My name is Whit, My fiance just got into Med school, a DO program and we are deciding if we should split up or if I should go with him. I think having my partner in med school will be horrible and make me completely miserable and I don't know if it is worth it. I love him but I am scared things I love about him I wont get to experience because of how busy we will be.
When we first started dating he told me he wanted to be a Doctor, he has wanted to be one his entire life. Right before we started dating I had told my father and my best friend specifically that I do not want to marry a doctor. The thing I have always valued most is getting to spend time with my significant other. So six years later we both very much love each other and we both feel the same way we did when we first feel in love.
We have spent three years applying. The first time he applied to MD programs and got three interviews but did not get accepted. During that first round of applications the idea of moving away from where I grew up terrified me and I worked very hard to become willing to be able to go with him. This time he got wait listed at 2 DO schools and we found out 3 days ago that he got in and he has to move 9hours away (by car) in a month. I think I spent all of my mental energy on the going part and I didn't spend any time in the recent years thinking about if I could do it (be happy/satisfied and supportive) once we got there.
When I first found out he got in I will full of joy and pride. The next morning I woke up completely panicked. We were going to have to move to a new state in less then a month and I was going to from seeing my best friend (my guy) (and pretty much my only friend) almost all day (we live and work together and currently have a lot of free time which we spend together) to almost never seeing him for like the next 8 years.
I love him very much but I don't know if I can do that without making the both of completely miserable.
I just don't know if there is any chance if we can make it through this with us being happy. Part of me feels like it would almost be better to end now as friends then for me to ruin the thing he has wanted his whole life and end up hating each other.
He has been telling me over and over again that he would not get in, that this wasn't going to happen and that if he didn't get in he would go to nursing school (which frankly is something I would have been able to be happy about if he was satisfied (good pay, way less debt, way less time in school, we would be able to pick where we lived and buy a house much sooner, and I would get to still spend some time with him)). But he got in against all of the odds. He is going to make an amazing Doctor and he could be an amazing husband and father I am just scared he wont be able to be both at the same time.
I am leaning towards ending my relationship with someone I really love and care about because I don't see how I could possible get my needs meant when he goes to school, residency and when he has a practice. I want to be close with him the way we always have and I am so angry that the thing he wants get in the way of that and that he picks being a Dr. over being the guy he has been for the past 6 years. I don't think I am strong enough to do what you ladies do. How do you do it? Do you feel like you get your needs meant? Are you glad you followed your spouse into med school? How do you deal with school being a priority over you?
I asked him to promise me that he would be a better husband and father (when we have kids) then a Dr. and that our family would be his number one priority. He told me tonight that I will not be the priority sometimes (which is probably totally normal and ok but right now scares me and hurts). He really wants to stay together, he really wants us both to be happy and he wants me to go with him. I want him to be happy too. Please let me know if you have found a way to be happy
Sorry for the way to long post. I look forward to getting to know you and being a part of this community if I get through this. Grateful that I found this group and hopeful that this will help me make a decision or at least a way to hear how others do it.
When we first started dating he told me he wanted to be a Doctor, he has wanted to be one his entire life. Right before we started dating I had told my father and my best friend specifically that I do not want to marry a doctor. The thing I have always valued most is getting to spend time with my significant other. So six years later we both very much love each other and we both feel the same way we did when we first feel in love.
We have spent three years applying. The first time he applied to MD programs and got three interviews but did not get accepted. During that first round of applications the idea of moving away from where I grew up terrified me and I worked very hard to become willing to be able to go with him. This time he got wait listed at 2 DO schools and we found out 3 days ago that he got in and he has to move 9hours away (by car) in a month. I think I spent all of my mental energy on the going part and I didn't spend any time in the recent years thinking about if I could do it (be happy/satisfied and supportive) once we got there.
When I first found out he got in I will full of joy and pride. The next morning I woke up completely panicked. We were going to have to move to a new state in less then a month and I was going to from seeing my best friend (my guy) (and pretty much my only friend) almost all day (we live and work together and currently have a lot of free time which we spend together) to almost never seeing him for like the next 8 years.
I love him very much but I don't know if I can do that without making the both of completely miserable.
I just don't know if there is any chance if we can make it through this with us being happy. Part of me feels like it would almost be better to end now as friends then for me to ruin the thing he has wanted his whole life and end up hating each other.
He has been telling me over and over again that he would not get in, that this wasn't going to happen and that if he didn't get in he would go to nursing school (which frankly is something I would have been able to be happy about if he was satisfied (good pay, way less debt, way less time in school, we would be able to pick where we lived and buy a house much sooner, and I would get to still spend some time with him)). But he got in against all of the odds. He is going to make an amazing Doctor and he could be an amazing husband and father I am just scared he wont be able to be both at the same time.
I am leaning towards ending my relationship with someone I really love and care about because I don't see how I could possible get my needs meant when he goes to school, residency and when he has a practice. I want to be close with him the way we always have and I am so angry that the thing he wants get in the way of that and that he picks being a Dr. over being the guy he has been for the past 6 years. I don't think I am strong enough to do what you ladies do. How do you do it? Do you feel like you get your needs meant? Are you glad you followed your spouse into med school? How do you deal with school being a priority over you?
I asked him to promise me that he would be a better husband and father (when we have kids) then a Dr. and that our family would be his number one priority. He told me tonight that I will not be the priority sometimes (which is probably totally normal and ok but right now scares me and hurts). He really wants to stay together, he really wants us both to be happy and he wants me to go with him. I want him to be happy too. Please let me know if you have found a way to be happy
Sorry for the way to long post. I look forward to getting to know you and being a part of this community if I get through this. Grateful that I found this group and hopeful that this will help me make a decision or at least a way to hear how others do it.
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