Polar Express Day

[MrsK]

In truth, as irritated as I am, it's not the hill I'll die on. I think it's being handled badly and it's made me feel more hostile towards this teacher but I have bigger fish to fry. It's just the lack of understanding or even reasonable attempt at understanding it frustrating. Remember, our opinions were requested and then disregarded. I thought we, as a society, had evolved beyond this.

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[Sheherezade]

She obviously planned poorly. If it's not that important, just decide on how she'd handle the cookies. If she'd see them as fun and a cute way to interject diversity, go for it. If she will see them as a passive aggressive move from "that mom", resist the urge and either send in unseasonal cookies (chocolate chip or something) or fruit/packaged snacks.

[MAPPLEBUM]

She obviously planned poorly. If it's not that important, just decide on how she'd handle the cookies. If she'd see them as fun and a cute way to interject diversity, go for it. If she will see them as a passive aggressive move from "that mom", resist the urge and either send in unseasonal cookies (chocolate chip or something) or fruit/packaged snacks.

Yea I think it rests on whether or not they still sense her frustration. If they can tell she's still upset they'll take the cookies as passive aggressive. I'm beginning to think whenever it comes to these personal / impersonal interactions it's pretty much never in your best interest to show how frustrated you are with someone. Every time I do I end up regretting it.

[MrsK]

So, it was yesterday. The teacher sent home and email talking about how much fun the kids had and how happy they were to goof off and not work all day. The kids all got a bell and a ticket on the polar express. When I picked up K1, he was crying because he rang his bell when the teacher wanted quiet so she took it away. He was also upset because he said she scolded them for misbehaving in music class. I couldn't deal with it because I was rushing K2 to the doctor at the time. When we got home, he fished his ticket out of his backpack. It said "I Believe" on it. I asked him what he's supposed to believe. He said "in Santa." I asked if he believes in Santa. He said yes but he's throwing the ticket away because we're Jewish and Santa doesn't come to our house. He's not disappointed. He's just not buying it.

He's really rational and lately he's been saying that a lot of religious stories just don't make sense. He's really well on his way to being an agnostic Jew. He gets the whole cultural, ethnic, allegorical point but not the literal interpretations.

His friend's mom did the Hannukah presentation today. She said that one of the kids said he wanted to be Jewish and K1 started explaining that religion/belief is a choice and the teacher shut down the discussion.

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[MrsK]

Oh, and I didn't send the passive aggressive menorah cookies. We celebrated hannukah at home with his friend's family. (He unwittingly recognized a familiarity with the only other Jewish student in his class during the first week of school and they have been inseparable ever since. So glad they can be different together.) The friend's mom got the same letter I did and also decided she had bigger battles. It's probably the Jewish Mother Form Letter that they have been sending for 30 years. Since everyone drops it, they probably think that they are handling it well. Anyway, I sent round sugar cookies with sprinkles and K1 says he didn't eat any.

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[scrub-jay]

The bell thing is absurd! In the movie, IIRC, the kids ring the bell and it only jingles if they believe in Santa. Soooo...you give kids a bell, they ring it, and get in trouble? *eye roll* What did they honestly think was going to happen with a noise-maker? Honestly?!

[MrsK]

The bell thing is absurd! In the movie, IIRC, the kids ring the bell and it only jingles if they believe in Santa. Soooo...you give kids a bell, they ring it, and get in trouble? *eye roll* What did they honestly think was going to happen with a noise-maker? Honestly?!

It gets better! *sarcastic*

Just after I posted my last comment to this thread, K1 got in the car and cheerfully told me that he got his bell back. Then he said his teacher told them that "if you can hear the bell ring, it's because you believe in the Spirit of Christmas." And because he can hear the bell, (rational SPD/Aspy kid that he is) then that's proof he believes in the Sprit of Christmas.

I'm blowing a gasket. I'm really trying to hold it in -- wondering if I'm just overly sensitive and hostile toward educators because K2's school botched their response to his allergy attack -- but this really smells like indoctrination.

[MrsK]

The school librarian told them that the Polar Express is true because she saw the boy on the train that very night when she, herself, was a little girl. Never mind that a few months ago, that same librarian taught the kids the difference between nonfiction and fiction. Now what do I do? Tell my kid there is no Santa so he can spoil the fun for all his classmates?

[MrsK]

I know that these sound like the rantings of an angry perimenopausal housewife but .... raising a child in a minority culture or with a minority faith in a secular world feels like swimming upstream. I shouldn't be forced to opt out of public education to shield my children from indoctrination. I don't think it's appropriate for a public school to be teaching impressionable kindergartners to "believe" whether it's in Christmas, Santa, etc. It forces parents who don't "believe" to contradict the teacher. It's one thing to say some kids do x, some kids do y.... but this steps beyond that to providing evidence that there is Santa, a Spirit of Christmas, faith.....It's not appropriate. Given that I have 16 more years of public education to go and two more kids going through kindergarten, I really don't know what to do. It's not a matter of opting out of one lesson or one movie....we'd have to opt out of the whole month. The teacher may have thought that the day was all fun and games but the kids *did* learn something that day.

[MAPPLEBUM]

Even more so I think it's appropriate you didn't send the cookies. What they're doing is totally wrong. I have no idea what recourse you should take but at least you haven't gotten down on their level. My feeling is you don't want mud slinging. Your response should be thoughtful and leaving them with ZERO doubt they should not act this way. If it's any consolation i know of many mother's who would have been furious if that was their kid. I CANNOT believe professionals said that to your child. I'm so sorry.

[MrsK]

Sinterklass (Swiss Santa Claus) also left the candy for the kids the other day. K1 conceded that his teacher, and not Santa Claus, might have left the bells but "she was there the whole time" when Sinterklass left the candy! It's not that believing in Santa Claus/Sinterklass is inherently wrong. But I just think she's taken it a step beyond some kids do Christmas/some kids do Hannukah/kids in Switzerland do Sinterklass to actually convincing the kids that Santa Claus/Sinterklass is real. So, then my kid is asking whether Santa Claus/Sinterklass skips our house because being Jewish is bad.

She's loses credibility if I tell my kid not to believe her... or the librarian who doesn't know fiction from nonfiction. I don't want to undermine the teacher but I feel like she's undermining me.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

That's ridiculous beyond belief at a public school. We aren't big Santa people even as Christians so I'd be annoyed too. She's clearly selling a specific brand and it's not ok.

[houseelf]

I typed out a long response, but deleted it because it talked more about my longstanding issues with how Americans celebrate what is to some the holiest holiday in the Christian tradition. But that is more about my longstanding dislike of many American Christmas traditions rather than your very valid belief that you have been both gaslighted and marginalized. I'm so sorry. I see this and I don't like it. It's not o.k. Look, I'm conflict avoidant but this may actually be worthy of a healthy chat to clear the air with the powers that be.

Sorry this happened to you.

[MrsK]

I really don't know what to do. It's done. But I don't know if it will happen in other grades. And I don't want to make an enemy when I need her support for K1's IEP and my other two could end up in her class. K1 could have misunderstood her but that really does not matter if this is his take away message. (I will say, all 3 of my kids were looking at me with wide eyed shock when I insisted that I hear the bell and I do NOT believe." I felt like the grinch.) DrK suggested going to the school board but then what do I do when K2 and Lambie end up in this class? I'd forever be the mom who ruined Christmas. I'd be shunned by the PTA and all the neighbors. And then the school board probably wouldn't understand either.

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[houseelf]

I do agree that you need to save your fight because you may have another one that is more personal to accommodate K1s needs. That sucks. I'm sorry that you don't have another friend (particularly a gentile) who stands up for you. hugs.