6 Ways To Be A Fabulous Partner in 2016

[gcuthbe1]

I'm an Obliger... No surprise I made the accountability group, huh? Lol

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[MAPPLEBUM]

LOL. Yeah, on second thought, a Rebel would really struggle with things like getting to yoga class regularly and meeting financial goals -- and would really find it tough to be married to an Upholder, which it sounds like C is!

Omg DH got rebel!! I think it was just his mood.

[spotty_dog]

Omg DH got rebel!! I think it was just his mood.

LOL, yikes! Yeah, I feel like med school and residency would tend to chew a Rebel up and spit him out. But on the other hand, supposedly they work well within highly structured environments, because it feeds their energy to have something to rebel *against*. And although I took y'all's discussion about weight loss ("You just have to try harder, anyone can do it," wasn't that basically his position?) to be a strong indicator that he's good with internal expectations and judgy against those who aren't -- Upholder traits! -- they say that Rebels can do absolutely anything they WANT to do, as long as they don't feel obligated to do it. So who knows!

[MAPPLEBUM]

LOL, yikes! Yeah, I feel like med school and residency would tend to chew a Rebel up and spit him out. But on the other hand, supposedly they work well within highly structured environments, because it feeds their energy to have something to rebel *against*. And although I took y'all's discussion about weight loss ("You just have to try harder, anyone can do it," wasn't that basically his position?) to be a strong indicator that he's good with internal expectations and judgy against those who aren't -- Upholder traits! -- they say that Rebels can do absolutely anything they WANT to do, as long as they don't feel obligated to do it. So who knows!

Yea I think he's an Upholder.

[gem]

Interesting. I'm an Upholder. I'm sure DH is an Upholder. It never occurred to me that there are other types of people.

[Phoebe]

I'm an obliger. No surprise.

+1


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[MsSassyBaskets]

It never occurred to me that there are other types of people.

Lol. I think that might be the thing about upholders.

I'm an obliger, I guess. Kind of makes sense - I have trouble doing things for myself, trouble forming habits, and often do things because I feel I should. I have a dash of rebel, though - my mother says I would cut off my own nose to spite my face. So refusing to oblige is my ultimate rebellion - when I've had enough with someone, that's exactly what I do.

My biggest problem might be that I project obligations on myself, assuming that other people care about something when they don't. I'm getting better at this though - I can tell myself "DH doesn't care if his drawers are organized," "MIL doesn't care if I cook a nice dinner," etc. and relieve myself of a self imposed obligation. I'm starting to recognize when I actually do those things for me. Then if I still want to do them for me, great!

I wonder what DH is. Definitely not an Obliger. Sometimes wish he was.

[spotty_dog]

So refusing to oblige is my ultimate rebellion - when I've had enough with someone, that's exactly what I do.

This is a thing too. Rubin calls it Obliger Rebellion.