Just Curious

I was just wondering if people treat you differently when they find out your dh is a doctor. I have friends whose hubby's are doctors and I am too shy to ask them directly.

PS: I hope you don't mind me posting as my dh isn't a doctor. I have been in lurk mode for quite awhile now and have been enjoying the posts.

[ides]

Yes they do, is the short answer. Friends from before don't but strangers, and new aquantices sure do.

Most people think my husband is in medical school.

I don't really notice. So many of my friends are invloved somehow in the medical world that it doesn't seem to matter. For those friends that are not residents, nurses, or married to someone in those fields, they just think my DH has sucky hours! My friends who are not in residency or married to someone who is, seem to either be attorneys or married to attorneys so I don't think the doctor thing is super impressive to them.

For those who are not friends, just aquaintances, they seem to be impressed if they ask what my DH does and I tell them. Still people seem confused. Here's how the conversation goes:

Random person: What does your DH do?
Me: He's in residency for Orthopedic Surgery.
Random person: So what specialty does he want to do?
(At this point I'm not sure if they mean what specialty of Ortho. Surg. or if they mean what specialty of medicine does he want to practice b/c they don't seem to understand that this IS his specialty)
Me: He'll do a fellowship of Sports Medicine next year.
(Then I go on to explain what types of surgery that entails.)

I'm with Jules. People are completely clueless what residency even is, which I guess is understandable. And being the husband of a doctor, we still get plenty of, "So, your wife's a nurse?" Um, no. It's amazing that stereotype is still so strong. If I say what my wife does, I try to avoid the confusion and just say she's a doctor. Even saying she's an OB doesn't get the point across. But I don't flaunt it. I don't think being a doctor gives us any special status and I don't want it taken the wrong way.

[GrayMatterWife]

A couple of months ago, there was a similiar question posed in The Call Room. It wouldn't be appropriate for me to post about anyone else's answer, but I don't mind sharing mine. It pretty much says it all, in terms of my experience with being an DW. I generally try to dodge the issue because it results in a lot of stupid comments or uncomfortable questions.

The Four Responses I Generally Get to "Yeah, He's a Neurosurgeon":

1. "A brain surgeon? He must be really smart." (How on earth am I supposed to respond to THAT? Truth: "Yes, actually he's one of the smartest people I've ever met." Well, that sounds a tad over-the-top. So, how about, "No, dumbbell...he's actually in a special program for the less-than-smart neurosurgeons." ???

2. "He's a doctor and you're a lawyer? Wow, you must be rich." I do not usually dignify this with a response.

3. "So did you go to law school so that you can defend him when he gets sued?" Again, how do you respond to this?? Never mind the fact that I don't even practice med-mal defense!

4. And my personal favorite: "So I guess you get free surgeries." ?????

The Conversation I Have Had a Million Times and Has Caused Me to Want to Hide the Fact that DH is a MD, and Specifically, a Neurosurgeon:

Q: "So what does your husband do?"

A: "He's on housestaff at [name of the hospital]."

(50% of all questioners cease at this point, because they think that means he's the night janitor)

Q: "Housestaff...is that like an administrator or something?"

A: "He's a physician training for his boards."

(Another 20% of questioners stop)

Q: "Oh, so is that like a doctor?"

A: "Yeah, he's a doctor."

(That satisfies about half the remaining questioners)

Q: "So what KIND of doctor is he?"

A: A resident.

(Now we're getting circular, but the questioners won't take a hint)

Q: What is his area of speciality?

A: He concentrates on not pissing off the attendings.

Q: The who?

A: Never mind. A joke. He's a surgeon.

Q: What kind of surgery?

A: Not much. He's a scut monkey.

Q:A what?

A: Never mind. Another joke. He's a neurosurgeon.

Q: A what?

A: Brain surgeon.

Q: WOW!! He must be really smart and you guys must be rich! Thank goodness you went to law school, so that you can defend him when he gets sued!

****SGHSIGHSIGHSIGHSIGH*****

[v-girl]

I hate going into DH's specialty plans with people. The one he is leaning toward is pediatric hem/onc. "Ohh! Children with cancer! That's so hard to see little kids so sick and then they die." Uh, yeah. If there were no docs willing to go into that specialty then they would all die, wouldn't they?

[Auspicious]

So far, not really. I usually chalk this one up to us only having lived in major metro areas since he started in this, where people tend to play it cool about stuff like that and lots of people have more interesting-sounding (and lucrative) jobs than doctors.

We do each have a couple of relatives that kind of make a thing about it, but those people have pretty floopy personalities overall, too.

[DCJenn]

I'm so over telling people what he does. He's in the Army as far as most people know. and when pressed I usually just say he's a pediatrician. Not to down-play the three years of soul-sucking fellowship but the fact is that neurology is the ugly step-sister to neurosurgery and I get tired of having to say, 'NO, he's NOT a brain surgeon. He'll hopefully fix them BEFORE they need brain surgery."

Jenn

[Momo]

as my dh isn't a doctor.

I'm sorry, but I must ask:
Why have you chosen to lurk & now post on a Medical Spouse Support Network Board? Did you give all of us your 411 in the intros? If you did and are somehow connected to the medical community, I guess I missed it :huh: :huh: .

[GrayMatterWife]

but the fact is that neurology is the ugly step-sister to neurosurgery

No way...is that really how some people see NEUR? I think my DH may be in a pretty fortunate situation. The way I understand it, at his hospital, this is a really cordial and collegial relationship (that was NOT the situation at his medical school's hospitals). In fact, I think several of the NSG seriously considered going into NEUR before deciding upon NSG. My DH was so torn that he interviewed for both, before finally deciding which was the best for him.

But I guess every speciality has its implied digs. Bad doctor humor abounds...How many hands would a NSG use to hold open the elevator door? None. First, that would imply that other people exist. Second, hands? He'd use his head...why jeopardize future income?

[DCJenn]

Abigail-

In the Neuroscience suite at Walter Reed, there is a wall of glory...it's ONLY the Neurosurgeons. Even the Colonels in charge of adult and child neurology don't warrant a wallet-sized black and white photo...

Jenn

I hesitate to tell people that DH is a dr because we always get the money questions. DH almost always tells them that he makes less than minimum wage. (Residency salary divided by 80+ hours makes you go !)Also, we get calls already for medical advice and prescriptions. DH always tells them to see their regular dr. (sigh) Other times, I tell people he is a resident and they figure he is still a student.

We both have family members who will sniff us out like vultures the minute he makes any kind of money. I'm almost dreading it, but not quite.

I haven't noticed anyone treating me/us different because DH is a doctor. I think I get more reactions for having 5 kids than DH being an MD.

Thank you so much for all of your replies.

[Meenah]

Pinkpickles wrote:

I'm sorry, but I must ask:
Why have you chosen to lurk & now post on a Medical Spouse Support Network Board? Did you give all of us your 411 in the intros? If you did and are somehow connected to the medical community, I guess I missed it

Please post an introduction so that we can get to know you, and why we interest you.