Want to know what you all are experiencing or have experienc

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Re: Want to know what you all are experiencing or have experienc

Hi RELLA,

welcome to iMSN, glad you found people who understand what you're going through.

we're long distance too (cleveland to boston) but have no kids.

something you said though concerned me: "i've given up trying".

i totally understand how hard it is to keep trying when you feel like you're not getting a lot back. i confess that i believe med school can make them a little selfish and the challenges with him not being able to call often must be terrible. at the same time though, if you've stopped trying, then he might be feeling like he can stop too. your posts sound like you really love him though so maybe it was just frustration but i wonder if you've said to him that you've stopped trying? or that you feel like he's not trying. i think for the sake of the kids, you need to put it all out there when he visits in March. can you send the kids away so you'll be alone for the weekend? i know it will be sad for your son not to see his father but repairing your relationship would be better for your son in the long run.

[RELLA]

Re: Want to know what you all are experiencing or have experienc

You're right. I really do love him. But I also do feel like it's him that's not trying. I do so much for him. I send him pictures every single day, I send him little care packages etc etc. When he came home at Christmas it was wonderful, but we were having problems being intimate. I became suspicious and later found out he was exchanging suggestive e-mails with another student behind my back. Now I don't trust him and don't feel like trying. He apologized and we talked the issue out, but my faith in the whole relationship is quite shaken.

[madeintaiwan]

Re: Want to know what you all are experiencing or have experienc

To me, it seems like a personal choice that he's making rather than an "I'm a busy doctor thing." Medicine does not consume every single minute of your time. It consumes a great deal of it, but not ALL. It causes you to make sacrifices and it does make you have to get creative in you do make connections. We're PGY2 ortho, we have 3 kids. We live half the country away from any family. He works on average 80-100 hours a week. There have been countless times when the kids have gone days without seeing their dad. But when there is time off, he makes time for me and the kids. Especially the kids. And somehow he still fits in basketball, racquetball, and lifting weights. But when he is not working, we do come first. Doctor or not, if someone wants to make time they will. If it were me and it seemed as if my SO was unwilling to make any effort, I would have to step back and evaluate things and make decisions accordingly. Being a doctor is never an excuse to blatantly disregard your family. There are some men and women who are JUST like that. It's not segregated only to medicine.

[MrsK]

Re: Want to know what you all are experiencing or have experienc

[RELLA]

Re: Want to know what you all are experiencing or have experienc

To me, it seems like a personal choice that he's making rather than an "I'm a busy doctor thing." Medicine does not consume every single minute of your time. It consumes a great deal of it, but not ALL. It causes you to make sacrifices and it does make you have to get creative in you do make connections. We're PGY2 ortho, we have 3 kids. We live half the country away from any family. He works on average 80-100 hours a week. There have been countless times when the kids have gone days without seeing their dad. But when there is time off, he makes time for me and the kids. Especially the kids. And somehow he still fits in basketball, racquetball, and lifting weights. But when he is not working, we do come first. Doctor or not, if someone wants to make time they will. If it were me and it seemed as if my SO was unwilling to make any effort, I would have to step back and evaluate things and make decisions accordingly. Being a doctor is never an excuse to blatantly disregard your family. There are some men and women who are JUST like that. It's not segregated only to medicine.

About the personal choice thing - I think you're right on the money on that one. I know that already in my heart and I'm afraid of losing him. Therefore, I thought the best way to handle it was to give him his space. The last thing I want to do is stifle him. We are so great when he's home. So great together with the kids and everything, I guess maybe I am freaking out more than usual because of the recent events that I mentioned earlier.

Re: Want to know what you all are experiencing or have experienc

Hey everyone, Gary will be a 3rd year med student end of May. We don't see him very much since he is in Grenada and we are in Florida. I keep worrying that he will forget us and turn into one of those career crazed maniacs and not make family his priority. But, like one of you said, I would rather be with him and handle his frequent abscences than not have him in my life at all. It's just so incredibly hard sometimes. We have a 2 year old son and 4 year old daughter plus obnoxious family dog Zeus. He hardly ever calls and when he does it's usually about something he needs. I feel annoyed.

Hi there and welcome to the group! I am also a spouse of a Caribbean med student. And welcome to the special kind of hell that is Caribbean med school life. I know what you are going through!! It's hard to be apart and it's hard to be together during the first couple of years. What semester is your husband? How much longer does he have to go on the island? Again, welcome and I'm here for ya!!

Caribbean med school life IS a SPECIAL kind of hell lol! I agree with that. Thankfully my DH and I are done in a few months ... I totally agree with what Moonlight says about the experience. Welcome to this board. Its been helpful to me and hopefully will be helpful to you too! If you have questions or want to chat, I'm here as well!

[ladymoreta]

Re: Want to know what you all are experiencing or have experienc

No, I'm not moving there. I grew up in New York and I hate it there. Plus my daughter is in school down here and all my friends and supports and job (most importantly) is here. I know it would be possible to re-locate, but I dont' think it would be worth it to see him 5 minutes a day. I noticed on a different forum that I belong to that the med students communicate with their spouses (via phone, e-mail etc) a lot more than he seems to do with me. I used to e-mail him every day, but now I have stopped trying. I am scared for our relationship.

I'm probably overstepping an acceptable boundary right now, but I hope you reconsider. Kids move schools and adults change jobs all the time, but you love this man. From what I've read of your posts, it sounds like your relationship is really going through a hard time, and being separated for two more years may be that final straw. He'll work a lot during 3rd year, especially during Surgery, IM, and OB/Gyn, but he'll also have some lighter rotations where (if you're there) you can strengthen your relationship. He has probably been feeling some awkwardness and rejection over the past two years he's been away, and if you come back together to raise your children, you'll have a much better chance together.

[Meenah]

Re: Want to know what you all are experiencing or have experienc

LadyMoreta wrote:

I'm probably overstepping an acceptable boundary right now, but I hope you reconsider. Kids move schools and adults change jobs all the time, but you love this man. From what I've read of your posts, it sounds like your relationship is really going through a hard time, and being separated for two more years may be that final straw. He'll work a lot during 3rd year, especially during Surgery, IM, and OB/Gyn, but he'll also have some lighter rotations where (if you're there) you can strengthen your relationship. He has probably been feeling some awkwardness and rejection over the past two years he's been away, and if you come back together to raise your children, you'll have a much better chance together.

I agree with this!!!!! You mentioned that you are supporting everyone, does this include his expenses? I apologize if this is too personal, but if this is the case, do you worry about supporting him without any committment?