Duggers expecting #19

[GrayMatterWife]

. . . (And now, she slinks back into her cave of unpopular opinions.)

No reason to slink!! This was in "Debates." I think it is important that dissent is logged! I don't know about others, but sometimes I read dissent that makes me re-think issues.

And, besides, the need for dissent is the mantle I hang my hat on to validate my participation, almost 100% of the time around here.

[MrsK]

I think the facination and even the crude pencil/hotdog remarks really come from a total amazment that the human body is even capable of that many pregnancies and deliveries.

As for the buddy system. . . I think they do a one-on-one buddy system so each of the older children is paired with one older child.

[DCJenn]

I think the consensus of probably 99.9% of the world is "wow. not anything I'd do but eh, whatever."

I'm soooo burned out on 'reality' TV. I don't understand why people are so fascinated w/ other people's lives. If everyone turned off the TV and read a book, learned a language, went to the gym, did a hobby, the entire world would be a lot more interesting.

But, that's just my personal anti-TV tirade.

Jenn

[GrayMatterWife]

. . .If everyone . . . read a book, learned a language, went to the gym, did a hobby, the entire world would be a lot more interesting.

But then...the libraries would have huge waitlists for the best books, the gyms would have long lines at the weight machines, and Hobby Lobby would become a yuppy hangout. Is that really the world we want?

[Pollyanna]

I've never seen the show! I didn't realize that.

Honestly, that is one of the things that impresses me most about them.

That is amazing. I assumed that part of the reason for the show was the same as for other families -- Jon and Kate and the another that slips my mind (with the little people). I forget to make my disclaimer when discussing this and Jon and Kate that I haven't seen the shows and mostly know about it from reading here.

[oceanchild]

I am always amazed at the seeming hatred people have for large families. Truly, it just amazes me every time. Choice only counts for women who want abortions not for women who want, and can provide for, large families.

If this is aimed at me, I didn't say hate. I said it bugged me a little. There are degrees here, and to me, 19 feels like the far edge (which is presumably why they get so much publicity). And on the list of things I care about, this is really, really low.

[SuzySunshine]

I have to agree that if they're not on assistance they can have as many as they like but I also agree that the children can't really say they have a "normal" childhood. I also don't watch any of the reality shows like this, whether it be this one or Jon & Kate. I have an aunt who has 8 and she gets criticized just for that many, they've never been on assistance and most of them are normal children. I think everyone has their own life they want to lead.

[GrayMatterWife]

If this is aimed at me, I didn't say hate. I said it bugged me a little. There are degrees here, and to me, 19 feels like the far edge (which is presumably why they get so much publicity). And on the list of things I care about, this is really, really low.

I wouldn't presume to speak for Tara, but what came to my mind when I read her post was people who will openly target and offer unsolicited criticism to people for having large families. I've seen it happen to friends of mine. Some people feel completely justified in saying things like: "They're ALL yours? Who does that anymore?" or "Don't you know there's a way to prevent that now?" or "Aren't you worried about the planet? Most people know that this is so bad for the environment." Or, my personal favorite--from one Episcopalian to another (one who has four kids): "You know, most Episcopalians are educated and know better." To their faces. Because they think it is belittling and humiliating. Open hatred and disdain.

In my mind, that's way different than offering your opinion when solicited for it.

[scrub-jay]

I have seen the show and although I cannot fathom ever having that many children, the show has lasted so long because of their super-organization and ability to raise that many children (although I also question how the older children feel about their role). I think the Duggers have come under more hostility post-Octomom because in that case it is not an example of "how to make it work under extraordinary circumstances" but more of "I had 8 babies to get a reality TV show"...a motive I disagree with. The Duggers would have made the same choices with or without their spotlight.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I have to agree that if they're not on assistance they can have as many as they like but I also agree that the children can't really say they have a "normal" childhood. I also don't watch any of the reality shows like this, whether it be this one or Jon & Kate. I have an aunt who has 8 and she gets criticized just for that many, they've never been on assistance and most of them are normal children. I think everyone has their own life they want to lead.

I also think they get a lot of criticism for conservative family values. If you've ever watched the show, you know that these kids wouldn't be mainstream "normal" even if there were 2 of them. Normal is sort of a weird concept as it is. But if we define normal as relatively secular, tv-watching, kids schooled in a mainsteam curriculm (i.e. not creationism), then they're not "normal" and never would be regardless of family size.

I think they're kinda cool. I mean good for them for living their values which is admittedly difficult to pull off in the US today with values as conservative as theirs. They never seem to preach, truly love their kids, and are ALWAYS doing nice things for people. When you can organize that many teenagers and small children to do community service on a regular basis, you get a positive thumbs up from me. I don't want that many kids but they don't bother me at all.

[L.Jane]

Warning, I seem to have diarrhea of the mouth here:

I thought Id just throw my thoughts into the ring here. I can't imagine myself having that many children. From what I get from your posts, they have not done it through medical means, nor did they do it for publicity. It seems they have had children becuase they love children, and they are following their beliefs. I have not had any children, but I can only HOPE I have a 5th of the reproductive ability that this woman has. I have never seen the show, nor do I watch any of the other reality TV shows with multiple children, but I believe that if you can raise each child fairly so they can have a happy and productive life, you are doing better then the crackhead and homeless moms who send child after child into foster care. I grew up with my mom and her 6 siblings. I LOVED having a huge family with over 20 first cousins and a billion extended family. When I was younger my family would joke I was going to have 12 kids. (I have now informed them that I think 4 is probably as many as I could handle) Anyway, short thought gone long, I find it odd that they are welcoming cameras into their home, but as for the number of kids, thats their naturally gd given blessing as long as they can (which it seems so) care for themselves. Even children in three child families are expected to help out a little with their siblings ( I know I was and so was my SO). Being fully incharge of their sibling is a bit much... but I dont know what really goes on there, so Im not going to judge... ok, shutting up now... even though I could go on...

[mommax3]

Don't worry, my feelings weren't hurt, but I guess I agree with Pollyanna's post

I am always amazed at the seeming hatred people have for large families. Truly, it just amazes me every time. Choice only counts for women who want abortions not for women who want, and can provide for, large families.

and I wonder what a "normal" childhood even is, you know? Statistically, you could argue that a family with a mother and father who both live in the home is becoming "abnormal". Is a family with two moms or two dads "normal"? Is it politically correct to say kids growing up in that kind of family don't have a "normal" childhood? How come it is okay to say that kids who are wanted, loved, and taken care of don't have a "normal" childhood, just because they are part of a large family? And as far as resources go, there are people procreating all over the place without a thought of how they will care for their offspring.....even if they only have 3 or 4 kids, they will use lots and lots of resources that you and I will pay for, and their kids will start school behind and will remain that way....give me a family of 19 kids who are clean, educated, and mannered any day.

There is no way I would have ever had 19 children, no way I would recommend it to anyone. But with the Duggars, I see a very organized family who works hard and enjoys their children. (BTW, I have never seen their show, only their Today Show interviews.) I really feel that their mom (what is her name again?) deserves a round of applause, not rude conjecture about her anatomy. But everyone doesn't have to agree!

[SuzySunshine]

I also think they get a lot of criticism for conservative family values. If you've ever watched the show, you know that these kids wouldn't be mainstream "normal" even if there were 2 of them. Normal is sort of a weird concept as it is. But if we define normal as relatively secular, tv-watching, kids schooled in a mainsteam curriculm (i.e. not creationism), then they're not "normal" and never would be regardless of family size.

See that is not how I would define normal, I have friends that homeschool, I have friends and family with lots of kids. My definition of normal is regardless of how they are raised through high school that they have a good idea of what they want to be when they get older, that they at least consider an education post high school and that they can be a contributing member of society. I have seen to many large families where the kids are so confined as kids that once they get on their own they go crazy and nothing good comes of that. Their oldest son who got married and is expecting works with his FIL on his car lot, correct? That is a good job for him for now but what happens if that falls through, then what will he do? He has no education past high school.

I regret that my comment may have offended anyone. Please accept this heartful retraction.

RB