expectations that kids are going to be little robots who sit obediently all day is a bit much, especially for kindergarten. When I was in K 36 years ago(!) it was a half day in which we sang the alphabet song, wrote our name, did crafts, took a nap, ran around, and that's pretty much it.

[Pollyanna]

According to the school the e-mail policy is a diocese policy. Off to ask my friends who have kids in other catholic schools...

Also according to our neighbor girl who had Mrs T for K and is now a 4th grader, they have flip cards on their desk that are the colors and they color their square based on what color their card is at the end of the day - but A hasn't' mentioned that and Mrs T didn't mention it at Parents' night.

Do the upper grades have a ton of homework? My issues with Catholic schools (and our kids are currently in a preK-8) is that many are rigid and assign excessive busy work. My other issue is that overly rigid teachers tend to not be loving and then IMO are not living the beauty and joy of the Catholic faith and part of a Catholic school should be seeing and experiencing that joy throughout the day.

Ask around. There is no way to really know how a school operates and if it works for your child until you're in it. In the end know that this is all much more upsetting to you than A.

[SuzySunshine]

So I'm hearing more and more about "bad" teachers - and I've been told by several that Mrs. T is not touchy feely and is very structured.

This is what the handbook says about homework:
K: Reinforcement/story time (although Mrs T said we need to spend 20-30 minutes/week with the kids on a web based math program)
1: 20 min day/home reading
2-3: 20-30 min
4-6: 40-60 min
7-8: 60-90

I'm thinking about e-mailing the teacher about this and feigning stupid/new mom if she calls me on it regardless of the diocese policy.

[HouseofWool]

I cannot imagine not being able to email my kids teacher! (Says the mom who has one teacher's personal email, home and cell numbers and the work email home and cell number of the other).

Honestly though, not being touchy-feely isn't a big deal. C's 4K teacher wasn't, but we all adored her. I'm not a fan of the color chart thing though. I really dislike them.

[diggitydot]

Have y'all used crayons lately? Those fuckers break like they're made of angel wings and virgins' tears. Every single one in the box will be in pieces by the end of the month.

[weeniegeniewife]

I'm thinking about e-mailing the teacher about this and feigning stupid/new mom if she calls me on it regardless of the diocese policy.

This seems weird to me. When my DD was at a Catholic school for K and 1st grade, the teachers emailed us every day, and welcomed email communication. I wonder why your diocese won't allow it? Odd.

[samssugarmomma]

Wow! We've been in three catholic schools and they all encouraged email if there were questions.

We've also had the colored behavior carts, and I've seen them in the public schools too. I think they are just trying to give the kids a visual on how they are doing. The teachers comments are probably meant to give you feedback as to why she got a yellow. It's probably not a big deal.

My DD2 has been in kindergarten for three weeks and she only knows the names of three kids - one that she went on school w last year, one that we saw every morning at morning prayer, and one that we've played with outside of school. I wouldn't worry about the name thing, some kids just don't care about learning names.

A sounds like a Great kid and I wouldn't worry bout the behavior chart unless you start getting phone calls.

[PrincessFiona]

I missed the broken crayon thing. :/ I would have cried over A's first days, Cheri. I feel nervous getting ready to send Zoe off in a couple of weeks because I don't want her to be unhappy or have a teacher she doesn't love. I know it's unrealistic, and that she will have teachers and classroom experiences that aren't positive, but I just don't have the ability to not feel upset when things aren't going smoothly.

The yellow card thing would eat at me ... but my guess is that A is okay with it. All of the kids are being taught those silly cards and many of them will get warnings in the early weeks.

Hugs, Cheri .... This parenting thing is not easy.

[PrincessFiona]

Have y'all used crayons lately? Those fuckers break like they're made of angel wings and virgins' tears. Every single one in the box will be in pieces by the end of the month.

Awesome description!

[diggitydot]

The discouraging if emails is weird to me, too. All of our kids' teachers in the 5 different districts we've lived have preferred emails over just about any other kind of communication.