Someone elses daughter asking you for contraceptives

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Ok, I'm wading in cautiously here because I may have a differing opinion and I don't really want to get killed.

I completely agree 13 is way too young to be sexually active and that the girl should be counseled about what she's doing. i.e. is she being coerced, etc. But I knew several girls who had sex at 13 with boyfriends 1-2 years older who went on to have completely normal sexual histories. One of my best friends lost her virginity at 13 and when she told me when I was 13, I hadn't even been KISSED. Nonetheless, I'm not sure it's coercion when it's a 14 year old boy and a 13 year old girl. Too young, yes, but coercion no.

These friends that I mention above rode bikes or got rides from older friends to planned parenthood. And the planned parenthood provided services regardless of age. I drove two younger girls on my soccer team to get the morning after pill when I was 17 (and still not sexually active, thank you!) and they were 15.

One question: Could you recommend that the child ask her pediatrician at their next visit? A child of 13 is old enough to ask to see the doctor alone or could call in advance to ask to see the doctor alone. While the 13 year old couldn't get an Rx without the parent probably, at least the pediatrician can help broach it with the parents and potentially suggest it for "cramps" or something if he/she deems the child needs the contraception. DF watched a 13 year old deliver a baby when he shadowed at Metro.

In the case that the pediatrician is not an option, I would consider my relationship with the child and her parents. Are the parents loving, caring, responsible people who will react in a non-abusive manner to this situation? What is the child's maturity level? If the child is not being coerced though and is determined to do this, she WILL do it. A friend will drive her, etc. From a legal perspective, you may not be able to drive her but you could provide her with alternatives: condoms, a bus route to get her there, taking her for counseling only. I'm not sure of the exact solution in this situation but I don't think my categorical response would be: No.

Ok, I know a lot of you disagree. Be kind!

[Meenah]

I don't disagree. I don't want to be in this position, but I wouldn't necessarily say no either. If a 13 year old girl came to me for help I would weigh all of the information and make a decision based on the situation in front of me. I would never have a blanket no or yes. I worked in the ER for many years and saw my share of pregnant teens.

[Meenah]

See Abigail, I knew we could find a way to disagree here!!!!! But, while I agree with you noone thinks it is a good idea to take her to PP, we aren't denying that the tough choice may be the best choice given the individual cincumstances.

Wow, that sounded like legal speak!!!!

[poky]

So are human beings. You're being wiped off the face of the planet, so don't try to tell me how much better this method is. Pu-leeze.

Wow. Did you mean that to sound as harsh as it comes across?

Just so you know, according to the CIA world factbook, the population growth rate of Sweden is, in fact, currently positive.

[ladymoreta]

My initial thought was - not in a million years! But then, as I read more and thought about it, there are circumstances in which I probably would take her. I would definitely try to talk her out of it, or at the very least get her to talk to her parents. In some cases, I would tell her parents. I would make sure she understood that BC doesn't do anything to prevent STDs, and I would probably try to find some graphic pictures from DH's old textbooks.

But ultimately, I feel like a 13 year old being sexually active on BC is better than a 13 year old "mother", so if I couldn't get her to budge and for whatever reason I didn't feel comfortable telling her parents (like possible abuse), I would probably take her.

[PrincessFiona]

I have been in a similar position...and...I talked to the girl and answered all of her questions.. Even the ones that made me squirm very uncomfortably. I made sure that my attitude was one that I felt that sex should wait until adulthood or after marriage if possible, I talked about birth control, STDs...you name it. I was careful to answer direct questions and not give more information than that, but I was also honest.

I know the mom...and...I weighed whether or not I felt it was best to call her...and decided against it for specific reasons.

I am fairly outspoken when I'm with my daughter's friends about sexting being a no-no etc.

Would I take another person's child to an appt. for birth control?

No. I couldn't open myself up to that liability. I would be very honest with the child, encourage her to talk to her mom and perhaps even talk to the mom herself if I felt it was a safe situation...regardless of whether I was asked not to. I would do it in such a way that seemed innocuous (ie The girls were talking about birth control and asking a lot of questions. Man...I never thought I would have to field these questions so early....have you talked to her yet?)

Kris

[GrayMatterWife]

One question: Could you recommend that the child ask her pediatrician at their next visit?

One note of caution: if she is in an on-going relationship wherein she is being statutorily raped in her state, that is a crime. If she advises her pediatrician of this, he is legally obligated to report it to the authorities as suspected child abuse. He has no choice. Planned Parenthood is pretty notorious about turning a blind eye to illegal sexual activity of minors. Their folks are well-trained on how to discuss issues/ask questions in a way that helps them skirt around or avoid entirely, so they are not in violation of the law. She'd probably be "safer" from being reported at PP.

[GrayMatterWife]

Wow. Did you mean that to sound as harsh as it comes across?

Just so you know, according to the CIA world factbook, the population growth rate of Sweden is, in fact, currently positive.

When I read this post, I assumed she was talking about the birth rate of Europe overall, which (I believe) is negative overall, but positive within certain small cultural subsets. I guess I thought this because it is pretty well known that Europe is not reproducing itself at a replacement rate, but I imagine that the exact rate for Sweden is somewhat lesser well known! I know I'd have to google hard for it...

[GrayMatterWife]

And, of course, if we REALLY wanted to get into a debate, we could change the facts:

Would you drive a thirteen-year-old to PP to get an abortion?

But even I don't think I want to ignite into that firestorm!

Yes, best to avoid that.

[Meenah]

Please, let us avoid that.

[McPants]

So are human beings. You're being wiped off the face of the planet, so don't try to tell me how much better this method is. Pu-leeze.

Personally, I don't see contributing to the growing problem that is the overpopulation of the Earth as a value in itself and even if I did, I wouldn't suggest increasing the rate of teenage pregnancies as the optimal way of accomplishing that.

Furthermore, Sweden's population is growing and pretty much always has been as far as I know, so I fail to see how we are being "wiped off the face of the planet".

[Momo]

GMW,I think you're being generous, but Ladybug could clarify.
I mean it's pretty well known on here @ leat to anyone who reads the debates, that McPants has mentioned his country of origin(Sweden) on quite a few occasions!

When I read this post, I assumed she was talking about the birth rate of Europe overall, which (I believe) is negative overall, but positive within certain small cultural subsets. I guess I thought this because it is pretty well known that Europe is not reproducing itself at a replacement rate, but I imagine that the exact rate for Sweden is somewhat lesser well known! I know I'd have to google hard for it...

[Sheherezade]

I've been thinking about what the "right" age is to take my own daughter in for her first gyn appt. I was at the office yesterday and they had pamphlets in the waiting room that said 13-15 was recommended to get a "baseline" and set up good health practices for life.

So, hypothetically, if it was standard practice to take your daughter in and established a relationship there wouldn't that give her some "tools" to deal with these issues in the teen years? I'm thinking it isn't such a bad thing that Gardisil is currently a recommended vaccine for 11 year old girls. Maybe that's a good time to start having these thoughts and conversations. I know thirteen comes up REAL quick. Just like when your baby turns in to a toddler seemingly overnight....your "kid" becomes a teen the same way. It can be hard for some parents to catch up. (Obviously, I've got a thirteen year old at home ...and I'm staggering under all the changes this year is bringing. BC requests not among them!)

[Ladybug]

I'm sorry. I've deleted the post and I'll step out.