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Newbie looking for any advice and support

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  • Newbie looking for any advice and support

    While I am not yet the 'wife' of a doctor, only the girlfriend at this point, I stumbled across this site while seeking advice on dating a surgeon.

    This is my first experience dating someone in the medical field and I must say it has been a trying experience thus far. Having read several of the threads on this site I have gained a greater sense of comfort in knowing so many others are experiencing (experienced) some of the same issues and problem.

    Patience would have to be the biggest thing that has come across in most of what I have read on this site.

    I consider myself to be a very patient person, but with that being said, I am still an emotional, hormonal female, very strong and independent yet finding myself visiting that dark little corner of the room known as self doubt.

    A little bit about me and my situation: I am a 30s female, never married, no kids. I have my own business that keeps me busy 9-5 (on a good week) and traveling 10+ weeks a year. I am in a pretty serious relationship with my boyfriend (we've met the families at this point, talked about starting a family, etc.), but as patient as I am it is getting harder and harder for me. At this point we live about 2 hours apart (3 if you count traffic), so not only am I dating a surgeon, but it is a long distance relationship at that. We've made it work buy spending the weekends with one another (luckily he is established and has his own practice, so at this point he doesn't go in on weekends other than for emergencies or when he is on call). During the week, both of our schedules are pretty hectic, we text (typically little short messages), but talking on the phone is pretty much almost nonexistent and if we don't get to see one another on a weekend (typically when I have to go out of town for work), it is almost 2 weeks we go without anything other than text messages (a point of issue with me that I would love suggestions on how to address).

    I know this is his super busy time of year (he had to leave a day early from our weekend together to see a patient who was having complications, this happens about once every couple of months), and I am trying to be patient and understanding, but it is hard not to be disappointed when what little time we do have together gets cut short. I wish I could relocate so that we could spend more time (even be it brief) but with my company based here and his practice based there it is something that I will not consider unless we have made a formal commitment (ie engagement or marriage). He is a very kinda and loving man, who I trust explicitly (I go through my weekly feelings of self doubt when all I am getting are short little text messages), but when I see him, his face just lights up as soon as he sees me walk into the room and I know by the efforts that he makes that he is in love with me. With that said, I don't know why it is so hard during the weekdays when we are apart and why the self doubt keeps creeping in.

    I guess in coming here I am looking for support from others who are in similar situations. How do you find ways to keep from those feelings of self doubt? Be patient and understanding? Keep yourself occupied on the nights alone? Keep from getting disappointed when he has to cancel plans because he got a call?

    I look forward to reading more posts from others and any words of wisdom and advice you can give this relative newbie to the world of dating a doctor would be greatly appreciated!

  • #2
    We get it.

    What kind of surgeon is he? How long have you two been dating?
    PGY4 Nephrology Fellow

    Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there.

    ~ Rumi

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    • #3
      That sucks. I wouldn't make any plans without a ring either.

      Welcome to the group. We're a disgruntled, but supportive, bunch.
      Veronica
      Mother of two ballerinas and one wild boy

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      • #4
        I don't know if I'd go with "disgruntled". Definitely disillusioned, though.

        Welcome to the crapfest. We speak your language.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by diggitydot View Post
          I don't know if I'd go with "disgruntled".
          I'm out of bon bons. I'm disgruntled.
          Veronica
          Mother of two ballerinas and one wild boy

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          • #6
            Originally posted by v-girl View Post
            I'm out of bon bons. I'm disgruntled.
            Not to mention champagne and orgasms? Shit!

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            • #7
              long distance sucks. I refused to do it more than a year (I was finishing my masters). I have very little patience. Our long distance was all while we were still dating. You are in good company here.
              -L.Jane

              Wife to a wonderful General Surgeon
              Mom to a sweet but stubborn boy born April 2014
              Rock Chalk Jayhawk GO KU!!!

              Comment


              • #8
                As much as I wouldn't wish the situations on other, it is nice to know that you're not alone!

                He does plastic and reconstructive surgery ... We've been exclusive for over a half a year now ... he locked me down on the 'girlfriend' part pretty quickly

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                • #9
                  Sorry, I didn't answer any of your questions.

                  Originally posted by GolfRGal View Post
                  How do you find ways to keep from those feelings of self doubt?
                  EVERYONE has feelings of self doubt over something. What causes yours to creep up?

                  Originally posted by GolfRGal View Post
                  Be patient and understanding?
                  We all have our limits. Personally, I'm not terribly patient, but when my dude has a shit day, he gets some leeway. That leeway doesn't cover being a dickhole, though. That's my limit.

                  Originally posted by GolfRGal View Post
                  Keep yourself occupied on the nights alone?
                  http://www.therabbitvibrator.com/

                  and wine...


                  Originally posted by GolfRGal View Post
                  Keep from getting disappointed when he has to cancel plans because he got a call?
                  That is just going to happen. The medical mistress is a total snatch.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by GolfRGal View Post
                    He does plastic and reconstructive surgery ...
                    The nice thing about plastics is the lack of call. However, I now understand the self doubt part. It's hard to be around plastics peeps and NOT have some.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by diggitydot View Post
                      Not to mention champagne and orgasms? Shit!
                      Haha ... Champagne (check) ... orgasms ... hmm I'm learning that it might be wise to invest in Energizer or Duracell (that is if I want to have more than a handful a month )

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Have you talked about moving closer together? What have those conversations been like? Do you have any ideas of how that would work yet? Do you think the engagement is coming soonish? I can't do long distance. The only solution would be for one of you to move.
                        Wife to PGY5. Mommy to baby girl born 11/2009. Cat mommy since 2002
                        "“If you don't know where you are going any road can take you there”"

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                        • #13
                          When my husband was doing private practice he'd work 14-16 hour days most days and that seemed pretty lonely but it was much better than the training years. I still got to see him every night though when he came home to eat or sleep. During those days we'd also text, sometimes we'd call each other and talk about something if we needed to. I was a SAHW and he had around 800 satellite channels for me as well to watch and internet connection to keep in touch with friends and family back home. We also did long distance for 2.5 years during marriage too before private practice years. Not by choice either. I don't think there is anything that can really make LDRs much better. I just had to focus on my life and my goals to keep myself occupied.
                          PGY4 Nephrology Fellow

                          Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there.

                          ~ Rumi

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: texting -- My dude is on q3 (every 3 days) 30-hour call shifts right now and frequently the ONLY way we communicate is via text message. At least we're communicating, though...

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                            • #15
                              Welcome! Long distance is hard...hang in there!

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