Changing Schools

[SuzySunshine]

That is a good suggestion Deb, I just sent her a note - she always talked so fondly of A and A of her, hopefully she'll have some insight. The teacher didn't really have any insights other then we need to tell her that she needs to listen and follow directions. I just talked to DH we're going to noodle it around and talk to her tonight.

I'm wondering if giving her some motivation, like getting to do something fun/special after so many green days will help..

This parenting gig is HARD!

[diggitydot]

Changing Schools

DS had some issues beginning in Kindergarten and honestly, the only way I got a true idea of what he was pulling was to hide in the teacher's office and observe him for a while.

Yours is a completely different situation from ours, though. DS has a language disorder and instead of pushing his parents more than anyone else, he pushes others to see what he can get away with doing. He knows that shit doesn't fly at home, even a little.

I was getting reports from his teacher of him rolling around under the tables and screaming/crying/throwing fits. I was appalled and he has NEVER behaved that way at home. When I snuck into the office from the classroom on the other side, the little shit was throwing a gawd awful fit, the likes I'd never seen. I watched him act like a dick for about 10 minutes before I turned on the light in the office and gave him the stink eye until he noticed me. He straightened right up as soon as he noticed me and NEVER tried that ever again.

His teacher asked if I could volunteer in class because his behavior did such a crazy 180 with me there. Once that classroom had the stink of mom all over it, he didn't even attempt to get away with shit.

I'm in no way implying that your kiddo is in anyway sneaky like our DS, just that behavior you've never experienced from her before isn't unheard of once kids hit school.

[weeniegeniewife]

This parenting gig is HARD!

It gets worse as they progress through elementary school.

I had the same thought as Jenn, in that it sounds like she's using a stress coping mechanism. It definitely sounds like self-soothing to me. In that case, I would address it with her and find a non-disruptive way she can self-soothe.

[SuzySunshine]

So we talked to her tonight and she tells us that she was doing it so that Mrs T would know what she was doing. I think the class size of 18 with one teacher is to much for her, I think she's afraid she's getting lost. I talked to her preschool teacher today who reminded me that it also took A a few weeks to follow instructions at the beginning of preschool last year but that she and Ms J were best of friends by the end. We encouraged A that we know she's smart and that Mrs T knows she's smart because she's gotten stars on all of her worksheets, even the listening ones.

Of course that prompted her to say she wants to go to the smart school, the private school we considered sending them to, I don't remember ever calling it that but she had to have gotten it somewhere.

The other thing her preschool teacher reminded me of is that when she was there for a full day last year she had school in the morning and then her afternoon was the extended care which is all playing and crafts - so that is what she thinks full day should be. Granted she does have her "extra" classes in the afternoon now like PE, Art and Music but there are still rules.

We've told her if she comes home with 3 greens for the rest of the week she can pick a special ice cream treat or we'll go out for ice cream this weekend. I hate to do that because I feel like I'm bribing her but I hope she'll feel that green days are good...

[diggitydot]

Don't ever feel bad for bribing your kid. One of life's lessons is that you get rewards when you do what is desired, even if that reward is in the form of a paycheck, continued employment, promotion, decent grades, whatever.

[MrsK]

. . . she tells us that she was doing it so that Mrs T would know what she was doing. I think the class size of 18 with one teacher is to much for her, I think she's afraid she's getting lost.

So, how come Mrs T couldn't figure this out? I mean, at least 4 moms here suggested this within minutes of your post about Mrs T's call. I hate to throw a teacher under the bus but I do think you should follow up with her and tell her about your discussion with A. Perhaps Mrs T could reassure A that she is not getting lost and that Mrs T notices when A follows directions. Seems that A is getting attention (negative attention but attention) for being disruptive when the teacher could be instructing the class to QUIETLY take out your crayons and then looking around the room and acknowledging "Oh, I see A, B, and C taking their crayons out quietly. Good job." As parents and teachers, sometimes it's hard to "catch them being good." From A's perspective, she's following instructions and speaking up because she's looking for reassurance that she's doing the right thing; it's confusing when she essentially says "Hey, Mrs T, look at me being good" and the teacher tells her she's being naughty.

[SuzySunshine]

I agree with you MrsK and I'm going to let the next 3 days play out before I approach it again. Next week she also has a short week, they are off Monday & Tuesday (why??) so we'll see.

I ran into my "mentor mom" (they pair each incoming K family with an experienced family) at Starbucks after drop off this morning. She was there with another mom who has a 1st grader, my "mom's" youngest is also a 1st grader. They said that they too were amazed at how quickly they clamped down on them last year and that Mrs T is known for being a hard ass. They said they feel like their kids have much more leeway this year in 1st grade. But they were still upset (right word?) that they had called me and threatened a red day. They said to give it a few more weeks and see how it goes. I also talked to them about the fact that the teacher hasn't addressed the fact that there is a little girl with Downs in their class - A has mentioned several times that she gets in trouble or lot or come and goes a lot. I guess I was surprised that this hadn't been addressed with the class, as were they. I don't know, I just feel like 2 of the 3 K teachers and the principal aren't very friendly to the kids and really spoil the whole love of learning experience.

[MrsK]

I'd approach Mrs T as a partner in A's education. Frame it as a partnership between you, your DH and Mrs T and a desire to present a united front and a desire to reinforce at home what A is learning at school. If Mrs T sees you as an adversary or critic, she may become defensive. I would follow up with Mrs T right away so she knows that you did promptly address it with A and so she has some immediate insight into A's behaviour. Otherwise, Mrs T is left wondering whether you did anything at all and she may come down even harder on A if she feels like this should have been taken care of at home. Communication is essential here.

[SuzySunshine]

I sent her an e-mail last night telling her we had addressed it, how, etc. and asking her to make sure she praised A if she gets green days the rest of the week.

[SuzySunshine]

Another thing I just thought of that irks me - a friend on fb mentioned Jim Fay - which makes me recall that the school has this huge Love & Logic library that they encourage parents to check out and use yet I don't see that being used AT ALL in A's class. I'm just sad we've made the wrong choice.

[MrsK]

Something else to keep in mind: Mrs T is not only breaking A in/teaching her how school works, she's breaking you in too. There is a learning curve for parents of kindergartners just as much as there is for the kids. I've found this to be the case every time K1 has moved up to a new classroom in his current arrangement. (I remember freaking out when he started the ones room and had to sleep on a cot, when he moved up to the twos and the teachers stopped sending home daily reports of what he did and how much he age, and really feeling the squeeze when he moved up to the preschool/pre-K class.) You'll all get used to it.

[HouseofWool]

Cheri - another thing to keep in mind is that the teachers have a tendency to be a hard ass the first couple of weeks to ensure that everyone knows the rules and that they will be enforced. A month from now, the classroom dynamic may loosen up as everyone has settled into the routine.

The parenting gig is so hard, but YOU need to stop second guessing yourself. Who knows what teacher A would have at the other school it could be better or it could be worse. There is no way to know.

[peggyfromwastate]

I would consider small rewards for each day she has a green. Three days in a row maybe too long to start.

I do not approve of the color system for this age. They do have it in dd5s K class but I don't think they've used it. She would be getting yellow every day or red. She's testing waters right now and testing the teacher's patience. If teacher says "put your things in your backpack now to get ready to go home" she puts her stuff on top of the backpack.

As far as the tired-- my dd was so enthusiastic about school the first week, loving the social stuff, the lunch, everything. She's grumpy and tired this week. We've moved up bedtime by 30 min for the time being. This is a totally normal thing to go through-- all my kids did it.

ETA: what I wanted to say is that due to the color system it seems like A has focused on getting her teachers approval to the point that she feels it's necessary to narrate everything she does. Is she saying "I'm talking and disturbing class" or "I love ponies they are so cute my favorite color is purple"? She's narrating what she's doing to stay on task. It's so tough when a 5 year old feels like her teacher doesn't approve of her. Or doesn't like her. I'd really watch this aspect of it all and if that's the case (that she starts feeling like she's a "bad" kid who's always in trouble) I'd really consider pulling her out of school. Overreaction? Maybe. But trust me--- you don't want a foundation for school to be set with a negative teacher child interaction.

[Pollyanna]

I wouldn't say you've made the wrong choice. What's to say the same thing wouldn't be happening in the other school? Like MrsK suggested, continue to communicate and be a united front with the teacher. Kinder is not all sunshine and rainbows anymore. It's actually much more like first grade used to be when we were kids. I know it's worrisome but really I think a's issue is pretty minor. Try to stay firm and matter of fact. I know she had different expectations for kinder but she's 5, it'll be okay and she'll be okay.
If you feel like she needs to move schools next year that will be okay but I wouldn't give her a vote or even let her know its an option.

[diggitydot]

Changing Schools

I wouldn't jump to the "we made a mistake" conclusion just yet, either. Nothing you've described seems all that abnormal.