Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

[Phoebe]

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

we combine everything. he pays the bills and I do everything else you asked about.

[Vishenka69]

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

When we first moved in together (prior to getting engaged), we outsourced everything to eliminate the problem of who does what and had separate accounts. We combined accounts after getting married and I took over most of the chores, as he simply wasn't around to do any of them. We did have separate social lives until after training though. But again, largely due to the fact that he just wasn't around.

Although I don't make the most money anymore, I still buy whatever shoes I want. Once when there was an extra shift available DH volunteered saying that he needs all the help he can get to support my shoe habit and now he gets first dibs on any extra shifts.

[DCJenn]

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

I do everything financial- in fact we were just talking about this last night. He was saying something about life insurance- like we didn't have any. I then had to explain that yes, we have life insurance, we have disability insurance, we both have additional coverage for both through our respective employers.

Then I asked him if he knew where the information is for the retirement plans, to which he replied, "what retirement plans?" It made me realize that he's as clueless as a housewife in the 1950s. I'm going to make him a list of everything and the account numbers and put it in the safe. and probably send a copy to my brother (my other beneficiary if something happens to my husband and I)

I didn't intentionally not tell him, it's more that until he was deployed and bored and looking at the checking account online did he even develop an interest.

As for the other parts of running a household, I cook: he does the dishes, I do the laundry: he puts his and Nikolai's clean stuff away, we both do the house-cleaning stuff. We both do the lawn, except that he's been on-call more weekends than not the last few weeks so I've done most of it.

We have a 50-50 split in childcare (finally- gotta love being done with training and/or no deployment!). As much as he dug in his heels about the adoption process, he's silly over this kid. They have so much fun together.

Jenn

[moonlight]

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

We dump all our money in one account and pray to God that it will make us through each semester.

Now that I think about it maybe we should do some more planning.... or talking.... or whatever...

[bahama_mama]

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

It's all pretty much my money, so why split it up?

[DCJenn]

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

ETA:

I was divorced, had my own home, my own car, and my own spectacular credit when we got married.

I had to think long and hard about joining our finances together. Ultimately I did it because it was easier but let me tell you that I have had more than one lender tell me that my credit rating is significantly better than his and I'm always listed as the primary mortagee, even with him making 3x the amount I do.

Jenn

[Tenacious_D]

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

We share both computers (laptop and iMac) and have separate email accounts but we have each other's passwords. I am constantly asking him to check my email for me and vice versa.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

He never checks his e-mail but we do each have our own accounts. He doesn't have my password but imail so he could just open my computer and check it. I check his every once in a while just to make sure he hasn't missed anything, mostly its junk.

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

Speaking of sharing...

I've noticed that many married couples share an email address. I don't think that would ever fly with us. I think we'd be grumpy if we even had to share one computer.

Do you share an email address?

No - we don't share an email address. In all honesty it always bugs me when I know my friend's email is 'shared'. I just prefer knowing that what I write is going to the person I intended. I know that most people tell their spouses most everything (as do I), and that part doesn't bother me. I guess I just perceive it as more of a "big brother" kind of thing. But, just like Cheri - we can both get into each other's accounts - so it's not an ability to hide stuff that I'm looking for. Just autonomy.

We don't share a computer, either (even the boys have their own). My husband is a techno FREAK.

[JaneDoe]

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

Dh and I have joint-everything, except retirement accounts. We also share an email account, although we each have an individual email account too. We decided to share an email account because Dh has a hard time staying current on his email messages. We also share so when we can both read news from family, dd's preschool, etc. I usually say to Dh, "did you see the message from so-and-so?" He usually has not and then wll go read the message.

I'm sure the fact that Dh and I have a joint email account annoys MIL. It's one of the perks.

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

We don't have a shared email account. We do know each other's passwords, but rarely use them. In fact, the only time I can recall using his was when an email concerning one of the kid's sports teams was sent to him and not me and he was too busy to forward it when I needed it. I like having my own email account simply because I wouldn't want him to mess around and delete things I need. We do share a desktop and a laptop, but it's mostly me on the desktop and him on the laptop.

[migirl]

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

We don't share an email address either. He only has his work email, so I have no need to know what kinds of emails he's getting there. I do have his password, and he often asks me to check his email if I happen to be on the computer.

I have to agree with Jenn/Jane about sending emails to people who share an account with their SO. It sort of bothers me too. :huh:

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

We decided to share an email account because Dh has a hard time staying current on his email messages.

This is why I check DH's - his friends know I do and if something is important they've given up e-mailing him, they just e-mail him. When I know there is something being planned, like a bachelor party, I don't check his e-mail but I do have to remind him to check it regularly or the guys just start copying me. He doesn't give out his work account to anyone, I think I and his best friend are the only people that have it outside of work.

[spotty_dog]

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

My parents have a joint account (then my dad has his work account, of course.) So do my in-laws. (As a generational thing, I suspect it's akin to having a household phone line vs. individual cell phones.)

We definitely have our own. I have about a bazillion accounts. Two gmail, a few shared group gmails, two Yahoo! mails, and my .Mac (which comes up on my laptop Mail, so he could read it if he were so inclined.) I've also got my own domain so technically I could set up to receive mail going to that domain. I know DH's Yahoo email password but I don't remember the last time I used it. Don't know his work one.

[mommax3]

Re: Laundry, cooking, bills etc. in marriage

We each have a work email and share our email address at home, but he *rarely* gets on email at home. I tell him what he needs to know.